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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you buy gifts for adult birthday parties?

52 replies

thecolourmauve · 11/06/2021 23:50

I’ve been invited to a colleague’s birthday party in a couple of weeks time. I’ve known her for about three years and we’re friends but not close friends. She’s having a barbecue in the garden so it’s all fairly informal.

I’m not sure what to do about presents - should I buy her a little something and a card as well, or is it acceptable to bring a bottle and leave it at that?

It’s been so long since I’ve socialised that I’ve forgotten what’s expected! Confused

We’re all in our early 40s in case that’s relevant.

OP posts:
Mooloolabababy · 12/06/2021 10:32

So, I'd probably take a bottle of wine for attending the party, I'd also take a bottle of gin or other spirit as a gift. I'd put the gift bottle in a bottle bag along with a card so it's clear that it's a present.

FunTimes2020 · 12/06/2021 10:35

@LoopTheLoops

I wouldn’t turn up empty handed on someone’s birthday Shock
OP wasn't either ShockHmm
LoopTheLoops · 12/06/2021 13:00

A bottle of wine is hardly a gift that’s something you should bring anyway Hmm

SleepyPartyTime · 12/06/2021 13:01

@LoopTheLoops

A bottle of wine is hardly a gift that’s something you should bring anyway Hmm
I think that was everyone's point. Just bring a bottle of wine as you would normally. Perhaps make it a nice bottle.
redcarbluecar · 12/06/2021 13:05

Bottle in gift bag and card

TheChosenTwo · 12/06/2021 13:10

I’d bring a bottle and flowers anyway as a gift for hosting, a thank you really. The wine may end up being drunk by anyone so not much of a thankyou to the host.
I’d bring a present like a candle/plant depending on the person.

LoopTheLoops · 12/06/2021 13:11

I meant a bottle of wine is not enough for a birthday.

LoopTheLoops · 12/06/2021 13:12

A small gift should be included

sbhydrogen · 12/06/2021 13:14

I'd bring a bottle and that's pretty much it. Maybe a card if you're lucky!

Nohomemadecandles · 12/06/2021 13:20

Take a gift. Don't stress about what the gift is. The normal among us appreciate the thought. Candle, chocolates, flowers. Honestly, most people aren't MN gift weirdos

drpet49 · 12/06/2021 13:23

A bottle of wine is hardly a gift that’s something you should bring anyway

^I agree

Crankley · 12/06/2021 13:34

If someone invites you to dinner you would presumably take a bottle of wine and flowers or chocolates anyway. If it's a birthday I definitely think it would be mean not to take a birthday gift.

LoopTheLoops · 12/06/2021 13:49

Exactly what I was saying, I don’t know why anyone found that so hard to understand, a bottle of wine is something you would bring anyway birthday or not, but If it’s a birthday I think it’s a bit rude/tight to not bring a little token gift (as well as the wine which you would be bringing anyway)

PegasusReturns · 12/06/2021 13:51

I’d being a gift.

You’d take wine/champagne and possibly flowers anyway. So something else in a gift bag so it’s clear it’s just for her is appropriate.

PegasusReturns · 12/06/2021 13:52

And no one is going to think @thecolourmauve is so odd for bringing a small gift on my birthday

OldTinHat · 12/06/2021 14:28

Flowers, a bottle and a card.

UserAtRandom · 12/06/2021 14:35

I'd bring a card and a bottle of wine. I only buy gifts for adults that I am close too (and often then only on milestone birthdays). I'd go so far as to say that most adults don't want lots of random birthday gifts and would tell you not to bring anything.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 12/06/2021 14:35

Why would you not give a gift Just because they are an adult?

Crankley · 12/06/2021 15:50

@UserAtRandom

I'd bring a card and a bottle of wine. I only buy gifts for adults that I am close too (and often then only on milestone birthdays). I'd go so far as to say that most adults don't want lots of random birthday gifts and would tell you not to bring anything.
Presumably you're happy to receive no gifts on your birthday then? Or are you just tight?
UserAtRandom · 12/06/2021 16:23

Presumably you're happy to receive no gifts on your birthday then? Or are you just tight?
Yes, I'm happy to receive no gifts on my birthday.
I'm particularly happy not to receive random gifts of toiletries, flowers or candles which are the things suggested on this thread. I think people appreciate the thought but don't necessarily appreciate the gift iyswim. I don't think buying people something they don't want just because you feel you ought to makes you tight? Different if you know them well and you can buy something they generally will appreciate.
I would however be more than happy to help with the food or the clearing away.

SleepyPartyTime · 12/06/2021 16:40

@Crankley OP isn't a close friend of this woman. Most adults don't want a load of random tatt wrapped up for their birthday from people they don't know well. My friend had a 40th before covid and most brought nice bottles (nicer than you'd generally just bring with you to a party) in a wine gift bag or with some ribbon around. My friend then had a lovely lot of wine for her collection.

MasterBeth · 12/06/2021 17:11

@drpet49

If it was a birthday I would definitely buy a gift. Even if just a gift card.
Worst answer yet. Just about as bad as putting a load of coins in an envelope.
MasterBeth · 12/06/2021 17:13

Champagne.

SwimBaby · 12/06/2021 17:17

If I’ve been invited to a birthday do/party/bbq then I’d buy a gift. I don’t necessarily if it’s a restaurant meal and the guests are paying for themselves.

cappuccinoandcats · 12/06/2021 18:05

Yes. Something small. My grandmother and mum always taught us to take something when visiting. Especially if it is a birthday. A small gesture is often very much appreciated