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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be irrationally angry....

68 replies

Itsjustamoment · 16/06/2021 15:02

at my 'D'H for going somewhere he knew I'd really enjoy?
Today my DH has finished work early, picked up his parents who live round the corner from us, and gone somewhere I'd have loved. Think antique store etc etc.
I knew nothing of these plans until he phoned me saying 'you'd love it here, you'd be in your element, that's why you're not here'
I'm beyond furious. It just seems so mean!
Am I being absolutely ridiculous?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 16/06/2021 15:59

Go on your own

Buy whatever you want

But buy more than usual WinkGrin

Original poster
Itsjustamoment · 16/06/2021 16:00

@FuckyouCovid21

I think he has every right to go out with his parents without you, but it was a total dick move to phone you to gloat about it
I agree with you wholeheartedly.
OP posts:
InTheDrunkTank · 16/06/2021 16:10

I don't understand what he meant by 'that's why you're not here'. It ust sounds like an incredibly dickish thing to do either way.

IsThePopeCatholic · 16/06/2021 16:14

That’s horrible . I’d be furious.

grapewine · 16/06/2021 16:17

Thoughtless at best, mean at worst.

AfterSchoolWorry · 16/06/2021 16:20

I wouldn't care apart from the phone call wasting my time with irrelevant information!

I love doing things on my own though, rather than with other people irritating me!

Next time you have a day off, go to that place and have lunch by yourself too! That's real luxury rather than trudging around with others encumbering you!

Sn0tnose · 16/06/2021 16:20

I think it’s beyond ‘thoughtless plonker’. Spiteful arsehole were the words that sprang into my mind.

And I bet if you tell him that he hurt your feelings, he’ll turn it round and accuse you of trying to control when & where he sees his parents.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 16/06/2021 16:56

I'm trying to teach my young kids not to do the gloaty neh-neh-neh-NEH-neh dance when they've got something or doing something that the other one might like...seems like he could benefit from some guidance around this as well!

MrsBobDylan · 16/06/2021 17:03

Does your husband even like you op?!

What a toss pot to call you so he could be the big man with the money having to stop little wifey spending 'his earnings'.

Notaroadrunner · 16/06/2021 17:08

Had he planned to go to this place before collecting his parents, or did they just decide to go there when he collected them. If it was a spur of the moment decision I don't think I'd get worked up about it. If it was planned for a couple of days and he'd deliberately not told you, then that was pretty shitty.

pictish · 16/06/2021 17:16

Don’t like his comment particularly but yabu to be angry he went somewhere you’d like without you. That’s a bit silly.

Howshouldibehave · 16/06/2021 17:18

‘That’s why you’re not here’

Was that supposed to be a joke?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 16/06/2021 17:20

what a fucktard

SleepingStandingUp · 16/06/2021 17:22

you'd love it here, you'd be in your element, that's why you're not here sorry but surely this falls into why are you with him territory? He knows you'd like to go so he's gone and then messaged you just to spite you and has clarified that he wouldn't take you because you don't deserve to do things that you enjoy?

arithanaggerton · 16/06/2021 17:23

That's absolutely nasty. There isn't a funny side to it at all.

I agree that there's nothing wrong with him having the occasional meeting with just his parents (though I think for most occasions, you should be present, you and your DH come as a package deal) but to go somewhere you'd love and then rub it in your face?

He's a prick.

arithanaggerton · 16/06/2021 17:25

It sounds to me like he's implying that because you'd apparently love the place so much, you'd be an annoyance and ruin his day out with his mummy and daddy Confused

I couldn't be with somebody who resents my presence that much.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/06/2021 17:25

I agree that there's nothing wrong with him having the occasional meeting with just his parents (though I think for most occasions, you should be present, you and your DH come as a package deal) dH and I are not a package deal. Were two separate people who love each other enough to be married. He doesn't need to go to the places I go to because I'm incomplete without his presence. I don't need to go on his boys nights out because he's nothing without me

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 16/06/2021 17:26

“Don’t worry, I’m going tomorrow/weekend/next day off work, thanks for reminding me of (place), you’re right, I’ll love it!”

arithanaggerton · 16/06/2021 17:28

@SleepingStandingUp

Yeah, but that's not the context we are on about here. He has deliberately gone somewhere the OP would have liked to have gone, and then going rubbing it in her face. It sounds like he knew full well the OP would have liked to have gone there and made a deliberate, spiteful choice to not invite her.

It would never occur to me to decide to go somewhere with my parents that I know my DH would like and just not invite him, especially when I know he isn't working. Assuming my husband is coming would just be the default assumption for me. This situation just doesn't compute. If he wants to see his mum and dad alone there is no need for the being nasty about it.

PhoenixReincarnated · 16/06/2021 17:29

YANBU It's not him going somewhere you'd like. It's the gloating about it that's nasty.

arithanaggerton · 16/06/2021 17:31

In fact, if I was planning an outing with just my parents and was looking for places to go, if I saw somewhere and thought "Ooh, DH would love that" I'd remember it for another time and wouldn't just go swanning off there and then ringing DH to tell him all about it. I'd expect the same from him.

InTheDrunkTank · 16/06/2021 17:32

@arithanaggerton Exactly. Of course you don't have to go everywhere together. DH and his dad often go fishing which neither I nor MiL have any interest in so they go without us and enjoy quality time just the two of them. I'm certainly not asking tp come with him on boy's night out either but a family outing you would assume would usually include your wife and even more so when going somewhere DH knows his wife would love.

ScottishNewbie · 16/06/2021 17:37

@Justmuddlingalong yes definitely! Grin

Cheeseandlobster · 16/06/2021 18:02

He is a thoughtless prick. Actually no. He is a total cunt. He is revelling in hurting you and rubbing your face in it. Not a nice man

BashfulClam · 16/06/2021 18:03

My DH did that to me one day. He went to our new house being built without me. He took his mum then sent me photos, I’d said I would go out that day but he said he just wanted to sort out his mums shopping and get it over with. So I’d only seen The brick outline and there they were poking around it with proper walls etc. He was no left in any doubt about how cruel and thoughtless I thought he was.