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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Worried about Neighbours' friend comment...

67 replies

DumbestBlonde · 14/06/2021 09:08

As posted (as part of another topic) previously, I am in a bit of a Neighbour(s) from Hell situation (and I am sure they think I am one too....) - "typical" problems - noise (amplifier outside) including indredibly foul language of course, weed (x about 8-10 people sometimes), barbecues and fires, using my path when they have their own..... etc etc. All of which are making me feel as through my already diminished life is becoming smaller and smaller, with my thoughts sometimes overwhelmed by the situation. (I know, tragic.)

Last week, I had said something to a teenager visiting about the music - I simply asked if she had headphones (don't they all?) - mainly because the music from the amplifier from INside clashed terribly with whatever she was playing on her phone. I was then screamed at by the Neighbour (female) and told that they would "do it louder now". But then they went away for a few days. Such bliss - which I know is wrong of me.

ANYway - before they did, I happened to encounter a (male) friend/visitor - who obviosuly doesn't know that hostilities have been ramped up. I was just leaving and locking my door - which is right NEXT to their door (see notes re. path - no barrier etc etc).

He (male next door) has a lot of friends, and they all look very similar (I call them- in my head - the Reginalds), but this one must have never seen me before, as he - ah, oh no - SPOKE to me (!)

I was a wee bit "dressed up" and hair done etc, and he decided that flirtation was the best way to go - which I only really responded to by mentioning my daughter's age, and laughing at his weird attempts to chat up a much much older lady. The NDN was not asnwering the door and the "Reginald" said, "Ooh, I bet they're having sex..."
I sighed - got into my car and drove away and was gone for most of the day.

When I came back and was getting things out of my car - about 11pm - he and NDN just parked his car (I suspect drink driving was involved) and he approached me again. As I was putting the seats back up in the rear of my car (bike had been in it), he held a hand out to help me and pulled me towards him rather too closely. I again laughed it off and NDN told him to "come on, twat". (Music and noise then went on for a long time....sigh)

So, this person visited again last night, a few hours after NDNs came back from their short break. I am not SO nosey that I actually listen - but they are so loud and so close that if I set foot outside, I can hear some of what is being said whether I want to or not. I water my few plants later in the evening and just as I opened the patio doors, I heard the very same person say, "And I'm coming back to f**k your next door neighbour". Angry Blush

[The house on the other side is empty, so it's not someone else.]

Cue much laughing Sad, even though he sounded semi-serious....

I do feel vulnerable here (and in the wider area, I hate to say)' things like this do highlught it, because I don't really know what I can do. The difficulties with the NDNs have escalated to a sort of bullying, as they know I am by myself and no-one really even comes here (just the one friend I talked about before). At "best", I am ignored - and at worst (so far), life made difficult/NO consideration at all - and if I say anything at all, I am spoken to like shit.

I know age shouldn't be a factor, but they are I think about eight years younger than my own daughter Sad - I am so ashamed of how this is playing out - and it must be said, find what the friend said last night quite worrying...... (almost sure it was a joke, for the laughs (again, at my expense).

I am mainly ranting (yes, I know it's AIBU), but I would be interested to hear some other views x

OP posts:
Looubylou · 14/06/2021 12:34

I've had hideous neighbour in the past, so I understand how they can affect your life and wellbeing. However, this just sounds like a cock sure, Jack the lad, with high opinion of his charms, reminding his friends that he is irresistible to woman,whilst having a laugh. Forget it. Don't get into conversation. Just smile but be in a hurry. It doesn't feel like a threat to me. Feel secretly flattered in a "in your dreams" sort of way. You've obviously still got it 😂

ArabellaStrange · 14/06/2021 12:41

My idea of the stink bombs, is to prevent them from using their outside space, due to the yucky maisma that would hang over their garden, also if it were me, it would tickle my hehe revenge spot!

DumbestBlonde · 14/06/2021 12:43

@Looubylou

I've had hideous neighbour in the past, so I understand how they can affect your life and wellbeing. However, this just sounds like a cock sure, Jack the lad, with high opinion of his charms, reminding his friends that he is irresistible to woman,whilst having a laugh. Forget it. Don't get into conversation. Just smile but be in a hurry. It doesn't feel like a threat to me. Feel secretly flattered in a "in your dreams" sort of way. You've obviously still got it 😂
Thank you Smile Hilarious to think I might have "It" any longer - just a very rare Good day - if looking from a distance and with one eye closed. I am sure the NDNs will have put him straight - from seeing me out feediing the birds very early in the morning Blush

Non-one knows that I heard what was said, so they don't know how threatened I feel. The rest of the stuff is done part out of selfishness, and partly to try to piss me off, unfortunately.

