Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To just get father's day present from our DC?

44 replies

FathersDayToDoOrNot · 11/06/2021 14:24

First father's Day with our joint DC and I have bought a little present from DC to DH along with a card. I specifically didn't choose a 'first father's day' card because obviously it isn't his first but it does say our first Father's Day together.

Usually DSC make him a card but I've never gotten involved in it or bought presents for them to give DH. His ex used to but hasn't for a while.

AIBU not to get other presents for DSC to give DH?

Present from our DC includes a picture of DH and DC so obviously not from all.

OP posts:

stackemhigh · 11/06/2021 14:38

YANHU, not your job to get presents from DSC to him. Don’t take on the wifework.

Does he get a gift for DSC to give to his ex?

InnaBun · 11/06/2021 14:41

Absolutely fine. You've shown tact by not getting a first father's day card. You're buying it for your own DC really as they are too young to do it themselves. SDC's parents can help them.

Justcallmebebes · 11/06/2021 14:43

Depends on the age of your DSC. If he's youngish and his mother doesn't bother then yes I definitely would on his behalf. Why wouldn't you?

Please don't exclude your DSC now you have your own DC, especially giving a picture of just your DC and DH. Can you imagine how that will make your DSC feel?

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/06/2021 14:48

Is he seeing DSC on the day? How old are they?

I think just a gift from your shared child is fine. If DSC are old enough to do drawings if they want to and they’ll no doubt get a reminder from school then it’s up to him. My only minor concern is if they’re with you all day and see you giving him the gift from DC it might be awkward. But if you’ve never done anything with them no reason it should change now.

I used to buy something for DH my DSC chose, then gave them the money if we were in a shop to get it themselves, now they’re older I leave it up to them. Last year they didn’t do anything, not even a card, but it’s got to be up them at this age and they have far more disposable money than I do.

DH and his ex haven’t ever done things with the DC for the parent so I offered once we were living together and supervised/facilitated for years, but things change over time and it’s their choice now.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/06/2021 14:49

@Justcallmebebes

Depends on the age of your DSC. If he's youngish and his mother doesn't bother then yes I definitely would on his behalf. Why wouldn't you?

Please don't exclude your DSC now you have your own DC, especially giving a picture of just your DC and DH. Can you imagine how that will make your DSC feel?

From the OP:

“Usually DSC make him a card but I've never gotten involved in it or bought presents for them to give DH”

Why should she start getting involved now when she hasn’t been before? Are you just making stuff up to have a go at her?

Zari29 · 11/06/2021 14:54

Yanbu. Dont start this, else it will become your issue to deal with every year. In fact, you will now set yourself up for more expectations from him regarding his kids. Completely stay out of this one.

Original poster

FathersDayToDoOrNot · 11/06/2021 14:54

I've posted this twice by mistake, I didn't think the other thread had posted.

The children are older primary and early secondary.

I've no idea why their Mum stopped buying. DH used to buy for her on mother's Day but it just fizzled out on both sides so far as I know I don't know why.

I didn't even think about it really until it came today (the gift). It was handmade and a little expensive so I can't afford to get the same thing from all of them but I could pick up some chocolates or something for them to give DH. I don't know if they are here on the day but even if not, they'll likely pop in at some point. As I say they usually always have a card they have made so I probably won't bother getting one of them as they seem to like making them anyway.

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/06/2021 14:56

Don’t take on extra work just because you’ve had a baby together.

Leave it up to them to do something or not.

Spied · 11/06/2021 14:57

I think I'd buy a box of chocolates for the dc to give their Dad.
I'd be the bigger person.
I'd rather spend a couple of pounds than be the cause of any bad feeling.

Original poster

FathersDayToDoOrNot · 11/06/2021 14:57

@AnneLovesGilbert

Don’t take on extra work just because you’ve had a baby together.

Leave it up to them to do something or not.

Thank you, I hadn't thought of this side, setting up an expectation for every year.

OP posts:

topwings · 11/06/2021 14:58

It depends what ages your DSC are and if they will be with you on the day.

