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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my daughter should stay with her dad whilst I self isolate?

41 replies

everyagehas · 12/06/2021 16:13

I have been in contact with a positive case yesterday, my daughter is at her dads for the weekend.

I told her dad that I have to self isolate and that it would make most sense for him to keep daughter for the 10 days. He says that's not how it works because i am not positive so only I need to isolate but daughter can still come home and go to school as normal. She is 7.

Can't find much online and this makes no sense to me as I may have contracted it, also if I'm to self isolate how would she get to school? Also it would mean at night and at weekend she would have to stay in the house with me and not be able to go do things. He says he can't have her due to work so I'm really not sure what to do here.

Any advice?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 12/06/2021 16:15

He’s right, in that she doesn’t have to self isolate, but you’re also right that it makes life so much harder if you cannot leave the house and it would make so much more sense if he has her!

dementedpixie · 12/06/2021 16:16

It is true that its only you that needs to isolate.
It's a bit crap he won't step up to help though especially with the school runs

Original poster
everyagehas · 12/06/2021 16:18

Well and also if I had her then I became positive then that would then mean she would have to isolate for 10 days is that correct? So we could be isolating for much longer than 10 days if she ends up getting it. It just seems really counter productive.

OP posts:
denverRegina · 12/06/2021 16:25

It's more than a bit crap, poor kid. Why does he want to risk her potentially missing yet another 2 weeks of school?

Original poster
everyagehas · 12/06/2021 16:35

@denverRegina apparently he can't take off work

OP posts:
Original poster
everyagehas · 12/06/2021 17:19

Bump

OP posts:
LoopTheLoops · 12/06/2021 17:22

Yes he is correct, my kids have had to isolate at least 5 times now and each time I’ve had to keep all kids off school as no one to take them.

Original poster
everyagehas · 12/06/2021 17:26

So it would make more sense for him to keep her

OP posts:
LoopTheLoops · 12/06/2021 17:29

Yeh but you can’t force him 🤷‍♀️

DelphiniumBlue · 12/06/2021 17:29

Maybe he can do the school runs?

cocoloco987 · 12/06/2021 17:31

He's correct, personally I'd want my dc back anyway but he should step up if you've asked him unless he has a very good reason

Hankunamatata · 12/06/2021 17:38

Could he drop her to school Monday? And you do lateral flow Monday morning?

Ponoka7 · 12/06/2021 17:41

Ideally he should take her to school on Monday and you test. They were asking parents to have tests at home, haven't you got any?

ElderMillennial · 12/06/2021 18:07

But if he works so that's why it's difficult for him to take her.

He's right that she doesn't need to isolate and there is no reason why you shouldn't keep her except how will she get to school?

Wishitsnows · 12/06/2021 18:44

Amazing how so often it is only men that can't take time off of work

BlackeyedSusan · 12/06/2021 18:49

Ring school and ask for advice as you can't take her. Also see if one of your friends can walk her home.

TwoLeftElbows · 12/06/2021 19:11

@Wishitsnows

Amazing how so often it is only men that can't take time off of work
Exactly. This kind of thing really shows up how kids benefit when their parents can manage not to be dicks.

Of course it would be better if he could take her, but if not could he at least do the school runs so she doesn't have to miss school?

Original poster
everyagehas · 12/06/2021 19:14

@cocoloco987 so you would rather risk your child contracting Covid from you and keep them off school and in the house not allowed out than have them stay 10 nights with their other parent?

OP posts:
poppycat10 · 12/06/2021 19:18

@LoopTheLoops

Yeh but you can’t force him 🤷‍♀️
Yes the OP can because he is the dad and he has parental responsibility for his daughter.

I really do get fed up with the stories on here of divorced parents who say "not my turn". IT'S YOUR CHILD AND IT IS IRRELEVANT WHOSE TURN IT IS.

If he works he has to take time off, like normal parents do when their children are ill or there is a family emergency like now.

Original poster
everyagehas · 12/06/2021 19:25

@poppycat10 I agree, outdated, sexist and disgusting attitude. I think to myself imagine if he had to self isolate for 10 days and I said to him well that doesn't suit me you'll have to take her, would he nothing! I will miss her and would love to have her here with me but I don't think that's in her best interests. He's self employed so I understand he will lose Money from not working however he has staff and he could take the time off if he really wanted to. I'm close to just saying 'tough that's what's happening'.

To make matters worse he's saying all this to me whilst daughter is in background and she's shouting please mummy I want to come home and it makes me look like I just don't want her. Usually my parents would help but they are away on holiday (in the uk) and they do deserve it no way would I expect them to cancel.

OP posts:
SpaceRaiders · 12/06/2021 19:34

I’d love to hear how you’d force a NRP @poppycat10. Short of not answering the door When they get home which would equally be distressing for the child. There is no way you can force the NRP to bear responsibility for his/her child without inflicting trauma on the child.

Thankfully we haven’t had to isolate. Op could another school mum swing round and take your dc to school?

LoopTheLoops · 12/06/2021 19:43

Yes the OP can because he is the dad and he has parental responsibility for his daughter.

Just out of interest but how can you force someone? My ex is absent and has never had our children since we split! How do you force someone Hmm

SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2021 19:46

[quote everyagehas]@poppycat10 I agree, outdated, sexist and disgusting attitude. I think to myself imagine if he had to self isolate for 10 days and I said to him well that doesn't suit me you'll have to take her, would he nothing! I will miss her and would love to have her here with me but I don't think that's in her best interests. He's self employed so I understand he will lose Money from not working however he has staff and he could take the time off if he really wanted to. I'm close to just saying 'tough that's what's happening'.

To make matters worse he's saying all this to me whilst daughter is in background and she's shouting please mummy I want to come home and it makes me look like I just don't want her. Usually my parents would help but they are away on holiday (in the uk) and they do deserve it no way would I expect them to cancel. [/quote]
You need to tell him it isn't safe to have her and her need to do the school run around work. Can you do a test at 5 days then to clear yourself and have her back?

Original poster
everyagehas · 12/06/2021 19:47

@SleepingStandingUp yes good idea, I could test at 5 days and if negative have her back...does that mean I would still have to isolate for the next 5 days or would I be good to go?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2021 19:55

[quote everyagehas]@SleepingStandingUp yes good idea, I could test at 5 days and if negative have her back...does that mean I would still have to isolate for the next 5 days or would I be good to go? [/quote]
I'm not sure, it's what quarantine people do isn't it so I assumed it would work for you too?

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