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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be irritated about my dh wanting to work 9 day fortnight

88 replies

Atimetocry · 13/06/2021 17:35

My husband is a senior Civil Servant who has worked full-time from home since last March due to Covid. I work 30 hours a week for the NHS. After working from home last year during the first lockdown, I returned to the office last September. I do not work Fridays.

My dh used to travel quite a lot pre Covid, which involved some overnight stays every few weeks. I enjoyed the space to do my own thing and it worked well for both of us. He is hoping to resume visiting other offices again once restrictions lift further (whenever this happens now!). I have been really looking foward to having some periods of time to myself (our dds are grown up - one attends college full-time and the other will be moving out when she gets her first job in the next few months). I really want a return to how things were, with some space to enjoy my Fridays off work. My dh works very hard, but does not have hobbies and when he is not working, enjoys nothing more than staying at home watching sport and playing on his XBox in our living room. He does not enjoy ‘doing’ things like DIY or other activities outside the home and although he pulls his weight with shopping, cooking etc, he can often feel like a heavy presence around the home.

He has just announced today that once he is allowed to travel for work again, he wants to compress his hours and work a 9 day fortnight, having a Friday off every other week. I visit my sister who has a learning disability and lives in supported housing every Saturday (since my mum died nearly two years ago). I really value having some ‘me’ time and a chance to potter by myself on a Friday. AIBU to not be entirely happy about his new preferred work pattern? If he didn’t want a Friday off, this would not be a problem, but I think he would be upset if I suggested he took another day off instead!!!

OP posts:

PrincessTuna · 13/06/2021 20:16

I totally get what you mean OP. A day to yourself is precious.

LizzieVereker · 13/06/2021 20:27

Wow. I’d be heartbroken if someone said this about me
he can often feel like a heavy presence around the home.

redheadonatractor · 13/06/2021 20:38

I get you OP. My situation is different from yours but the outcome similar.

I'm a sahm to two young children. One at school, and one will be beginning preschool part time soon. DH used to be out of the house 7am -8pm M-F so I was used to being on my own with the children, doing my own thing, having an hours peace alone at nap time and once I'd got the children to bed before he got home, that sort of thing.

Then covid, and he's been WFH ever since. He works compressed hours so has every Friday off now, fine. But 2 of his 4 days a week are going to be back in the office from September. And I have said to him can he please, please make them the same days as our youngest goes to preschool so I have two days a week at home alone! I will be busy, I'm doing some training and I have a lot to keep on top of (my eldest has a disability and there is a lot of stuff that goes ok with that) but the idea of having two days a week where I'm on my own whilst he's at work and the children are at school so I DS like paradise to me!

I crave alone time. Doesn't mean I don't love my DH or my children. And those people saying 'poor man being referred to as under her feet, it's his house' yes it is his house of course but when you're used to having that space it is bloody hard having him there constantly, popping up every half an hour with 'useful' suggestions, questions, comments, making a mess etc. Just bugger off for a bit please, ill love you more for it

LordEmsworth · 13/06/2021 20:41

Does your non-working day have to be a Friday? If I were you, I'd change it to a Monday... so he's doing the housework on his Fridays off before the weekend. Then you still get a day alone, plus you accrue leave for the bank holiday Mondays so you get that back as annual leave. You win every way round...

Dora33 · 13/06/2021 21:00

Yanbu if you are ok with your husband to be home every second friday once he is happy to be doing his own thing. I don't think couples need to spend most of their free time together to be happy. If his downtime on fridays involves playing the playstation, then definitely look into moving it into another room. If he expects to spend most of his friday with you, then have a chat now about that being your own time.

Onthegrid · 13/06/2021 21:10

OP I get it, I have been with DH for over 30 years and whilst we are very close he has always travelled as part of his job, we have never spent so much time together. Still no travel yet but at least he goes to the office some days.
He doesn’t work a 9 day fortnight but does have loads more days off than me and also generally finishes early on a Friday (if he has done his hours).

Hankunamatata · 13/06/2021 21:32

Change day off to Monday?

KingdomScrolls · 13/06/2021 22:38

Just because you're both off doesn't mean you have to be joined at the hip, make sure you have something planned or an activity at home to do on some of his Fridays off, I'm sure he'll want the chance to relax and do bits he wants to, do that once a month, then it's only one that a month you're they when you wouldn't have been and that might be nice, go for lunch, out for the day without the weekend masses etc.

BackforGood · 13/06/2021 22:40

I do understand the feeling of 'losing' your quiet day at home. It was a nasty shock for me too, 15months ago, and many, many others, but YA still BU.
However, one way to have a chat with your dh about this is to point out that you will be tutting and sighing if he is on his xbox all day, on the day you are trying to sort the house out, whereas, if he had a different day off from you, you wouldn't be being irritated by it ?

WaterBottle123 · 13/06/2021 22:41

@arethereanyleftatall

I might be off the mark, but if you want to be on your own and not with your husband, then why stay together?

@arethereanyleftatall

LOL. Because wanting alone tent is one hundred percent normal, those creepy do everything together couples aren't.

Hoolihan · 13/06/2021 22:49

I totally sympathise. I honestly don't think I've been on my own at home for more than about an hour since March 2020. I'm desperate to be alone. I love my DH and my kids but PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.

Miarara · 13/06/2021 22:58

Me and DH both acknowledge that we like our own space and don't always want to be in each others pockets. Having the house to yourself and a day on your own is something we both enjoy, circumstances at the moment mean they're very rare, doesn't mean we don't love each other just we like our own space. Could he do his 9 day fortnight with Monday as the day off instead of Friday, sell it to him as he can have a lovely day to himself.

Nuggetnugget · 13/06/2021 23:05

I think you are kind and decent and committed to your sister etc.
But surely you can see its unreasonable for dh to get a day to himself too.
You get every other Friday. He shouldnt do the PlayStation in the sitting room though
I don't really get how you love him but he's a heavy presence in the house?

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