I couldn't give my DH a present from one child (which included a photo of him and just that child) while his other children watched on but were not involved.

If they are too young to organise a present themselves and they will be with you on the day, I think you should have something for them to give him, even if it's only a handmade card that he can ooh and aah over.

Original poster

FathersDayToDoOrNot · 11/06/2021 14:59

I wouldn't be making a show of giving DH the present in front of DSC anyway, if anything it would likely just be the same as he did on mother's day where I just give it him in bed when we wake up.

OP posts:

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 11/06/2021 15:00

@Justcallmebebes

Depends on the age of your DSC. If he's youngish and his mother doesn't bother then yes I definitely would on his behalf. Why wouldn't you?

Please don't exclude your DSC now you have your own DC, especially giving a picture of just your DC and DH. Can you imagine how that will make your DSC feel?

🙄

it would make them feel that their father are allowed to have special time/photo/in-jokes with their half siblings.
which is very healthy

everybodysang · 11/06/2021 15:01

When mine were younger, if they were here for Fathers' Day I'd help them buy a little something for my partner. Sometimes their mum would send them with something (and we made Mothers' Day cards here for their mum when they were with us then so they'd take back a card for her). If they're with you, I'd check if they've got something - they sound like they're of an age where you could give them a fiver and send them to the shop, maybe? Or just pick up some chocolate (and then if they have something for him already, you can eat the chocolate - win win!).

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/06/2021 15:05

@Spied

I think I'd buy a box of chocolates for the dc to give their Dad. I'd be the bigger person. I'd rather spend a couple of pounds than be the cause of any bad feeling.

Why is it suddenly OP’s job? She’s never got involved beforehand. Why should she now?

Mum233 · 11/06/2021 15:07

I usually get something from all children (ours and step child included) but it’s whatever you think. Sometimes a little extra thing from our children x

WettyHainthrop · 11/06/2021 15:07

Why should she start getting involved now when she hasn’t been before? Are you just making stuff up to have a go at her?

What @AnneLovesGilbert said. People will take against you On here OP simply for being a Stepmother.

topwings · 11/06/2021 15:09

I wouldn't be making a show of giving DH the present in front of DSC anyway, if anything it would likely just be the same as he did on mother's day where I just give it him in bed when we wake up

I cross posted with you.

Considering the ages of the DSC and that the present giving isn't going to be a "let's all gather round" moment, I think it's fine to leave them to do what they usually do.

AryaStarkWolf · 11/06/2021 15:27

What age is the SC? If it were me and they were quite young I'd probably ask them if they want to make a card for their dad or something like that? Just because it would be nice for your DH to get something from them (my DH has done the same with my DD/his DSD in the past so for me it'snot a case of only me doing the "wife work")

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/06/2021 15:28

She’s already said they usually make cards off their own backs.

AryaStarkWolf · 11/06/2021 15:33

@AnneLovesGilbert

She’s already said they usually make cards off their own backs.

Apologies, then no I wouldn't do anything else, it's only a token anyway and a home card from your kid is the best present I think

BackforGood · 11/06/2021 15:41

I'm guessing his older dc are older, from the fact you don't want to answer everyone who has asked, combined with the fact they've previously made him cards and the fact that 'his ex used to but hasn't bothered for a few years'.
I which case it isn't down to you to get anything. It is down to the dc.

Original poster

FathersDayToDoOrNot · 11/06/2021 15:42

@BackforGood

I'm guessing his older dc are older, from the fact you don't want to answer everyone who has asked, combined with the fact they've previously made him cards and the fact that 'his ex used to but hasn't bothered for a few years'. I which case it isn't down to you to get anything. It is down to the dc.

I have answered, I answered in my second post.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 11/06/2021 15:45

Apologies !

But it shows the detective work was right
They are old enough to bring something for him themselves when they come over then, so, no, it isn't your job to do so.

Original poster

FathersDayToDoOrNot · 11/06/2021 16:38

@BackforGood

Apologies !

But it shows the detective work was right
They are old enough to bring something for him themselves when they come over then, so, no, it isn't your job to do so.

Good guess

OP posts:

Flip

1 2