I am a middle-aged woman with a family of my own and I feel so, so much resentment toward my own parent and my PIL.
My mum died when I was a child very suddenly and my DF moved on very quickly with someone else who had DC of their own. My siblings and I were sidelined and I left home at 18. My DF was married to this person for many years and then he was widowed about 2 years ago. My DF is very much a part of their lives including DGC and extended family and friends. He has a very good social life.
My in-laws have been off with me since the day I met them. TBH my MIL sees anyone who is female and not blood-related to her as a major threat and competition. It is actually very weird.
We/ I have had absolutely no help from anyone in our families. My DF used to mind his step DGC for weekends, go on holidays with them and babysit for them. My DC wouldn't really recognise him if he walked past them in the street. I have had ZERO help from him. My step-family actually told me that he is the most amazing person and they look on him as a father.
My PiL have also never helped us with our DC or with anything else, whereas they bend over backwards for his siblings. They have had them on a very few rare occasions on their terms, but if you were to ask them to help you out in an emergency they would say no because that would mean that I benefit from it. My DH has pulled them up a few times on, for example, not acknowledging me at Christmas and generally being a cow. I did try to turn this around as I already had one unhappy side of the family but no matter what I did, I was always in the wrong.
I just want to say that I am not weird or anything. I get on really well with my own siblings, their families, I have great work colleagues and friends who have been a rock for me. I don't think I am in conflict with them because I am not a nice person!
Now our parents are in their 80's and they are becoming more sentimental and a bit less reluctant to churn up drama. Now that my DF is solo, he thinks that my role is to listen to him all the time about how lonely he is, how much he misses his wife and how terrible his life is, etc. He doesn't call anyone else up like this, just me, because I am his daughter. This morning he called me 3 times. I was busy, but he will keep calling till I pick up.
The resentment that I feel is really not healthy and it is eating me away. I have had many, many hard times over the years since my mum died, including issues with my pregnancies and births, my marriage, and other things. Who was comforting me when I was on my knees, crying because I had no one to turn to for help? No one, that's who. It's not that I expected my in-laws to do anything for me. I am not that entitled, but I could have been shown a bit of compassion by them. I know that I am able to do this for others, let alone someone my son loves. I look at my friend's families and they have at least one set of GP's helping them out and I have never had anything.
I know that as our parents get older, we are going to be expected to step up. My DC are now grown and I no longer need any help from anyone. I feel resentful that I haven't had a break since they were born and now have free time and elderly relatives now think it's my job to entertain them. I really do not feel like I owe anyone anything. I just want to be left in peace.
This sounds so horrible I know.