Partner has got a new job and I feel lonely with DS

[Blykenti]

My son is 6 months old. My partner started new job yesterday and I already feel lonely. He did have a part-time job when DS was born but he quit. We got into a routine of us going out with DS but now it's just going to be me and DS. I feel lonely as j don't have any friends that are mums. Today I went to a baby group though.

Has anyone felt like this?

OP it is lonely being at home with a baby, and it must be really hard if you've had the chance for both of you to be at home.
It's probably more limiting what you can do, with some covid restrictions still in place but I would definitely try more baby groups. Maybe take baby swimming if the pool has any sessions that allow that (I'm not sure what pools are allowed to do)
If you meet more people within organised activities you might feel confident after a while to meet informally, go for a coffee, or go to the park with another mum.

@biscuit13 I’m so glad you commented. I thought there was a lot of unnecessary judgement from other posters too! The OP was only asking if anyone else had felt lonely not for people to have a free for all about her financial situation.

@Blykenti I have OP. I’ve found it hard sometimes being on mat leave during restrictions. I’m thankful that things are open now like cafes and shops and the weather is nicer so I can go for a walk etc. Baby groups aren’t open near me yet (maybe because I live rurally?) but I’m looking forward to when they are. I’ve heard lots of people say they met nice people there. Good luck OP and I hope the loneliness passes ❤️.

Sorry you're feeling lonely - it's difficult when it's a change to what youre used to. When I was on mat leave, I'd try to come up with at least one activity a day so it didn't feel like the day was just stretched out ahead of me.

So I'd maybe plan for Monday - baby group, Tuesday - a long walk, Wednesday - mum fitness group, Thursday - baby footprint pictures, Friday - lunch with friends I'd found at baby group.

Getting out & about really helps! And don't be afraid of asking people if they fancy a coffee - most of the mums at baby group probably feel the same as you!

I felt like this when my DH returned to work when DC were 2 weeks old, be thankful you had six months…

It's possible for OP to be thankful and feel lonely, they're not mutually exclusive!
My DH is self employed and only took a few days off each time when my DC were born, and it was lonely...it would still have been lonely if hed had 6 months because generally being on your own with a baby or toddler is quite lonely, especially if you dont have a network of family or established friendships.

@Leodot I know right. It's noone else's business how they pay bills etc, I'm shocked at how people felt they could comment on it tbh.
I also feel like people who now have older children don't realise how much the pandemic has made us new mothers struggle with socialising, making friends, and having support.
Its a really tough time to have a young baby.

@biscuit13 It has been a tough time. The weather hasn’t helped either as who wants to go for a walk in the pouring rain and cold with a newborn?! It’s been miserable outside until a couple of weeks ago.

I’m lucky that DH works from home so I have lunch with him most days and get adult interaction then but I’m sad I haven’t been able to meet any mums and go to baby groups. I think people have lost a lot of compassion recently and are very critical and judgemental of others. Hope you’re doing ok too ❤️.

I was really miserable and lonely on maternity leave once DH went back to work at four weeks. I found it helped to have structure to the day - so we went out every weekday morning to a baby or toddler group or swimming etc (I'm aware that some of these aren't open again yet). Toddler groups usually have a baby corner. That also meant there was less of the day to get through before DH was home again.

You can also go back to work earlier if you're not enjoying it. I stuck it out for a year on maternity leave but wish I'd gone back at six months.

@Leodot yes exactly. Also not to mention how badly pregnant mothers got treated too. As with a lot of people, my husband wasn't allowed to any scans, we also had to stay in hospital for a week because of baby being poorly and my husband wasn't allowed to stay, so I was on my own with baby recovering from emergency section. :( its been really crap and yes I agree people have lost compassion for what we had to deal with pretty much on our own!

We are ok now though, baby groups have helped! And so has the weather! Hope you are ok 💕

Well, yes, most people prefer being on holiday to working

😂

Also, i know it's been tough because of Covid but pre-Covid wasn't that great either. I had my baby pre-Covid but hospital still didn't allow partners to stay - we were in for eight nights and he could only visit for two hours a day.

I totally understand where you are coming from , my brain was starting to atrophy, which is why I arranged childcare and went back to work. Never regretted that decision.

I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely. It must have been difficult spending the first part of your maternity leave during lockdown with so many support services and groups not running.

But it’s not really most people’s experience to have both parents at home, or the only parent working to be part time. DH had 2 weeks paternity leave and after that it was just me and DC during the week. I hope you can find some people to spend time with, through the baby groups or classes.

I'm finding it enlightening that so many people are saying that being on their own at home with a baby is lonely. When it is just you on your own it can feel like there must be something wrong with you to feel that way and I think that's what the OP was looking for really.

You’re describing the experience of many millions of mothers. My DH went back to work, full time, when I was two weeks post c-section, the second time with a toddler as well. I can’t say it was my favourite stage of life, but I just got on with it. The notion of the three (or latterly four) of us all together all the time would be absurd and stifling. Around here many baby groups and classes are opening up, we can have friends round, we can meet people outside… the fact it has been a very tough year for new parents doesn’t mean that it’s still that bad now. Time to start building your support network and some structure.