AIBU Opinions Required - My OH can’t let go of his ex wife

[KitKatLife101]

I’d like to think that I’m a reasonable person and normally don’t get too fussed over things but I have this terrible feeling that my OH is still in love with his ex wife. His ex wife finished their relationship when their DD was only one years old. The ex wife very quickly moved on and got remarried leaving my OH heartbroken. This was a good few years ago and we are now due to be married and have a DS together. I can’t however shift the feeling that although he’s happy with me and loves our family, in an ideal world he’d be back with his ex wife and their child. Amongst many other comments he has recently said how he wishes his DD would remember him and his ex wife being together and the lovely things they did as a family. I think what I’m trying to say is that I feel second best and that although he’s really good to me his preference would be to have been allowed to stay with his wife and DD.

I think he needs to be given a short sharp lesson that he is in danger of losing you and being a part time dad to newborn too.

I would tell him that he clearly has unresolved feelings for ex and that you are moving to your parents whilst he figures it out.

Or if that's not possible, I would ask him to move out.

Hopefully he realises what the fuck he's playing at.

How long have you and this current boyfriend been togther?

You need to speak to him OP and let him know how his remarks are making you feel.

There could be something else beyond all this entirely. He could be thinking excitedly about the future the three of you will have and simultaneously feeling guilty that his first child didn't have that experience.

When he says thing that make yo feel like you are second-best - do you ever point out to him how it makes you feel?

A little unnecessarily dismissive of your Azerothi, why would you aim to derise the ops relationship- a - they are engaged to be married, therefore this man is her fiancé, secondly, they evidently are cohabiting and have a child together so are also committed partners. He isn't "this current boyfriend " at all. If not intended your post sounds rude.

That was for azerothi at 15:57

Just to add a different perspective. Sometimes people experience the end of a relationship that didn't get to reach its natural conclusion (from their perspective) as a bereavement. They go on to mourn what could have been and sometimes get stuck feeling like the life that ended prematurely was how theirs was supposed to be, and anything else, whilst lovely, isn't the same or quite their destiny. That's not to say second best, just different, much like a happily married person whose spouse died in an accident and then later remarries.

He shouldn't make comments that make you feel second best or vulnerable to him leaving should his ex become available one day. You should be able to talk about this with compassion and ask that he keeps these thoughts to himself or shares them with a friend, not you. He should respect that.

I may be flamed for this, but do you think being a new mum to a newborn may be making you feel a bit vulnerable?

Also probably against the grain too, are you sure he's not just looking at things from his daughters perspective? What parent wouldn't look back and feel upset that their child was being parented by a step parent through all of their formative years?
I should imagine your little boy being born would have opened up memories of when his daughter was born.
I think your current feelings could be quite easily be resolved by having a frank discussion with your OH... He's always going to have a connection with his EXW, as they had a child together... I should imagine it's very natural to have regards and feelings towards her to some degree, as she too is the mother of his child.
I'd have a very open discussion with your OH, and explain how you feel. If it becomes apparent that there are still strong feelings towards his ex, that trump his feelings for your relationship and family, then you have decisions to make.
All the best.

It's not unreasonable for him to feel sad that his DD's parents aren't together but he should not make you feel like second best.