I can never finish anything!

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I don’t know what on Earth my issue is, if I’m lazy or just plain stupid but I can never finish anything.

I’ve started so many amazing projects in my life - including my dream degree, setting up a dream business, etc. And I always seem to just give up halfway through.

I then just bury my head in the sand and hope it’ll all go away. For example, I recently signed up for a six week health and fitness programme because I really need to get fitter. I went to two classes and have since ignored the trainer every time he calls to ask where I am. I thought paying for it all upfront would help me stick at it.

It doesn’t seem to matter whether things are going really well (like when I was running my dream business and it was all taking off before I shut it down) or really badly (the last mark I got in my degree was disappointing and I haven’t attended a lecture or anything since). It’s like I’m self sabotaging and I just don’t know why.

I can’t be the only person in the world that does this? Or am I really just lazy and incompetent? I’ve just made a huge list of all the things I need to finish - or at least contact people to say I’m not doing it anymore - and it’s nearly two pages long.

AIBU or is there something seriously wrong with me? Willing to hear some tough love.

I think this is actually really normal, particularly when you are young, but generally people do manage to stick with something if they have a passion for it or if the end goal is REALLY important and they can keep focusing on it.

Maybe you are addicted to that "new thing" feeling and keep dropping things becuase you want that feeling all the time?

Are you trying to do too many things?

Following with interest.

I am 30 and have tried a lot of different jobs and lifestyles (good) but am also halfway through a degree that I fear I've lost interest in (not good).

Is it possibly fear of failure or fear of change? If this is a constant theme in your life it might be worth getting counselling to explore it more (of course you have to stick to that too!)

Have you tried making a list of the things you have seen to the end - is there anything that separates them from the things you don’t stick to?

I can strongly relate! Especially to the fitness thing - it's like if I sign up for the gym I feel like I have already done the work and let myself off the hook. Not sure why! So many unfinished projects.....

Don’t think it’s too many things as I generally pick one thing at a time (sometimes there’s been overlap and I’ve given up a lot quicker if I’m overwhelmed).

I’ve been seriously passionate about some of the things I’ve started too and I’m gutted I never saw them through to the end.

I had CBT once and they said I had really low self esteem but I never finished going through all of that either.

Just feel utterly useless! I’d love to be one of those super organised, life together kind of people that achieves amazing things.

@NumberTheory good idea about making a list of things I HAVE stuck to, will wrack my brains because right now I can’t think of anything (other than my marriage haha)

I'm the same, cant finish anything, I think the reason is...........

Ok some tough love - you need to remind yourself you’re not only wasting your own time and money, you’re wasting other people’s time and money too. And that is not on.

Signing up for things and not going and then not communicating in any way is just rude. Ok if you pay up front then they’re not out of pocket, but you have taken a place from someone that would have gone. You’re wasting their time as they try and contact you, and leaving them wondering if something has happened or if their service could have been improved in some way, for example.

I appreciate when you sign up you might have all the best intentions of going, but deep down you are obviously not a finisher so don’t sign up in the first place.

I don’t know how old you are, but I suggest therapy to try and get to the root of this as you’re going to go through life really pissing people off.

ADD

ADHD?

Agree with you @Sidge completely. I think it’s finally hit me that I can’t go on like this! It must be SO annoying for those around me too - I always get the “You could have done so much more” comments from people when I give up projects. Thank you for the tough love, very much appreciated.

I'm like this. And have just been diagnosed as ADHD. It has been an absolute lightbulb moment learning about how ADHD impacts me.

I was going to suggest ADD/ADHD too. You might want to look up how it manifests itself in adults an see if you think it applies to you

Is it possible it's ADHD? I am very similar and a friend who has recently been diagnosed suggested it to me.

Another friend has gently suggested I might want to look at the criteria for ASD (they work in a related area so have some knowledge) so I'm now stalling because I can decide where to start

I second the ADHD suggestion - everything you said ties in with it.

