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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner has got a new job and I feel lonely with DS

40 replies

Blykenti · 16/06/2021 20:06

My son is 6 months old. My partner started new job yesterday and I already feel lonely. He did have a part-time job when DS was born but he quit. We got into a routine of us going out with DS but now it's just going to be me and DS. I feel lonely as j don't have any friends that are mums. Today I went to a baby group though.

Has anyone felt like this?

OP posts:
YouWerePrettyIWasLonely · 16/06/2021 20:09

I'm sorry you feel lonely but one of you needed to get a job.

DisgruntledPelican · 16/06/2021 20:14

I felt a bit lonely on my own with a baby all day but a) it made weekends and days off more special and we would always plan something specific to do, and b) when it was my turn to work ft and DP stayed at home with the baby, it made me really efficient at work so I could get home promptly to see them both.

Six months is a lovely age, enjoy the summer days with plenty of walks and baby groups!

Onairjunkie · 16/06/2021 20:17

It’s probably a good thing he got a job. Keep going to groups, you’ll make friends.

hemhem · 16/06/2021 20:17

How did you expect to pay the bills if noone was working?

All parents on maternity/parental leave feel lonely at some point. This is why baby and toddler groups exist.

Stompythedinosaur · 16/06/2021 20:22

It is lonely having a baby. Keep going to baby groups and you will make mum friends.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/06/2021 20:24

I found mat leave lonely. I went back to work at 14 months and it was great.

Baby groups and as many other things which are baby-friendly as possible. Keep busy.

OffRampHilton · 16/06/2021 20:25

When are you going back to work?

GloriousMystery · 16/06/2021 20:41

But surely you’re relieved to have an income? Anyway, maternity leave is dull and isolating for lots of people. When do you plan to return to work? I felt much happier once I had.

Howshouldibehave · 16/06/2021 20:44

Goodness, weren’t you pleased to have a wage coming in?!

If you don’t really enjoy being at home with your baby, why don’t you look at getting childcare and a job?

purpleme12 · 16/06/2021 20:53

OP a lot of people feel like this
I would suspect it's a big change from having company with a grown up all the time to him working
(I am assuming that OP does feel relieved there's an income coming in and understands this but is also just feeling lonely and finding it hard to adjust like lots of people)
It's just something you've got to get through. And yes getting out and about and going to baby groups does help

ineedaholidaynow · 16/06/2021 20:57

Why did he quit his job? Did your maternity pay cover all bills? If you feel too lonely can you go back to work?

Holly60 · 16/06/2021 21:01

I can’t actually believe this is true. Surely one of you needs to work to support your family?! You are now just experiencing what the vast majority of people on maternity/paternity leave experience. If you really aren’t enjoying your maternity leave you could always look at going back to work earlier than planned? Or if you aren’t currently working you could look at getting a job.

bellsbuss · 16/06/2021 21:07

I wouldn't be worrying about feeling lonely I would be feeling relieved that be bad a job.

bellsbuss · 16/06/2021 21:08

Had

babyblues21 · 16/06/2021 21:11

Yes it's totally normal to feel like this on maternity leave if you aren't going to groups or socialising with other mums etc. My partner works long shifts, sometimes 12 hours a day. You have to find things to fill that time otherwise the days will be very long with no adult company.

WhiteSquare · 16/06/2021 21:11

It is lonely, I remember thinking I’d rather be broke than feel this lonely. Try to do things on certain days to give you routine. For example Monday, visit family, Tuesday, food shopping, Wednesday, see friends. It is terribly lonely though OP Flowers

Howshouldibehave · 16/06/2021 21:14

Has anyone felt like this?

I would imagine anyone who has had two parents at home with their baby for 6 months would feel strange at it being just them.

I don’t know anyone in that situation though. I also don’t know anyone who quit their job when their partner had a baby. Why?!

Wrotten · 16/06/2021 21:15

Did he, aye.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/06/2021 21:16

Well, yes, most people prefer being on holiday to working.

familyof4boys · 16/06/2021 21:22

I agree- it’s a totally normal feeling, especially when the life you’ve got used to has changed but you know that it wasn’t really a sustainable (or typical) set up! Like previous posters hAve said: have a vague schedule, eg what you will do each day.there will be plenty of classes on, some free so try to sign up to stuff you enjoy. Local libraries usually have stuff on, children’s centres, etc. Otherwise garden centres, shopping centres, baby cinema, on top of the usual activities. Then what I found really helped me was: write a list of all the things you can do with your baby. When you feel a bit lost/ bored/ not sure what to do next, just pick something off the list. Eg: read books, water play (or bath), food play eg cereal, coloured yogurt, sing songs, playmat, jumperoo, watch baby stuff on YouTube, go for a walk, go to the park, go to a cafe and have a coffee- whatever floats your boat but spend a bit of time thinking about what you want to do so that when you feel frazzled and don’t have the brain power to think, it’s done for you!

TenBobNote · 16/06/2021 22:11

Probably every new mother felt a bit lost when their partner had to go back to work after paternity leave. It’s usually a lot less than 6 months though! How else would you pay your bills OP?? 🤔 When will you be returning to work after maternity leave?

rainbowninja · 16/06/2021 22:23

Hope the baby group went well OP? I can relate, it can be a lonely time especially if you're used to another adult being around during the day.

It might be a bit hard going at first but there will be other mums out there in the same boat as you. Keep getting yourself out there to groups and it will improve.

Original poster
Blykenti · 17/06/2021 07:46

He quit because he hated the job and he’d always come home in a bad mood. Of course I'm glad theres an Income coming in. When he had the job before I felt a bit lonely but it wasn't too bad and DS was very young then so we got into a routine of feeding him and him sleeping but now he's older he needs to be entertained.

OP posts:
LucyLocketsPocket · 17/06/2021 08:24

Welcome to the real world.

biscuit13 · 17/06/2021 08:44

I feel like some of the comments are a bit harsh.
@Blykenti I have a 7 month old and although I have been fortunate that my husband can mostly work from home, on the days that he does go into the office I feel anxious about it being me and baby all day (even though it is anyway when he's wfh but knowing he's in the other room is different to him not being there at all)
I understand a bit how you're feeling, but baby groups are excellent! I started some in April and I've already made a good friend and a couple of other friends with babies the same age. I look forward to those days when we have groups on so much! The structure alone of having something to get up and go to make a huge difference!
Have a plan for your day, I find that helps!

For example for a non baby group day: we get up and dressed and play in the morning while I'm tidying up, then I'll play with him a bit too, then he'll have a nap and I get some chill time or have a shower if I haven't managed it already. When he wakes up I'll feed him and we'll have lunch together, then we'll go out for a walk or to the shops, or the see the ducks. He might then sleep on the way home. Then next wake time we'll play and do some sensory stuff like bubbles, scarves, banging boxes, singing songs. Then it's time for dinner and husband takes over over a bit :) before you know it it's bath and bed.

You got this! Message me if you need.