To think my daughter should stay with her dad whilst I self isolate?

[everyagehas]

I have been in contact with a positive case yesterday, my daughter is at her dads for the weekend.

I told her dad that I have to self isolate and that it would make most sense for him to keep daughter for the 10 days. He says that's not how it works because i am not positive so only I need to isolate but daughter can still come home and go to school as normal. She is 7.

Can't find much online and this makes no sense to me as I may have contracted it, also if I'm to self isolate how would she get to school? Also it would mean at night and at weekend she would have to stay in the house with me and not be able to go do things. He says he can't have her due to work so I'm really not sure what to do here.

Any advice?

@SleepingStandingUp yeah I'll need to look into it further, like if I have to isolate the full ten days. But even if I do, I could still test day 5 and then she could isolate with me over the weekend and would let him get to work. Good idea, thank you!

[quote everyagehas]@poppycat10 I agree, outdated, sexist and disgusting attitude. I think to myself imagine if he had to self isolate for 10 days and I said to him well that doesn't suit me you'll have to take her, would he nothing! I will miss her and would love to have her here with me but I don't think that's in her best interests. He's self employed so I understand he will lose Money from not working however he has staff and he could take the time off if he really wanted to. I'm close to just saying 'tough that's what's happening'.

To make matters worse he's saying all this to me whilst daughter is in background and she's shouting please mummy I want to come home and it makes me look like I just don't want her. Usually my parents would help but they are away on holiday (in the uk) and they do deserve it no way would I expect them to cancel. [/quote]
If he were to have to self isolate and asked you to take time off work to have her, could you? Work wouldn’t pay you.

@Hankunamatata

Could he drop her to school Monday? And you do lateral flow Monday morning?

A lateral flow test shouldn't be used. They are used to catch asymptomatic cases and aren't reliable for confirming whether someone has contracted Covid after being exposed to it. OP can't leave the house for 10 days under any circumstances (unless a medical emergency etc).

@Soontobe60 I would yes because it's best for my daughter. 100 percent.

I don’t think the 5 day test works if you’ve been told to isolate. It’s just for people travelling who haven’t been in contact with a positive case.

How much longer do you have to stay in Op and can she stay with anyone else.

Other than her father who clearly is being a bit shit

@LittleBearPad today is day 1, well she can stay with his mum, she can also stay with my dad (it's my mum and stepdad on holiday) and my best friend has said she can stay with her whenever. Problem is he doesn't like my dad so refuses to ask for his help, shooting himself in the foot really.

You could see if you can join this study. If you get put in the right group and do a -ve lft every morning you there is chance don't need to isolate.

www.gov.uk/guidance/daily-contact-testing-study#who-can-take-part

@cocoloco987 so you would rather risk your child contracting Covid from you and keep them off school and in the house not allowed out than have them stay 10 nights with their other parent?

Yes, school would provide learning from home of worst comes to worst bit currently you probably won't contract covid and your Dd probably won't even if you do. Everyone I know who has had it has not passed it on to any family member. My DC have never spent 10 days with their df so I wouldn't see this situation as a reason to suddenly make them. Tbh your daughter's reaction (begging to come home) is more than mine would do too

I had a similar situation. DS isolated with me and we went back to remote schooling. It was hard work, as I was also remote working, but we got into quite a good routine and enjoyed the extra time together. School didn’t count it as an absence, because it was covid-related and unavoidable.

Mental! Why would anyone suggest that a friend should do the school run instead of the dad.

You are 100% right OP, of COURSE she should stay with him. Chances are if she or you get COVID then you would be absolutely fine, but you could be really poorly and then it wouldn't be possible for her to leave as she would already be exposed. And as her father why on earth would he be willing to take that risk!

Guilt trip him... no I'm not positive, yet, but I might be and it is well known that the days before symptoms are the most contagious so why are you willing to risk our child like this?

I would normally say missing some school, missing some activities, no big deal. But this year it is!!!

He needs to step up!!

Have you been contacted by track and trace and told to isolate? Because if you haven't, you don't have to.
I called the Covid helpline on Thursday to ask how to get a PCR test as one of the girls in my office tested positive, and they advised that unless I had symptoms, I wasn't eligible for one and that unless track and trace phoned me, just to continue with my business as usual.
Worked from home yesterday, managed to get a PCR test booked as I wouldn't feel comfortable going to the office without knowing and it came back negative today, so unless track and trace contact me tomorrow, I'm back at work on Monday...

Yes - until you became symptomatic or had a positive test - she doesn't have to.

My toddler was exposed at nursery and until he was positive/started coughing I didn't have to isolate.

At that point I was 38 weeks pregnant and had important scans/test due at anti natal and my midwife confirmed the advice that I could still attend.

My son remained a symptomatic but we continued to test him every few days (needed to know for new babies sake) and he tested positive the day after I should have gone to an anti natal clinic.

The rules are nuts.

However despite my son drooling on me and being close to him - I did not catch covid from him. Crazy world

If she's at school surely he's not going to need to take the whole day off? Maybe just finish a bit early for the week which with him being self employed should be easier compared to a 9-5. It would be nice for him to spend that extra time with her as well. I see this a lot with people pulling the 'it's not my turn' shit and there's such a different standard for dad's both in separated and together relationships.
Also you may well test positive and risk giving it to your daughter, which surely he also wants to prevent.
My partner has a son from a previous relationship and is self employed, if this was our situation he would do school drop off and then I would probably pick up, im on mat leave but would be able to do the pick ups if I was working anyway as they're flexible. Does he have a partner or family member you would feel comfortable to pitch in and help with childcare while he was working?

Why would anyone suggest that a friend should do the school run instead of the dad.

Because often friends rally round and are far more supportive than the NRP. And that’s what many lone/ single parents without family support have had to do throughout this year.

It’s all well and good telling op her ex should step up but the fact that she’s posting here would suggest, she’s tried and failed to get him to look after his child or find an alternative solution.

@SpaceRaiders you are quite right. I didn't mean to sound insensitive to that but rather supportive that she was being reasonable in her request.

Some of the posts sounded like they thought she was being unreasonable asking him to do it, but you may be quite right that they were simply trying to put realistic alternatives on the table.