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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

13th birthday day out and money

63 replies

CauliflowerBalti · 13/06/2021 14:19

My son was invited to a 13th birthday party at an expensive theme park yesterday. The birthday boy’s parents paid his entrance - which was very generous.

I didn’t expect them to pay for food so loaded money on his GoHenry card for food and drinks. None of the other parents did this though - including the birthday boy’s. They were in the park on their own all day, and my son had to pay for everything, for everyone. Three lunches, all drinks - they were even taking money from him for the fairground type games. Which all accept card now. Who knew? I say he ‘had’ to - of course he didn’t. But he said it wasn’t fair to get himself food and drinks if they couldn’t. I’m annoyed he let them hassle him into paying for their games though.

One of the kids was being dropped off at the end of the day at a pub where his mum was. My son messaged to say they were going there - I assumed for tea. But no. The boy’s father stayed at the pub for a couple of pints, and dropped my son home at 10.55pm, having had no dinner and no money left to buy his own because he’d bought everything for everyone else. I asked why on earth he didn’t message me when he was hungry - I’m 5 minutes away, I can collect him - but he said that the dad kept saying they were going in a minute. They got there at just before 8pm. That’s ages to wait to come home.

I am absolutely flabbergasted by it. I don’t feel great about 12 and 13-year olds left to fend for themselves all day somewhere so busy, none of them had enough to drink on such a hot day because they didn’t have enough money (though my son did wisely buy a water bottle in a shop so he could refill it in the toilets - which is fairly canny I guess but cost him £7.50…). That’s my first AIBU - is it ok for kids that age to be somewhere that is safely fenced off, on their own? Am I being overly protective?

Second - AIBU to think you either bring kids home in reasonable time for food, or feed them? I wish I’d messaged to clarify what was happening when my son said they were going to the pub - but it’s a food pub. One of those where if people say they’re going there - it’s for food. It’s not a drinkers pub. Didn’t enter my head the kids wouldn’t be fed. Again - I don’t expect them to pay for him. I do expect them to be aware that kids need feeding, though.

It may be material info that only the dad went. Mum had no involvement that I know of.

OP posts:

traumatisednoodle · 13/06/2021 15:09

What time was the meet up ?
It is just possible if it was 1pm or later that the assumption was that they had had lunch before hand ? But nog dropping back till 10:55 pm ? of course they needed dinner.

eatitgood · 13/06/2021 15:09

God I'd lose my shit if someone drove my child home over the limit.

Invisimamma · 13/06/2021 15:12

I'd send a message to the other parents something along the lines of 'ds had a great day out yesterday, thanks for the invite! I'm. Not sure if you realised he paid for all the boys food and drinks all day as he was the only one with money and he didn't want to see any of his mates go hungry. I'd appreciate it if you could pay him back, it works out at £xx each. His account details are xxxx'

SleepingStandingUp · 13/06/2021 15:15

However at 12/13 I'd also expect any child to mention it themselves or make their own arrangements such as buying their own or going home. The Dad kept saying they were leaving, so even if DS had enough money left to order a meal at the pub by himself, the Dad could have decided he was leaving at any second. I also don't know many 12 to who would turn around to a parent who's had responsibility of them all day, call them out for not leaving already, and leave by themselves.

Op yanbu. All the kids should have had drinks and food or money, even if it meant one of 5hem subbing the other if one had less. Having known he'd dumped his kid at the theme park all day and hadn't made nay provisions to feed him, to then go straight to the pub after and not feed them is ridiculous. Was he drinking beer there then driving them home?

Nohomemadecandles · 13/06/2021 15:16

If I was mum to one of the other kids, I'd want you to tell me. I'd want to pay you back & I'd want to thank your son for sorting out what sounds like a communication error.

No issue with them being unsupervised really

The pub thing is a bit odd though.

Wannakisstheteacher · 13/06/2021 15:25

Very odd. Theme parks are so expensive there is no way I’d expect for the parents to buy food too - so like you I’d have sent money for my DC’s lunch. It seems very strange that none of the other children turned up with any food or money for an entire day out.

BlondeRaven · 13/06/2021 15:26

Your son is to be commended for taking care of his friends. Even the games I can see why he would want to make sure they had fun too. But the other Boys should have contacted their parents to say they needed food, they are old enough to do that. Even if your son contacted you then you could have contacted the other parents and said DS has a go Henry account if you put money on it he can give it to your DS or I will put x on to cover your DS and you can pay me back.

If I found out someone else covered my child I would be paying them back straight away.

I’m not sure there is much you can say at this stage, you could possibly bring it up with the birthday mum that none if the kids had money for food and drinks which surprised you. And in the future can they let you know if DS is going to be out till 11pm with no food so you can make arrangements.

I think it’s fine to let them do their own thing at the theme park but I would expect an adult to be in the actual theme park in case something happened.

Lulola · 13/06/2021 15:31

If you are worried about asking the other parents could you act like you are checking if your son really did buy them food or is fibbing because he wasted it all on the amusement type games? I would put:
Hi, I sent DC with £50 yesterday for his lunch and an emergency. Apparently he had to spend it buying everyone lunch but I’m not sure I believe him because I know there is amusements there - did your DC spend as much or did they take a packed lunch?

traumatisednoodle · 13/06/2021 15:32

Lulola- that is genius

MagnoliaBeige · 13/06/2021 15:35

@Invisimamma

I’d send this message, I wouldn’t be disingenuous with a message about checking if he was telling the truth.

