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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding woes

48 replies

Sunshinesusan60 · 13/06/2021 09:52

Due to get married on 20th August. Waiting to see what's said about freedom day and restrictions lifting. Confident that we should be able to go ahead by then. Our day ceremony is only 50 people but another 100 coming in the evening. However this has escalated a bit and I'm now getting concerned about the number of people who haven't RSVP but are still going to turn up! And I have a feeling some will bring partners even though it's not been specified on the invite, so we could go way over the numbers for the evening reception.

In other times I think venues would let this slide. It might just be a bit under catered. But I'm concerned with the covid issues that they will be super strict on numbers even at the evening, surely they wouldn't turn people away? Is anyone else experiencing similar worries? How are you policing it?

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 13/06/2021 09:59

I imagine they are always strict with numbers as they are the ones who reputation is damaged if everyone is underfed.

3Britnee · 13/06/2021 10:01

I'd put someone on the front with a guest list and only let in the people that have RSVP'd.

What entitled cheeky fuckery to expect to just turn up!

Mumdiva99 · 13/06/2021 10:04

You clarify with those who haven't rsvp'd - please can you confirm if you are Coming by x date as I have to let the venue know. If I don't here from you we will assume no.

And for those who are coming but you think might try to sneak a plus one - why not call them to confirm.

TeenMinusTests · 13/06/2021 10:05

I would think people not RSVPing are those worried about the virus and just wanting to delay their decision.

I have to go to a wedding next month (assuming not completely cancelled if opening is delayed) and I'm worried enough about mixing with 30-60 people a number of whom won't be fully vaccinated.

Workyticket · 13/06/2021 10:05

We're the 16th if July. Postponed from last summer. Looks like we'll miss out by 3 days.

I'm so sad - so sick of being upbeat about it.

Samcro · 13/06/2021 10:07

@Workyticket

We're the 16th if July. Postponed from last summer. Looks like we'll miss out by 3 days.

I'm so sad - so sick of being upbeat about it.

so if a wedding is on 17th will that not happen? (got one that day)
LivingLaVidaCovid · 13/06/2021 10:07

@3Britnee

I'd put someone on the front with a guest list and only let in the people that have RSVP'd.

What entitled cheeky fuckery to expect to just turn up!

Yep. It is really not hard to RSVP.

I also think it's easy to understand the difference between livinglavida is invited and Mr and mrs livinglavida are invited.

It sounds like this is just another thing on your wedding stress list.
Honestly - Get a person on the door, print and list and forget about it.

BrilliantBetty · 13/06/2021 10:09

They are always strict on numbers. If they state a 'maximum capacity' it is the number they are licensed to have in the venue in accordance with fire regulations. If there are tables / chairs out the 'maximum capacity' is reduced.

So you definitely need to know your numbers either way.

I would communicate to everyone that you need an RSVP by xx date.

A lot of people are holding off committing to things this year including myself. I would not want to attend a 100 person party any time soon, honestly. I'd probably string along an rsvp too, to buy a bit more time incase I start to feel better about mixing. Maybe people are slow to confirm with you because no-one's completely sure it will be going ahead anyway.

Workyticket · 13/06/2021 10:14

Restricted to probably 30

TeenMinusTests · 13/06/2021 10:17

Samcro It all depends on what the government announce tomorrow.

  • They could go ahead with 21st June.
  • They could delay everything by 4 weeks to Mon 19th July
  • Or they could delay by a lesser amount e.g. 3 weeks
  • Or they could do a partial opening on 21st June, e.g. not removing all restrictions but still allowing larger weddings & funerals
newnortherner111 · 13/06/2021 11:02

I think you need to wait until tomorrow's announcement.

I agree with the sentiment of being unhappy that people have not bothered to RSVP. Perhaps after tomorrow's announcement you should contact them.

KarmaStar · 13/06/2021 11:55

Send out another message saying due to covid rules,only those who have rsvp'd will be admitted by the management of the venue and there will be no exceptions.
Then stick to it.
They are extremely rude to not respond.

