To be really petty....

[Yellowbowlbanana]

I know that I am but fuck me I'm frustrated and need to rant somewhere. Dh and I have regular conversations about his inability to contribute to the logistics of our life (for want of a better description). We talked about this at the beginning of the week and how he needs to put some kind of system in place but it doesn't seem to make a blind bit of difference.

We both work FT and have 4 DC of an age where they do lots of sport/hobbies and require lots of ferrying about. I am very organised - all activities and meals go on a family whiteboard and I am constantly thinking about who needs to be where, how they're going to get there, what they need and when they're going to eat. Dh thinks of nothing until half an hour before and then gets really stressed. We have discussed cutting back on activities but ultimately it's the collective issue of us all doing one thing.

This morning 2 of the DC have to be in different places at around the same time. We are down to one car at the moment and have managed to borrow a 2 seater from a family member. This is all at my instigation otherwise we'd have got to today and he'd be flapping about because it wasn't sorted.

This morning, 30 minutes before one DC needs to leave he asks me what the plan is. I have been up since 5 (not his fault, I couldn't sleep), I've walked the dogs and done loads of jobs. I have mentally planned how everything is going to work. He has now walked out of the house with no consideration at all about what we're going to do for lunch (we're out for the day and it's too expensive to buy lunch out) or any of the other plans except for the immediate one of transporting Dd.

Would it be really petty of me to make us all lunch and just not bother with his? I'm so fucking bored of thinking of everything.

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney
Is it your own insecurities that make you so nasty? Always puzzles me why people feel the need to insult others to justify their own choices

I voted YABU because I think its a bit mean to make lunch for everyone except him.
I do sympathise though all the organising and life admin seems to be your job and it's a lot to think about and it isnt fair. If it's been this way for a while he won't change overnight, maybe start by making one of the things you pick up his job to look after, make sure he understands the problem, and hopefully one less thing to worry about and then shift more things over to his responsibility

@Bellbottomstovetop

You need to let him fail. This is the problem with people who moan about this kind of stuff. 'Yes but if I don't do it, X,Y and Z will happen'. Let it happen. Let the shit hit the fan. Let him deal with the consequences and fall out.

You either have to accept that it gets done your way which means you do it all. Or he does it your way, which you don't necessarily like.

This was honestly the best piece of marriage advice I was ever given and it is true. Yes, I do silently and slowly want to plot his murder when the kids go out dressed in hideous mismatched clothes, his school run mornings are chaos and the kids get fed pizza and chips every Saturday. But no one died and shit gets done without me having to do it.

This 💯 👍🏼

You don't just 'call off a match' .... you would be letting the team down and that's a massive issue in sport (my DH is ancient and 'retired' from cricket years ago but is frequently called up because 'someone can't make it' - fair enough if there is a genuine reason but if you commit to a team sport you really need to commit to the team matches).

I find men like this so unattractive. When my DH slips into this mode I remind him of this fact. Why would I want to shag a man who can't function as an adult. I happily accomodate unshaven, baggy eyed and middle aged spread but when it comes to man child behaviour, my fanny clamps right up!

He very quickly pulls his (crumpled/ odd/ holey) socks up and takes on the world. When I say takes on the world, I mean cooks the dinner, scrubs the bath or the likes. Nothing earth shattering, just the ordinary day to day shite that women manage with their eyes shut and three kids in tow.