Librariesmakeshhhhappen · 13/06/2021 15:51

@Lulola

If you are worried about asking the other parents could you act like you are checking if your son really did buy them food or is fibbing because he wasted it all on the amusement type games? I would put: Hi, I sent DC with £50 yesterday for his lunch and an emergency. Apparently he had to spend it buying everyone lunch but I’m not sure I believe him because I know there is amusements there - did your DC spend as much or did they take a packed lunch?

Do this OP!

And just hope the other parents are liars!

Beautiful3 · 13/06/2021 15:52

How was the birthday boy going to have lunch, drinks and rides? Where was his dad? Were they supposed to meet up at lunchtime,.but didn't? I would send a message to birthday boys mum, explaining that birthday boy and others had no money so my son had to pay for every ones lunches, drinks and rides. See what she comes back with. Think you need to deal with this quickly, before it becomes too long.

Librariesmakeshhhhappen · 13/06/2021 15:52

Just to clarify; you really should just be direct to birthday mum. But if you dont want to, then try the above.

Beautiful3 · 13/06/2021 15:53

@Lulola message is genius! Do that.

HotChocolateLover · 13/06/2021 15:56

I couldn’t imagine sending my son on a party like that without checking the food situation first. He’d have had a packed lunch and £20 probably.

HazyDaisy123456 · 13/06/2021 15:57

I would have given my child money just incase if arrangements were sketchy and I would have expected other parents to also do the same.

The dad in charge sounds absolutely flaky, feckless and irresponsible. I think the other parents are thoughtless free loading CF’s (with the assumption about all food and drink all day being catered for especially if the theme park is also expensive).

It maybe that some of the lads give your DS a fiver or a tenner tomorrow if their parents ask about food and drink. I know I certainly would if anyone had been kind enough to help my DC out like this. If this doesn’t happen I would have to chalk it up to experience.

I would be extremely annoyed with the dad and be wary about any future arrangements.

blahblahblah321 · 13/06/2021 16:01

Blimey this is awful!

DH took DS and 3 friends to a theme park for his 12th birthday. We told parents in advance that DH wouldn't necessarily stay with them but would be readily available if needed and he paid for entrance, met them for lunch (which we paid for) and I think he treated them to an ice cream/waffle mid afternoon too. So all of the boys brought a small amount of pocket money for anything else they fancied.

I wouldn't dream of sending my child on a day trip with out money! I hope there wasn't more to it and they weren't taking advantage of your DS's kindness

Id be fuming about the pub part too

blahblahblah321 · 13/06/2021 16:03

@copperpotsalot

This happens all the time with my dd. Not theme parks but trips to town etc. Friends don't have money for food so she ends up buying as doesn't want to sit there with food when they dont have any. I can't understand it... so they think their kids just aren't going to eat????

My youngest is the same, he is forever buying stuff for his mates. It's lovely, but I worry about him being taken advantage of

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 13/06/2021 16:04

I absolutely WOULDN'T send lulola's message. Why would you want to indicate that you think your son is a liar?? Even if it is just to hint at the money, that's pretty mean and doesn't paint the son in a great light. Especially as what he did was really kind of him

traumatisednoodle · 13/06/2021 16:09

@sparepantsandtoothbrush
I actually think it is vicariously self depreciating, subtle and very english. But there you go.

Spied · 13/06/2021 16:19

I wouldn't send lulola's message either.
I'd see through that as a pa way of you accusing my dc of spending/taking your dc's money or accusing me of not sending my dc with any cash.
I think there's a very good chance the parents of the other kids did actually send their dc with money (especially if the last party they attended there they took their own money).
Regardless, theme parks are expensive and there's lots of extras not included so even if a meal and drink was paid for I'd still send dc with extra few pounds for the odd ice cream or souvenir. I don't know of any parents who wouldn't.
I think your ds has friends who have taken him for a ride.

traumatisednoodle · 13/06/2021 16:21

So then you'd just respond with " don't know what happen there Johnny was sent with £15" or whatever, then tear Johnny a new one for telling his mate he had no money.

traumatisednoodle · 13/06/2021 16:25

So there are 3 possibilties here:

OP's DS is lying he has spent his money on theme park tat for himself
There was provision (either from birthday boy's family or the boys' parents) for lunch but DS was conned
DS's version is accurate no one else had anyway of feeding themselves.

If it was 1 or 2 I'd want to know.

Nothingyet · 13/06/2021 16:26

When our son was about 10, his friends mum took them to a theme park to celebrate her sons birthday.
My wife gave the mum the £10 or so for the entrance, and gave DS £10 in case he needed it. When he came home he said he was thirsty all day. When asked why he hadn't got a drink, he said he had given the mum his £10 to get an ice cream and after she had said "you can't have both".
She kept the £10 too. What can you do when people are so mean (in both senses of the word)?

UpTheJunktion · 13/06/2021 16:29

It may be material info that only the dad went. Mum had no involvement that I know of

My money would be that it is wholly material. The Dad did not think through any of it.

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