I could have wrote this. I have no suggestions or solutions. I blame chronic anxiety and depression for most of it. Like you with cbt, I've even dropped out of anxiety/ depression groups in the past. (Don't think I completed my own cbt either.)
There was a thread on late ADD diagnosis recently and I did question if I have that.

The ADHD thing is interesting - my brother has it and he’s quite similar (lots of different jobs and projects). Despite him having it I don’t really know a lot about it as we have quite a big age gap so I had moved out by the time he was diagnosed. I’ll look into it.

I had CBT once and they said I had really low self esteem but I never finished going through all of that either.

I think this is the one thing on your list that should be prioritised for picking back up and seeing through.

I mean, in the next breath after writing the above quote you've called yourself useless. Beating yourself up is not going to help you feel better or enable you to see things through.

I liked these cartoons when I was exploring whether I should try for a diagnosis. Just saw myself in so many of them and gave me to confidence to book an assessment.

mobile.twitter.com/adhd_alien/status/1159832594223001602

I think you need to set one goal at s time and achieve it, don't try to do too many things at once. Also only pick things you definitely want to finish.

Snap! Me and I’ve long thought I have ADHD. My son has it (diagnosed) I can’t afford a private diagnosis and can’t be bothered fighting with the nhs for one.

I feel exactly the same! I found this blog article really interesting and some good tips... theantiburnoutclub.com/how-to-get-motivated-to-do-anything-14-ways-to-get-and-stay-motivated/

I do this to a degree but not with big things like college courses and fitness classes I've paid for. More so, projects around the house eg I painted my bedroom walls almost 2 months ago but still haven't gotten around to painting the skirting boards although they're splattered with the green paint from the walls! Or, we put down carpets flipping ages ago but still haven't put down the door threshold. It's like a get the job almost done and then think right that's good enough for awhile.

Only thing I have to add is that I once read an article saying life was too short to stick with things that you're not enjoying, such as not finishing a book or a TV series etc. Sometimes once you have a flavour of whatever it is, thats enough. So don't be too hard on yourself for some of things you don't complete

Hello, I used to be quite similar and started, like you, to wonder what was wrong with me. I wonder if any of the following resonates with you;

On the rare occasion something did get completed, not knowing how to take any pleasure in it and quickly forgetting about it. Actually feeling a little frightened or as though I didn’t deserve it.

On initiating something new, pinning inappropriate amount of hope on what it would bring to me (I.e. I will then be that kind of person, which is much better than the kind of person I am now! People will think much more of me.) So a great impetus to start whatever it is, but it soon transpires whatever it is doesn’t have that magic quality. It gets dropped to make way for the activity or skill that apparently does have that magic quality.

Of all the things you have started and not finished, how many are ones that actually interest you or you already had a talent for? How many are “worthy”?

I wondered if you may have been subject to a script. You may know about this, in some families the family members are subject to a script that they are given without their knowledge and often without the rest of the family really being aware that such a script has been doled out. Please don’t be offended if I am very wide of the mark, in which case I am sorry, but I thought it worth mentioning just in case. An example might go like - Tim is the sporting one, we have to nurture his talents and make sacrifices and he has an unwritten obligation to pay us back by winning his tournaments. He has a different role in the family than the others, lots of pressure but lots of accolades too.Sarah is the quiet, nurturing one, and so mature for her age. She has always been marvellous with the littles. If she breaks out and starts putting her own needs first - or anger or other negative feelings, however justified - we will be shocked and disappointed. Sarah stuffs down reasonable feelings because her script, too, has been written for her by the rest of the family. Lisa, however and between ourselves, is a delight but no good at finishing anything. She doesn’t have any staying power, poor thing. I guess until she finds something (and the odds are she won’t at this rate) to miraculously transform her to adult status, finds that unicorn thing, then she remains a child in our eyes. If Lisa though calmly abandoned all the butterfly projects and completed her degree and got a training post and developed a solid career, that would actually be pretty disturbing to other family members. Who is the child now? Where has our sweet non threatening Lisa gone?

Are you actually being a “good girl” in a roundabout way?

I have written such a lot but I do know it happens in some families.