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AIBU?

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Original poster

Calling your kid stupid

33 replies

YummyButter · 11/06/2021 17:14

SIL went round to visit great uncle today, her DC is 2 weeks old and she wanted to let her great uncle meet DC. SIL happened to mention this visit in the family group chat when I was visiting PIL with my DC.

MIL started complaining that they weren't vaccinated yet etc., and that they shouldn't be visiting anyone. She went on to describe SIL as "careless and stupid" (with a laugh thrown in for good measure). FYI, this isn't the first time I've heard her call her daughter stupid.

Is it just me, or is this just nasty? Never in a million years would I dream of calling my child stupid, especially behind their back. I think I worry that she may speak of my DC this way, and that's why it's bothering me so much? I don't know.

OP posts:
soreenqueen21 · 11/06/2021 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chipsandpeas · 11/06/2021 17:16

i think your being precious

AppleKatie · 11/06/2021 17:17

She doesn’t have a point and yes it’s nasty.

Original poster
YummyButter · 11/06/2021 17:17

@chipsandpeas

i think your being precious
In what sense?
OP posts:
Original poster
YummyButter · 11/06/2021 17:18

@AppleKatie

She doesn’t have a point and yes it’s nasty.
I agree, it just didn't sit right with me. Very strange to put your own children down in front of others.
OP posts:
StopPokingTheRoyalTitDear · 11/06/2021 17:18

SIL is an adult (presumably) not a child so you’re being a bit daft to equate your MIL calling her adult daughter stupid with if she called your actual children stupid.

denverRegina · 11/06/2021 17:18

She's a child?

Cornettoninja · 11/06/2021 17:19

If my child did something stupid I would say the action itself was stupid. If my adult child did something stupid I don’t think I’d be as careful about labelling them tbh.

StopPokingTheRoyalTitDear · 11/06/2021 17:19

Your MIL was in the wrong btw- it’s not her business who your SIL visits with her baby, that’s between her and the uncle she was visiting.

Original poster
YummyButter · 11/06/2021 17:20

@StopPokingTheRoyalTitDear

SIL is an adult (presumably) not a child so you’re being a bit daft to equate your MIL calling her adult daughter stupid with if she called your actual children stupid.
But, they're both her descendants. If she calls one stupid, what's to stop her calling the other stupid? 🤷‍♀️
OP posts:
Original poster
YummyButter · 11/06/2021 17:22

@Cornettoninja

If my child did something stupid I would say the action itself was stupid. If my adult child did something stupid I don’t think I’d be as careful about labelling them tbh.
Her exacts words were "[SIL] is stupid, stupid and careless".
OP posts:
LittleBlackCat22 · 11/06/2021 17:24

Some family’s just have that sort of banter.

My dad called me a fucking bellend the other day for reversing my car into the garden wall Grin

Original poster
YummyButter · 11/06/2021 17:25

@LittleBlackCat22

Some family’s just have that sort of banter.

My dad called me a fucking bellend the other day for reversing my car into the garden wall Grin

Yea fair enough, that is funny and clearly just banter.

The way this was said to me today though didn't seem like banter, it sounded nasty :/

OP posts:
Pinkylemons · 11/06/2021 17:26

She didn’t have a point and she’s a nasty cow.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 11/06/2021 17:29

you are being way too precious and professionally offended on behalf of an adult and her own blood relatives.

get a grip

StopPokingTheRoyalTitDear · 11/06/2021 17:30

SIL is an adult (presumably) not a child so you’re being a bit daft to equate your MIL calling her adult daughter stupid with if she called your actual children stupid.
But, they're both her descendants. If she calls one stupid, what's to stop her calling the other stupid?

Confused yeah I definitely think you’re being a bit daft.

soreenqueen21 · 11/06/2021 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotAnotherPushyMum · 11/06/2021 17:33

You’re being over sensitive. Is it just calling your own children stupid that you object to, or does it apply to all adults?

TidyDancer · 11/06/2021 17:33

Well SIL could well be careless and stupid in general, in which case she would have a point. This really wouldn't bother me.

girlsallowed21 · 11/06/2021 17:34

I don't do it. I'm really careful to make sure there's a distinction when I address between my DS's actions and his personality.
I find it so uncomfortable and wrong when people throw words like stupid, foolish etc at kids.

soreenqueen21 · 11/06/2021 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moonshine11 · 11/06/2021 17:37

She’s an adult though?

Original poster
YummyButter · 11/06/2021 17:37

@NotAnotherPushyMum

You’re being over sensitive. Is it just calling your own children stupid that you object to, or does it apply to all adults?
I think putting people down in general is horrible, but to do it about your own children is just so horrible IMO.

Bit of background, MIL is one of those people that never has anything kind to say about anyone, she will either say something negative, or say nothing at all. If DP or SIL (or myself and BIL) tell her of an achievement of ours, she will say nothing, or point out an issue with it.

It's exhausting, I actually avoid her as much as I can.

OP posts:
Original poster
YummyButter · 11/06/2021 17:38

@Moonshine11

She’s an adult though?
She has a child......so yes.
OP posts:
Chocolateemergency · 11/06/2021 17:40

There is a difference between saying they are doing something stupid and actually calling them stupid. Did she definitely call her stupid?