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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU three children in a two bedroom house

63 replies

NameChanged15729 · 13/06/2021 15:11

I’ve name changed for this am I’m wary of anyone recognising it’s me.

I’ve not long found out that I’m pregnant with dc3. As you’ve probably worked out we live in a two bedroom house. At first I was ok with it but a couple of weeks have passed and I’m getting nervous. Not helped by my mum insisting that I’m going to have to move even though a big part of my childhood was sharing a room with my sister in a shoebox house Hmm.

The positives are it’s a relatively big two bed. The two beds in this estate are actually the same size as the three beds but the rooms are partitioned differently. We have a shower room/toilet downstairs and a bathroom/toilet upstairs so I’m not worried about toilet scrambles. No dining room but a decent sized kitchen with a 6 person table in there. The bedrooms upstairs are both big and I’m not worried about putting three children in the same room but I seem to be worried now about judgement from others. I knew we would have to move eventually as I have a dd and a ds so that’s always been the case but I’d like a few more years here first. It’s a lovely house on a lovely little street and I’d be sad to leave.

Am I being unreasonable to inflict this on my children and should I start searching for a new house or is my plan of staying put for a few years reasonable?

OP posts:
UserAtRandom · 13/06/2021 15:37

I think it's fine while the DC are young but I think you need to be thinking more along the lines of moving by the time your oldest is 7/8 than 10. By then they are likely to have older bedtimes than the younger DC so will have to creep to bed each night; they are likely to want to have friends round that are just their friends; and you may see them start to get more than just basic homework so they will need somewhere to do that. Basically I'm not sure your house has enough spaces to accommodate everyone once they all stop doing stuff together as they get older.

Original poster
NameChanged15729 · 13/06/2021 15:42

I’ve thought about partitioning one of the rooms to make two but it probably wouldn’t solve the issue of having to walk through the others room to get to theirs. The attic is basically unusable as well.

It looks like it will be doable at least until the baby needs it’s own space and then I’ll have to have a rethink. It’s not helping that dh is convinced that it’s twins! In that case it would be an immediate move! Confused

OP posts:
CecilyP · 13/06/2021 15:46

I’ve known families with 4 children in a typical 3 bed house where one child has had the box room while the other 3 shared one of the doubles and its worked OK. Which is not a dissimilar situation.

barefeetonthedancemachine · 13/06/2021 15:47

I think it’s fine when they’re little, as they’re older maybe you could partition the room or get a sofa bed for downstairs

BootsScootsAndToots · 13/06/2021 15:48

We lived in a 2 bed house with 2 DC. Dd2 was in with us until she was 2.5 (really big room and she was very attached to sleeping near me 🤐).

We moved to a 3 bed house and now dd1 and dd2 share a room, their choice.

We will move to a 4 bed in the next 12-18 months so that dd1 (10) can have her own room when she's ready and have an office as dh and I will continue to WFH.

Mattsmum2 · 13/06/2021 15:48

Have you seen 22 children and counting? Lots of sharing there😀. Do what works for you regardless of what others say. Good luck with the new addition x

PixieDust28 · 13/06/2021 15:54

I wouldn't worry about it. My mum and dad have 5 kids in a 3 bedroom house.

4 girls, 1 boy. My brother had his own room obviously. We never had a problem sharing. Moving wasn't an option. The house for a 3 bedroom was quite big and they were thinking about converting the dining room into a bedroom but we all said no. So they just stuck with what we liked.

PixieDust28 · 13/06/2021 15:54

Had not have.

Elouera · 13/06/2021 15:54

Look up '3 beds 1 room' and lots of interesting and space saving ideas come up, including roll out beds, triple bunks and creative suggestions.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/06/2021 15:59

@NameChanged15729

I’ve thought about partitioning one of the rooms to make two but it probably wouldn’t solve the issue of having to walk through the others room to get to theirs. The attic is basically unusable as well.

It looks like it will be doable at least until the baby needs it’s own space and then I’ll have to have a rethink. It’s not helping that dh is convinced that it’s twins! In that case it would be an immediate move! Confused

we used small cots upstairs for our twins as we simply couldnt had fitted a cotbed in, so if it is twins, def look at those and depending on the size of the room it'll buy you room. Ours lasted to 6 months at a push but that's because my twins were near 7lb each at birth
Eledamorena · 13/06/2021 16:00

I live in a 4 bed house. 3 children. The older two did have separate rooms, then they shared. The youngest is still in with me. Currently we're in a phase where all three are in with me every night!

Your situation may not be ideal forever but it sounds fine for now. If you feel you need to move in the future, look into it then. I don't recommend it while pregnant anyway!

gobackanddoitproperly · 13/06/2021 16:02

My 3 were roomies for a couple of years. We were living with mum. It was perfectly fine. They are all very close in age. They liked it. Of course they don't remember it now.

