I can never finish anything!

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I don’t know what on Earth my issue is, if I’m lazy or just plain stupid but I can never finish anything.

I’ve started so many amazing projects in my life - including my dream degree, setting up a dream business, etc. And I always seem to just give up halfway through.

I then just bury my head in the sand and hope it’ll all go away. For example, I recently signed up for a six week health and fitness programme because I really need to get fitter. I went to two classes and have since ignored the trainer every time he calls to ask where I am. I thought paying for it all upfront would help me stick at it.

It doesn’t seem to matter whether things are going really well (like when I was running my dream business and it was all taking off before I shut it down) or really badly (the last mark I got in my degree was disappointing and I haven’t attended a lecture or anything since). It’s like I’m self sabotaging and I just don’t know why.

I can’t be the only person in the world that does this? Or am I really just lazy and incompetent? I’ve just made a huge list of all the things I need to finish - or at least contact people to say I’m not doing it anymore - and it’s nearly two pages long.

AIBU or is there something seriously wrong with me? Willing to hear some tough love.

I’m like this. I realised recently that I don’t have a strong sense of self as my mother would tell me that anything I was interested in was a waste of time. Anything she liked was worthwhile though. I also didn’t get to try a lot of different things growing up either as we never went anywhere or did anything and my school was bottom of the barrel.

I’ve found that it’s ok to start something and realise that it’s not what you thought it was. You’re not going to know whether you like it or not without trying. However, you have to have realistic expectations. A new hobby isn’t going to make you a completely new person. It’s also helpful to “try before you buy”. Do a cheaper version for a month or so and see if your interest stays. Additionally, not everything you like has to be a constant active part of your life. Sometimes you can just casually like something or just like the idea of something but not the reality.

ADHD. Speaking from experience. Although I’ve surprisingly managed to finish/hang onto a few things. Nobody is more surprised than me when that happens.

ADHD. I’m like this and now haves a diagnosis, meds and coaching have helped!

neither lazy, nor stupid.
sounds like executive dysfunction which is closely linked with ADHD.

do a free self-assessment online.

I’m the same and suspect I have ADHD. I went to 2 out of the 3 appointments but the consultant made me feel stupid and like he didn’t believe me, my 3rd appointment never came through and I didn’t chase it up because it feels pointless.
I also have a massive fear of failure so I give up trying.

Do you have adhd? This is classic.

Definitely look at ADHD, and also multipods/multipotentialites. I know this feeling so well!

I'm joining the chorus, but I saw the thread title and thought "ADHD" - relatively recently diagnosed so it's on my mind!

But also - a revelation for me - it doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter if you don't finish the things that you're just doing for yourself anyway. It's fine.

Same - I was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type) last year!

Hi OP. I am the same. My life has been a series of wasted potential and opportunities.

I start out new hobbies/obsessions/courses/career ideas, with all the best intentions, only to totally lose interest/motivation fairly quickly.

I dropped out of sixth form once, went on to get A Levels at another sixth form but dropped out of Uni. I'm fairly intelligent (at least I think I am!) but may as well not have achieved my GCSE's/A Levels because I've not used them.

I'm currently a SAHM, I was quite a successful self-employed dog walker but I quit that very suddenly because I couldn't cope with the admin/workload. It was total chaos and every day I was 'winging it'.

General life admin is overwhelming to me too, and running a household with a DH and 3 kids. I can't seem to even get dinner on the table in the evenings consistently.

I miss important appointments all the time. Even parents evenings. All the lists and reminders in the world don't do much good when the thing you're supposed to be doing that day disappears out of your head within half an hour of having remembered it.

My house and garden are also full of half-painted rooms and half-finished landscaping projects.

I'm also totally shite with money and rather impulsive with purchases (usually relating to my current obsession).

I have decided to pursue a diagnosis for ADHD through my GP/Right to Choose - they can refer you to Psychiatry UK which is all done online and apparently has a much shorter waiting list for assessment than the NHS mental health clinics (currently with waiting lists that are years long).

I hope you find answers. It is really crappy for your self esteem wondering why you just cannot achieve, or maintain, what others seem to with ease.

I've spent most of my life thinking I'm lazy, feckless, mentally dysfunctional and just not a very good person. Maybe a diagnosis of ADHD will help with all of that? I hope so.

I’m exactly the same. Although I don’t think I have adhd. I think I am just not motivated to do things I don’t like or are difficult. I always take the easy option in life.

I have been aware for a long time that I never totally finish a project at work but during lockdown I couldn’t even finish a jigsaw! When it got to the sky (the difficult bit) I just thought I’m wasting my time and packed it away.

When I see people doing challenging or scary things, I just think, why would you put yourself through that?

I do have a dc with adhd and they are typical eg constant talking and interrupting, fidgeting, tapping, random noises, no concentration, can’t read a page of a book without an outburst.

@Domoresteps

You may have the inattentive type of ADHD. You don't have to have the hyperactive symptoms to be diagnosed. You can be either hyperactive/impulsive, inattentive, or a combination.