OP posts:
DumbestBlonde · 14/06/2021 12:48

@ArabellaStrange

My idea of the stink bombs, is to prevent them from using their outside space, due to the yucky maisma that would hang over their garden, also if it were me, it would tickle my hehe revenge spot!
But we are so close together that it would invade "my" space too I would have thought. I am bombarding them with Citronella in the same passive aggressive way that I would, if pushed, play some Elgar at full volume. But loud music is still loud music, the annoyance is in the ear (or nose) of the beholder. If they prefer the stench of weed, then anything remotely nice will be offensive to them..... Maybe I will get complained about? Hmm

(I actually really did like for example, Sandstorm, Party all the Time and Chase the Sun..... but even when I didn't have shitty neighbours, they were played in the car!)

OP posts:
ArabellaStrange · 14/06/2021 16:11

Do it before you go away for a week? Or as you can't comfortably be in the garden as it is, at least the same would apply to them.
Also no one likes the smell of weed, the smell is tolerated by users because of the intoxication it causes.
If you got really lucky they might think it was a drains issue and spend loads of dosh trying to find the problem.

Chanjer · 14/06/2021 16:17

They sound fucking horrible and matey grabbed you physically, uninvited?

I'm not suprised you feel vulnerable whether it was a "joke" or not

If they own and there's no end in sight then move

LakieLady · 14/06/2021 16:27

If you, and they, are in social housing, keep a diary and report the noise nuisance, smell from weed, and anti-social behaviour. Keep a diary.

And look into the possibility of getting a transfer or a mutual exchange.

If not social housing, I'd still report the noise nuisance, but to environmental health.

Geamhradh · 14/06/2021 17:03

You could get your smelly friend (that was you, wasn't it, OP?) to sit near their house.

2bazookas · 14/06/2021 17:36

Don't keep "laughing" or even speaking with a man you dislike (3X ) whenever he tries to flirt with you.

You should just grey-rock; ignore, don't make eye contact, don't speak.

DumbestBlonde · 14/06/2021 17:44

@2bazookas

Don't keep "laughing" or even speaking with a man you dislike (3X ) whenever he tries to flirt with you.

You should just grey-rock; ignore, don't make eye contact, don't speak.

First time, literally almost tripped over him as I was leaving. Second time, I was in the back seat of my car, and he stood in the open door. Third time. There was no third time. I heard what he said, and their laughing, from next door on patio - about 4-5 feet away.
OP posts:
DumbestBlonde · 14/06/2021 17:47

@LakieLady

If you, and they, are in social housing, keep a diary and report the noise nuisance, smell from weed, and anti-social behaviour. Keep a diary.

And look into the possibility of getting a transfer or a mutual exchange.

If not social housing, I'd still report the noise nuisance, but to environmental health.

Both private rented. Same (useless) landlord.
I am in 9th year of living here (they moved in summer 3 years ago I think....it is only in the last year that they have used the garden, when they "impoved" half of it and put up a fishing tarpaulin for year round use sigh) Sad Sad Sad Sad Sad
OP posts:
DumbestBlonde · 14/06/2021 17:48

@Geamhradh

You could get your smelly friend (that was you, wasn't it, OP?) to sit near their house.
Yes, it was me. (I knew someone would remember.....) Hmm
OP posts:
DumbestBlonde · 14/06/2021 17:50

@ArabellaStrange

Do it before you go away for a week? Or as you can't comfortably be in the garden as it is, at least the same would apply to them. Also no one likes the smell of weed, the smell is tolerated by users because of the intoxication it causes. If you got really lucky they might think it was a drains issue and spend loads of dosh trying to find the problem.
I wish I was going away - but then there is the coming back.

I thought they must LOVE the stench, they do it so much (and two of the apartments next door Angry)

OP posts:
DumbestBlonde · 14/06/2021 17:52

@Chanjer

They sound fucking horrible and matey grabbed you physically, uninvited?

I'm not suprised you feel vulnerable whether it was a "joke" or not

If they own and there's no end in sight then move

My living situation makes me feel vulnerable ( and the area etc.), and they see/know enough to feel superior in some way. The me at their age would not have stood for this - not at all Angry
OP posts:
WhatInFreshHell · 14/06/2021 17:56

There's a lot of sighing going on here...

DumbestBlonde · 14/06/2021 17:59

@WhatInFreshHell

There's a lot of sighing going on here...
I think I do actually sigh when I finish writing some of these comments; inserting sigh seems appropriate.

Also, sighing a lot is a sign of stress and poor breathing "technique".

Smile
OP posts:
RealisticSketch · 14/06/2021 18:08

Sent a pm op.

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