Original poster
Sunshinesusan60 · 13/06/2021 12:14

It is rude and creating a lot of additional stress. But it happens. People wait and see if they get a better offer I suppose then turn up last minute if they fancy it Hmm

I will speak to the venue and confirm how strict they are being. I've been to wedding receptions before where they have gone over by 100 in the evening and the venue allowed it there just wasn't enough food to go around everyone. But obviously with covid things might be a bit stricter.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshinesusan60 · 13/06/2021 12:24

I suppose what I'm asking is would the venue turn people away. It's a pub venue if that makes any difference

OP posts:
gurglebelly · 13/06/2021 12:24

@Workyticket

We're the 16th if July. Postponed from last summer. Looks like we'll miss out by 3 days.

I'm so sad - so sick of being upbeat about it.

I'm so sorry, we were in the same position and rearranged 4 times before we finally managed to get married in a tiny ceremony. Even then we were one of the 5000 couples caught up in the 'weddings can go ahead but we won't let your venue open' debacle, so 2 weeks before we still didn't know if it would happen.

I know exactly how you are feeling and it is horrible, you should be able to spend the immediate run up to your wedding in a bubble of excitement but it's impossible when it is so clouded in uncertainty and anxiety. Thanks

Samcro · 13/06/2021 12:29

@TeenMinusTests

Samcro It all depends on what the government announce tomorrow.
  • They could go ahead with 21st June.
  • They could delay everything by 4 weeks to Mon 19th July
  • Or they could delay by a lesser amount e.g. 3 weeks
  • Or they could do a partial opening on 21st June, e.g. not removing all restrictions but still allowing larger weddings & funerals
thanks to be honest doubt we will go as dd lives in a care home. can't imagine it will be allowed.
gurglebelly · 13/06/2021 12:33

@Samcro weddings have been allowed to go ahead (in England) since April, the only impact any changes to 21st June may have is on numbers allowed

BarbarianMum · 13/06/2021 16:24

Some might be waiting to see if they get a better offer but I doubt it would be that for many. I bet a lot are hanging on in the hope of getting a vaccine /second vaccine into themselves and keeping a sharp eye on the infection rate, esp if it means financial outlay such as booking a hotel room.

If you need to send round a final RSVP date then do so. You can follow up with a "sorry you'll not be joining us" email for those who still dont respond if you are worried about them showing up anyway.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow announcement.

Original poster
Sunshinesusan60 · 13/06/2021 16:51

I guess my overall question is are venues usually strict with numbers? Are they likely to turn people away if it gets ridiculous or should it be ok?

If we do go over it shouldn't be by more than 25 max, so hopefully nobody will be doing a head count!!!

It's just very stressful not knowing. If people said sorry I can't come then I would be able to invite others in their place. As it stands I've gone over already so can't invite anyone else. But some of these people might not even turn up!

OP posts:
WeeWelshWoman · 13/06/2021 17:01

At the moment with Covid rules, yes.

AntiStars · 13/06/2021 17:13

We got married in the pandemic with last min reduction in no’s to 15. Both the church and venue wanted guests names and addresses for track and trace in advance and you had to be seated for food t/out so yes the venue was strict and there really was no option to ‘accidentally’ go over on no’s.

Why don’t you wait and see what Boris says tomorrow then contact everyone with a RSVP date for Fri saying that you need definite names of all attendees by then, anyone who’s not replied will unfortunately be assumed not to be coming and due to Covid regs, sadly you are no longer able to include plus 1’s not named on the original invite. Blame it all on Covid regulations people will understand it’s what we had to do.

SnackSizeRaisin · 13/06/2021 17:30

guess my overall question is are venues usually strict with numbers? Are they likely to turn people away if it gets ridiculous or should it be ok?

Outside covid times you just turn up, I've never known anyone to check on the door who's coming in to an evening do. Especially if the Venue is open to the public as well. People just tend to wander around. With covid they will presumably be taking track and trace details on the door so it might be different.

IggyAce · 13/06/2021 17:35

My dh is a wedding photographer and has shot some weddings the last couple of weekends and yes venues are strict on numbers. They have turned a blind eye to guests dancing.

BarbarianMum · 13/06/2021 18:17

Venirs are strict on numbers because they will get fined if they go over. So yes, you do need to be clear about that.

miltonj · 13/06/2021 18:21

There has been talk of weddings going back to normal from the 21st regardless of wether lockdown is pushed back so there's still hope for us with weddings coming up.

Op I know what you mean. I've had to re chase people for rsvps who have either said they thought their rsvp from cancelled wedding counted or that they're waiting to see what happens with restrictions. Understandable but very frustrating for those planning. You've got plenty of time now tho to establish who is coming. Good luck!