AIBU

[Bobby51]

My brother has recently got married. My SIL is a lovely person and gets on with everyone great. My 16 year old DD has got on with her new Aunty well too. So what is the issue? I hear you ask!

I have noticed every time my brother & his wife visit us, my SIL goes to DD room and they stay there for a very long time. They say they play games and talk while rest of the family is downstairs. DD is very shy person and hardly talks to people so it was very good to see her bonding. But they hold hands all the time, whisper into each other ears, give each other lots of kisses on cheeks, speak to each other in some secret language only they are to know and I cant ask. DD body language changes from being comfortable to submissive.

Please dont think I am being jealous because I am not. Something does not feel right to me! My mum instincts are going crazy. I have tried to ask DD what do they talk about and she went quite.
They went to town the other day and I was driving them, they were holding hands like interlocking into each other's. Does anybody else find this bizarre? My SIL is in her late 20s so more than 11 years between her & DD.
My brother in law and his wife are very happy together so no issues there.

What do I do?

Yeah, that’s weird…

That is fucking weird. Your SIL sounds like she's grooming your DD. For what I don't know.

Wtf that's really strange hope it's nothing sinister🙏

Talk to your daughter

She may have a very close relationship with your D

Really weird op, holding hands??? No more bedroom visits I think, at the very least.

Argh it uploaded ane I hadn't edited
She may have a close relationship with your sil

Ask your dd how she feels

Don't tape her covertly she's 16 and that's really not ok, ignore who suggested that!!

Wow, really inappropriate behaviour between an aunt and a 16 year old. Holding hands and kissing? That's a huge nope. I'm amazed you haven't said something to your SIL because I certainly would have, and quite firmly, too.

Why don't you ask your sister in law ??

All the best, op

It doesn’t sound good, I would be putting a stop to it.

Do you have any other kids? If so, are they excluded from this? You could try letting DD invite a friend round on family occasions so they're not alone together?

That's creepy and weird. I actually would put my phone in there. You've asked your DD what they talk about and she won't say.

If it's enough to make you feel uncomfortable then 100% I'd put my phone in there. Have you got a house phone or another phone you could ring your phone leave it in there so you can actually listen as they speak.

Then again, I wouldn't want them in the room together again.

Yes my others kids are younger and that could be the reason DD feels so lonely. I will try and speak to my SIL pointing out how odd I find this way of effection & hope she will understand it. She is not from the UK but have been visiting here quite often to know customs here.
Thank you everyone. I am really pleased my point was understood.

I agree with you @Bobby51
I say something to the SIL quite firmly and say its frowned upon here to lock yourself away with a teenager, whatever is accepted her culture (incase she didn't realise)
It's made you uncomfortable for whatever reasons, you don't have to explain it to her in any detail

@ClutchesPearlsAndFaints

I agree with you *@Bobby51* I say something to the SIL quite firmly and say its frowned upon here to lock yourself away with a teenager, whatever is accepted her culture (incase she didn't realise) It's made you uncomfortable for whatever reasons, you don't have to explain it to her in any detail

Yes I agree, thank you

I'm late 20s & have family members your DD's age. We're close enough but not a hope would I interact with them like that at all, no secret language, no running off to bedrooms, no interlocking hands. This has made me feel a bit ill for your DD tbh. And if it's setting off alarm bells for you then I think that's justification enough for thinking about confronting your SIL about it and telling her it's a bit inappropriate. Does your DD have a phone that maybe they communicate on that you could maybe have a look through on the QT? I'm loathed to tell anyone to invade anyone's privacy but in the interest of safeguarding a minor...

they hold hands all the time, whisper into each other ears, give each other lots of kisses on cheeks, speak to each other in some secret language only they are to know and I cant ask.

Who told you that you can't ask? I'd take issue with any adult trying to wedge between my child & I. Creating an environment where a minor is told not to tell a parent something - no matter how miniscule - is dangerous.

Op tread gently here with your sil. This could be she’s supporting your daughter in something that you’re not aware of.

YABU not to put a clue in the title.

Your 16 year old and a 20 something have made up their own language?

I agree with pp that it sounds like grooming of some sort. Not all predators are male, a small but existing minority are female. Even if SIL isn’t the predator, many predators have female accomplices that do the grooming for them. And the fact she’s locked onto your DD who is just emerging into womanhood and not a blood relative to her makes it doubly concerning.

@ClutchesPearlsAndFaints

I agree with you *@Bobby51* I say something to the SIL quite firmly and say its frowned upon here to lock yourself away with a teenager, whatever is accepted her culture (incase she didn't realise) It's made you uncomfortable for whatever reasons, you don't have to explain it to her in any detail

All the best and any new updates that help with the understanding and perspectives of the current situation ?

That does give me creepy vibes TBH.

I would be really worried about this. I would insist on meeting outside of the house going forward.