Disfordarkchocolate · 13/06/2021 16:03

I started off sharing with my 3 siblings in what could be best described as a small double. Eventually we moved and the 3 girls shared what to me was a massive double room but for some people on here it would have still been akin to torture.

I am a perfectly normal and fully functional adult, no harm came to me at all. Enjoy your house and move when you can afford to and not when people who don't pay the mortgage think you should.

Congratulations.

RandomMess · 13/06/2021 16:04

I would stay where you are as long as possible and save like crazy/over pay the mortgage to make a big as possible step up when you do move.

We have 3 sharing a bedroom until they were 4, 6 & 7 and only changed as my eldest moved out. We kept them in cot beds as long as possible then bunks. Made the most of storage and ruthlessly decluttered.

The baby napped in a cot bed in our bedroom during the day when they were older which was fab as they would sleep in the cot bed anywhere!

MsAwesomeDragon · 13/06/2021 16:11

I shared with my brother and sister until I was 10. It was fine. We had the biggest room, and my brother and I had bunk beds that sort of partitioned the room (one side of the top bunk was blocked off, and the other side of the bottom bunk was blocked off) so it was almost like my brother having a box room and my sister and me sharing a small double. We only had one small shower room as well, so you're already in a better position than we were. They did an extension when I was 10 to extend the kitchen and bathroom, and convert the attic into a bedroom for my brother.

dottiedodah · 13/06/2021 16:44

Can you extend at all? Maybe even a Conservatory ,that you could use as an extra bedroom .My friend is a single parent and has a really good sofabed that she uses while her DC have the bedrooms .Obv if you can move that would be good .3 smallish DC will be Ok but would need more space as they grow I think

partyatthepalace · 13/06/2021 16:44

I’d say you will have to move by the time the eldest is 10, sharing w 2 siblings doing secondary school homework wouldn’t be good. I think you also have to be prepared to move or convert earlier as they may just wake each other up and drive you insane. But right now - fine

Drunkenmonkey · 13/06/2021 17:08

I'm personally very relaxed about this kind of thing. All sorts of arrangements work for different families. In some cultures it is normal to all sleep in the same room and lots of children sharing rooms is very normal and lots of kids love it.
My MIL grew up in Ireland in a 2 bed cottage with 8 siblings, she had a wonderful childhood. They did have lots of outdoor space and not a lot of possessions, but she has an incredible bond with her sisters. They used a pull out bed in the kitchen for a couple of them I believe.

We have a 2 bed flat and will probably have DC3 here and move in the next year after the birth but that's because we would really like a garden. I wouldn't have any qualms about staying here a bit longer if we had outside space, as we actually have quite a lot of indoor space here.
We are playing musical beds half the time anyway! DH is often in with the eldest, the youngest often comes in our bed. There are no strict rules about these things and if it's really not working you can look to move.

AfternoonToffee · 13/06/2021 17:22

@NameChanged15729

I’ve thought about partitioning one of the rooms to make two but it probably wouldn’t solve the issue of having to walk through the others room to get to theirs. The attic is basically unusable as well.

It looks like it will be doable at least until the baby needs it’s own space and then I’ll have to have a rethink. It’s not helping that dh is convinced that it’s twins! In that case it would be an immediate move! Confused

My nephew's wife is expecting twins, they already have two ds's in a small 2 bed house. The plan is to make it work as long as possible.
Whyhello · 13/06/2021 17:27

You’re already pregnant so it’s a case of worrying after the horse has bolted. If you’re in a position to find a three bedroom, I would try but don’t worry if not. Your children will be fine although I don’t think this is a long term solution. My older three shared when they were small but the eldest moved into his own room at six, he needed his own space at that point.

JackieTheFart · 13/06/2021 17:28

I think you’re fine for a good few years yet!

I would make moving a serious consideration though for when they’re getting older - ours are all boys but at 12, 12 and 9, sharing is becoming an issue. Connected is the fact that we just don’t have enough space for us all.

newtolineofduty · 14/06/2021 22:09

Loft conversion? Xx

Elouera · 14/06/2021 22:40

@newtolineofduty

Loft conversion? Xx
@newtolineofduty- you clearly haven't read the OP's replies!
timeisnotaline · 14/06/2021 23:01

You’ve definitely got a few years. And we put our 3yo to bed in our room then move him to the room he shares with his brother as they get overexcited together, so you can do that for a while if 3 together are not going to sleep well.

Your mum might have really wanted a bigger house for you when you were growing up and that’s where her comments are coming from? You could ask - did you think our house was too small Mum? (My usual reaction is a lot more snippy ‘well you thought it was good enough for us didn’t you?!’ But there might be some residual guilt you never knew about here.)

missnevermind · 14/06/2021 23:32

I had 3 boys in 1 bedroom and the baby in with us for 18 months before we moved.
2 large bedrooms, boys 11 9 and 3. If the baby had been a boy I would quite happily have had the four in there in two bunk beds for a while longer. We did only have the 1 bathroom though which made the move faster too.