Is it reasonable for Sil to expect to either visit on a Saturday or Wednesday to see dc. Then complain we are being unreasonable/ difficult to other family members because we did not get back to them in time with a reply (i.e. within a day) so she can no longer do Saturday. Then because its a week day and DH works from home on a wednesday expect to come at lunch time (think lunch is pretty much expected).
There is a massive backstory and I am having real problems with Sil and Mil. Basically we are quite busy at the moment and going through a very bad time. Dc is 3 and a half with a massive language delay and has some difficult behaviour. He is going through a diagnoses for autism at the moment. The whole process is slow and it is keeping me up at night wondering if I am doing the right things and getting the right help. We are still waiting for blood test results with pediatrician, and we have been on the Hanen more than words course. No other help with speech therapy other than that is being offered. My husband is on anti depressants because of this and I am half in a period of denial and almost mourning. I worry about the future. Will he ever make friends? What will happen when DH and I are gone. He is also getting stronger and last night he hit my noise so hard there was blood everywhere and I almost thought he broke it. I always have bruises on me because he will hit you if you tell him not to do something and now has started trying to hit his head to either get attention or because you told him no. I am losing sleep and weight with the worry.
With Sil it’s issues with making demands on our time (i.e. travelling 60 miles when we both can't drive to a clean Mil's rental property over Christmas. She of course was not going to clean anything) or massive boundary issues that is a one way street. She asked to attend dc's first appointment with the pediatrician for his autism diagnoses. In the appointment my medical history was discussed, but my medical history and privacy is not at all respected. But it is like I said a one way street, for example if we asked what happened with her last boyfriend she would be annoyed we even asked because that is private (I would not want to know but it is the principle really) but mine and my dc’s private medical matters deserve no privacy as far as Sil is concerned.
With Mil she has in the past basically insinuated its my parenting before we started on the process of getting the diagnoses. And complained about his behaviour – his running off as he has no sense of danger and his tantrums. As well as pointing out what my dc can't do in front of him (like not responding to being asked what his age is). And when we bring this up it is always turned around to be our fault – well how I am supposed to know you just don't share enough. But as mentioned there is a real problem with respecting privacy and boundaries with my in laws (Mil has in the past told me DH's cousin was in therapy for abandonment issues with her father – I doubt she would want me to know this so I know for a fact your medical privacy is not respected and shared with every family member). Then Mil complains she never sees him. But she visited at Christmas after not seeing him for months and spent the whole time talking to DH and practically ignoring dc. In addition to the complaining about his behaviour and insinuating its my bad parenting (asking if we are talking to him) it's just infuriating. I wish my dc’s language delay and behaviour (that ends up with massive noise bleeds and bruises all over me) was just due to me being a bad parent and not autism.
It is hard enough coping at the moment but with the way some of my in-laws are behaving it is making a difficult situation even harder than it needs to be.
I am tempted to email this thread to MIL and Sil but no doubt somehow they would turn it around to be my fault and them be the victim again! Because it always ends up with it being my fault because we just don’t see them enough and share enough or give into their demands (I could write a long post on just this!).