To wonder why men show no interest in me?

[gelatodipistacchio]

Perhaps most relevant to this is that I don't look for male attention.

My friends say I'm really attractive. I'm slender, take decent care to dress well and groom myself, and I think I'm fairly nice and kind. I am however a single mum.

Any ideas?

I don't quite understand. What men are you expecting to show interest? I have read your posts but i still don't get it.

''I don't tend to get out and do things'' ... well ...
''I don't really get on with OLD.'' ... so, you tried? What happened?
''When I have gone to social events, most of the men are married'' ....
''But even out and about, I am sure I get less interest than I once did. I'm now over 40 which can't possibly help.'' You're hoping for random chat ups?

Im not meaning to be unkind, but where/which are the men which are disappointing you?

You need to do things that mean you meet men in real life.

I don't understand how getting attention from random men in the street has anything to do with it? The blokes who do it do it to loads of women. Plenty of the attention is negative. Personally I love the fact it's stopped now I'm nearly 50.

Are you talking about eyes across a coffee shop like on TV or something?

Unfortunately just being slender, attractive and well groomed isn't all there is to attracting someone.

You need to get out there. Have fun, put positive vibes out into the universe. Sign up to a proper dating website. Not the free ones. Join a running club etc.

I agree with NiceGerbil lots of the random male attention i used to get before i hit my 40s was certainly not the sort to turn into a relationship. Workmen yelling in the street, guys talking to your tits, or blokes hanging out of vans ect. Not exactly the path to romance.

At this age most relationships grow from people you (select online seeking similar) form a casual relationship with in real life which turns into something more. Therefore you have to create more of these.

I was shocked to get properly hit on by the electrician last summer! I'm very sociable and maybe he mistook that for fancying him, dunno, perhaps he was just taking a chance, but although I was flattered (im the wrong side of 45) on this occasion he was way off the mark. I was properly surprised.

A different woman, different day, who fancied him back, well it could have turned into something lovely. Who knows? It's about opportunities.

(i'm not suggesting you chat up your electrician, btw )

It sounds like you are saying men don’t approach you or chat you up in the street? Since you don’t mean old, I don’t think most men want to approach random women anymore incase they are accused of being a creep!

I would take any man who approached me on the street out of the blue as a creep tbh!

The see on the train/ on the high street every day and smile at each other/ after a while turns into a hello/ then a bit of a chat is a different matter. There's mutual interest.

Most people I know who've met someone in 30s & 40s have met through work, friends of friends or hobbies....(yes. Cycling).

I do think some men will be put off by a single parent. Some men in 40s will not yet have had kids and may be hoping to meet a woman a few years younger who hasnt yet had kids. Some divorcees are divorced at least in part because being a good dedicated parent wasnt their strong point, and those men are unlikely to be keen to take on a parental role with another set of kids.

She's not getting to the point where anyone is on the horizon though for them to find out.

It's really hard with covid but I think RL is the best way. Pubs clubs the usual etc.

I'm baffled by the attention on the the street comment. OP what did you actually mean there?

Do you have resting bitch/mardy face? I do and I come across as aloof when im really not

I had a permanent scowl when I was young and made no eye contact so as to put of the street types didn't work...!

Cheer up love/ smile love is also seen as an approach!

Sounds like you don’t have time, you’ve not made the effort and not in the right headspace for dating.

@Laiste
Workmen yelling in the street, guys talking to your tits, or blokes hanging out of vans ect. Not exactly the path to romance.

Reminds me of the first few pages of the Jane Austen we read for A-Level

@LoopTheLoops
I don’t think most men want to approach random women anymore incase they are accused of being a creep!

It’s true. 10% of men are utter assholes and always have been. But the other 90%+ are now afraid of being seen to be hitting on/pestering women they don’t know well, and are also of course wary about being seen to be “overly” friendly to other parents children etc, especially girls. Unfortunately all the articles and campaigns in the world won’t change the 10%, while the 90% have modified their behavior to in many cases almost being unfriendly around women they don’t know very well.

Same with me. Had some interest when I was such younger (18-23 or so), then nothing.
People in general don't seem to take much notice of me, though. I must be very bland and boring and fade into the background!

I too am slightly confused. Could you give an example of a scenario where you imagine a man paying you attention in a way that would be pleasing to you?

@Laiste another confused one here.
Do you mean men whistling at you, trying to chat you up, or generally being nice to you because you’re a beautiful woman?

If you mean men that you come across in RL(colleagues etc) they may think you don’t want anyone. If you’re interested in anybody then get the ball rolling.

I was v interested in DP, he ignored me the first time we met, I engineered my way into conversations with him... result! :)

If you're waiting for Mr right to approach you on the street. Like in the old impulse ads?

Then you have more problems than men not randomly giving you flowers and sweeping you off your feet!

Has OP been back?

Yes when we get older men stop noticing us as much. Less attention. C’est la vie.

Also as we get older - there are less available men.

You’re unlikely to find someone through occasional forays to the supermarket. Three main options I think:

1. Meet someone at work, existing colleague, new people joining or you happen to change jobs.
2. Do lots of social things either going to bars, interest groups, walking/ climbing groups, book groups. (Needs a lot of motivation and action).
3. OLD.

That’s it really.

I don't want attention from men on the street! I've literally never gotten this! (Perhaps belying the claims from friends about my supposed beauty!)

I think it's that I feel very blah and nothing. A man I work with seemed interested...until he found out I have a child. I just feel totally invisible.

@gelatodipistacchio

I admit I haven't done much to help myself. I don't really get on with OLD. When I have gone to social events, most of the men are married (I am glad they show no interest). Obviously Covid hasn't been great for meeting people. But even out and about, I am sure I get less interest than I once did. I'm now over 40 which can't possibly help.

I was going to ask how old you were. Bingo!

I'm far from slim and attractive, but got plenty of attention in my 20s and 30s. Turned entirely invisible somewhere between 42 and 45.

I’m also confused about what you’re expecting and who from.

I’m in my 40s. I’m dating. I get lots of attention (some of it even quite nice) when I’m OLD but I wouldn’t expect it elsewhere. I just don’t meet many single men - it sounds like you don’t either.

One good thing about OLD is that you can make your situation clear from the offset (e.g. that you have kids) so you know you’re only attracting people who would actually be interested, iyswim? Worth another try?

You "don't look for men's attention" and don't do social things "unless someone else takes the initiative".

I think that pretty much explains the lack of attention.

A lot of men won’t be interest because you have a child. That’s rules many out.

As for the rest. Nice and kind are not necessarily what men are looking for.

What happened with OLD OP? Personally never done it. Thinking about it i would find it daunting, but also quite exciting in a way!

I think you’re hoping for a love story where a man whom you bump into over the course of ordinary life falls in love with you. Like your colleague.

Sorry to burst your bubble but this isn’t guaranteed to happen no matter how beautiful or charming you are. The probability is higher under some circumstances (like a male dominated office) but even then no guarantees.

Why don’t you just go on casual online dates of the attention and validation of men finding you attractive is what you want? You didn’t say specifically that you wanted a partner anyway