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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why men show no interest in me?

52 replies

gelatodipistacchio · 16/06/2021 16:21

Perhaps most relevant to this is that I don't look for male attention.

My friends say I'm really attractive. I'm slender, take decent care to dress well and groom myself, and I think I'm fairly nice and kind. I am however a single mum.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
30degreesandmeltinghere · 16/06/2021 16:23

Maybe they know you are out of their league op!!

gwenneh · 16/06/2021 16:23

What qualities, interests, and traits do you have other than your physical appearance?

HowToBringABlushToTheSnow · 16/06/2021 16:25

When you say 'no attention' do you mean that men don't look at you at all or that they don't want to date you?

InTheDrunkTank · 16/06/2021 16:25

Which men? Are you online dating? In most situations men aren't going to randomly approach women even if they find them attractive as they don't know if you're available or interested in dating.

Original poster
gelatodipistacchio · 16/06/2021 16:25

@gwenneh I'm afraid this could be the issue. I'm probably fairly boring. I like to cook nice meals, go to restaurants, visit museums etc. I have a demanding professional job that takes up a lot of headspace. I don't tend to get out and do things unless someone else takes the initiative, though I think I'm game to do lots of activities

OP posts:
Frownette · 16/06/2021 16:28

That's nice though, not everything is fun and frivolity. Sometimes calm can be quite enchanting. How do you meet people at present?

Shoxfordian · 16/06/2021 16:28

Do you go online dating or make an effort to meet anyone?

30degreesandmeltinghere · 16/06/2021 16:32

Maybe your job is intimidating to a mere bloke!!

Briarshollow · 16/06/2021 16:37

Do you have anything to say?

TheoMeo · 16/06/2021 16:38

Perhaps most relevant to this is that I don't look for male attention.
Well, they probably assume you are already in a relationship.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/06/2021 16:41

WL I think it depends what you mean. You're not looking for male attention so aren't giving out any vibes or looks but you're wondering why men aren't cracking on to you anyway? Perhaps because you're giving off a vibe that you're not interested??

MissConductUS · 16/06/2021 16:41

You are not giving off any signals that you might be interested.

Starlight39 · 16/06/2021 16:42

When I was a single mum, I didn't really have any irl interest (apart from an awful man on a bus once who wouldn't take no for an answer!). I worked in a tiny company where I wouldn't meet anyone and just didn't really come into contact with many single men in my day to day life. I did online dating and had lots of interest and met my dp.

So I'd say you need to go out and look if you want to meet someone unless you're bumping into lots of unattached men somehow in day to day life! fwiw I'm fairly boring too and met lots of nice men online (and inevitably a few dodgy ones!).

BarbarianMum · 16/06/2021 16:43

Sorry, which men do you mean? In rl? Old?

If you are quite retiring, or at least always wait for others to make the first move, that will knock out all the sweet, shy single men in your radius - they need a bit more encouragement.

notalwaysalondoner · 16/06/2021 16:46

I can relate - I'm slim, dress well, my friends all seem relatively attractive so don't think I can be that bad, but aside from my DH I've had very very limited male interest over the years. I think I may have a kind of 'do not approach' aura - in contrast to some women who seem to attract men like flies despite not being particularly physically attractive. I'm also a high flying professional so maybe it's somewhat linked with that personality. It doesn't bother me as I was lucky enough to meet DH aged 19 but I do wonder sometimes why some women have it and some don't.

Auntienumber8 · 16/06/2021 16:59

The sort of thing you like doing both myself and DH like doing, there are men that also like this stuff.

I have friends who are single and I am surprised they are but I have known some women and men who struggle and it’s pretty obvious why they don’t have much luck. For example my SIL is extremely bossy and a control freak.

Plus being a single parent, there will be people that would not want to date a single parent.

Original poster
gelatodipistacchio · 16/06/2021 17:04

I admit I haven't done much to help myself. I don't really get on with OLD. When I have gone to social events, most of the men are married (I am glad they show no interest). Obviously Covid hasn't been great for meeting people. But even out and about, I am sure I get less interest than I once did. I'm now over 40 which can't possibly help.

OP posts:
Jangle33 · 16/06/2021 17:07

If you’re not on line dating and the only men you meet are married then is this not to be expected Confused

Branleuse · 16/06/2021 17:11

probably because youre not giving out vibes of being interested in people, and arent out socialising.

5475878237NC · 16/06/2021 17:12

Could you go to social events for single people such as meet up events or match etc?

notanothertakeaway · 16/06/2021 17:14

I doubt it's your looks. Many people, of all appearances, are in relationships

I do think there's a lot of luck involved. The main thing is to create opportunities to meet people

InTheDrunkTank · 16/06/2021 17:52

OP if you're over 40 people are going to assume you're married or not looking. In my opinion it's very rare for even very attractive, interesting middle ages women to be randomly approached by men looking fo romance. Lots of women really wouldn't welcome the attention. It would be different if you were online dating or meeting lots of single men your age socially (who would then know you were single and you could give some encouragement to).

GorekyPark · 16/06/2021 18:07

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MissConductUS · 16/06/2021 18:34

If you really want this to happen you're going to have to give OLD another go, because it's a numbers game, and work on your flirting. Google body language attraction.

PicaK · 16/06/2021 18:48

Because if they are single men in their 40s then irl and on old women are falling over themselves to date them.
So join old, post photos, don't use filters and see how you do.