Ex won't pay big ticket items . Do I just give up ?

[moonfaces]

Rather than drag myself and my kids through hassle of courts and expense ?
He wont pay eg education fees/ Christmas presents and any extra expenses we agreed we would halve outside of basic maintenance weekly sum.
He currently pays £40 per week per child for all expenses and he sees them eow with a twice weekly walk . He gives them four meals over the course of eow, does not do activities nor does he provide so much as a tooth brush . Our children sleep in a storage room in his house and one of the children refuses point blank to go and stay with him . His maintenance in total is 20% of his net pay.
I am currently filing for divorce.
Any advice appreciated from your experience thanks .

Anyone please?

Child maintenance rates are ridiculously low I totally agree.
But they are designed to be the nrp's contribution. So expecting extra on top sadly isn't a right you have.
That said have you gone through cms or even done a proper assessment on cms calculator? If not I would do so.

Would schools fees not be decided on as part of the financial divorce settlement

I think if you expect extra you will have to get that drawn up in a court agreement otherwise you are relying on his goodwill

Did you agree it through court?

If not all he has to give you is the maintenance

Why has he got a “storage room” but no bedroom for his kids? I wouldn’t send them back till he got that sorted out.

Nothing agreed through court .
It's complicated in that we agreed a weekly sum plus shared big expenses .
Covid arrived. He couldn't pay maintenance . Took a mortgage break . Paid now and again ( despite doing nixers all the way through) and when I presented him
With costs six months after his return
To work
He refused saying that because my children didn't do xyz activities through covid, that it balanced out. It certainly did not . He refused to have them through lockdowns as he moved his affair partner in .
My domestic bills went through the roof .
Have I any come
Back here ??? Please.
ThaNos For responses so far

If youre divorcing id lobby for a greater percentage instead of 50/50.

Id work out annual costs of these things until kids are 18 and add that to your 50% share so file for say 80% of the joint assests and explain it as guaranteeing their future school payments etc.

Are the education fees private school fees? Are you going through CMS?

All that should’ve been decided on divorce and unfortunately legally he only has to pay Maintenance

The room is a bedroom
Filled floor to ceiling with boxes and old books/ furniture and a blanket for curtains . He is telling children he is broke and can't afford to do anything with them. Meanwhile he is saving £100 per week to get a mortgage .
What can I do?

We are not divorced yet. I am
Currently preparing affidavit of means

All education fees... grind schools/ books/ fees/ uniforms everything

If you’re talking about grinds, are you in the uk? Or are you in Ireland?

Do you have a solicitor?

How old are the kids? He sounds like a shit but on the Christmas presents, could you just tell the truth kids and say the presents are from you? If he doesn't get them anything, then that's on him.

Have a solicitor and am in Ireland

Don't give up. But go down the legal route rather than discussing with him directly, and keep records of all child-related spending in the meantime.

Should he pay half of the children’s expenses? Absolutely imo. Does the law require him to pay more than the set minimum amount of child support? Nope. And in my experience these types never do.

I don't think there is a right to the additional costs that you have mentioned I'm afraid unless they are recorded in your divorce agreement.

Generally there is just the maintenance and that is based on income of the non resident parent not the needs of the children or resident parent. I'm sorry it's not great if their father doesn't help to support them as much as you think he could or should, but based on current rules these costs would be included in maintenance.

We set out maintenance figure on the regular outgoings of the children. We couldn't predict exactly what would be cost of the extras so agreed to share costs ... until he refused and is ignoring my messages

We are yet to divorce

Would you not just each get your own Christmas presents for the children?

If he has gone back on your agreement I would speak to your solicitor and see if they can see any problems with you claiming through CMS.

Do not divorce before a consent order re finances is in place. It is possible to get specific items included over above cms but they have to be specified. It's tricky though, as you might disagree on what hobbies or the extent to which they follow them. The alternative would be, as a pp said to get more than 50% of the equity to compensate for the inevitable inequality in your expenditure going forward. My ex initially paid over cms, reflecting the real costs, but as time has gone on its down to cms only and is a dick about anything else