Children's parties RSVP

[Fieldsoftripe9]

Sent out party invites to my just turned 4 year olds nursery bubble 4 weeks ago. I didn't give an rsvp deadline. Didn't hear back from 4 of the families... fair enough!

Party is tomorrow. Yesterday I had a text from one of the parents saying yes, they can come. The kid has multiple severe allergies... ok, fair enough.

Been out to buy all the food and party bag crap etc today. Then just now had a text from one of the parents saying her child can attend but can she bring her other child along as too young to be left alone.

Is this normal? I would never leave it so late to rsvp. Am I being unreasonable to be miffed they left it so late?

I'm probably going to have to say no now, I have agreed to other siblings coming as I didn't hear back from them and assumed they weren't comimg so had the extra space (max 30 in the garden)

@esterwin

Normal, but rude. When did people become so rude?

minimum 15 years ago . same thing then. and also I was told no reply meant they are coming...ummm how should I have known?

@fashionablefennel. I don't disagree... I'm just saying that the OP's number issue is likely to resolve itself on the day anyway.

Very common in my experience. Also common for people who didn’t RSVP to then suddenly turn up on the day.

I suck for this, i honestly do find it buried in the bag or the give it to me and i set it down with every intention of relying as soon as i have finished doing what i am doing and forget! I do not however expect my child to still be invited i text and apologise for my slackness and say i fully understand if the invitation no longer stands but they would love to come if its still ok

How old is the younger sibling they're asking to bring along? A baby?
You really should put an rsvp date.

@HaggisTheGreat

Very common in my experience. Also common for people who didn’t RSVP to then suddenly turn up on the day.

Yeah we had this. It’s really annoying.

Rude, but normal. This is why always do soft play parties, so siblings can show up without a problem. So much less faff.

I think it's so rude and inconsiderate; I'd be tempted to say no, sorry, it's too late and I've only bought enough for the numbers that responded.

IME lack of RSVPs is worst with younger children say 3-7, particularly when you are having large parties. When your child gets a bit older (say 7/8+) and start inviting their closer friends only, the children themselves do all the nagging and you don't get this problem. Plus you tend to actually know the parents a bit better so saying "is Jane coming to the party?" in the playground is much easier to slip into conversation (as is them telling you that Susan is coming).

It’s normal unfortunately, this is why I send a chaser to any non repliers at least a week ahead (or before any payment deadlines)

Very difficult with paper invites though, whatsapp or email definitely better if you have all the details

What do you do when the parents don't RSVP and turn up anyway, or turn up with siblings?

Do you say something or make it work?

Very normal. In days of the church hall type parties I always did a few extra party bags. There was usually a sibling or two on the day who we could then invite to stay. (I always over cater on the food anyway.). Not so easy to be flexible with things like soft play where numbers were fixed

Yes rude and inconsiderate. An RSVP by (date) might reduce it, but there are some people who still will probably not reply. Planning ahead including things such as replies I think has become one of the casualties of the digital age. In general there are less consequences for forgetting or only remembering last minute.

Both late responses and bringing another child appear rude to me but the latter seems acceptable by some. If people don't respond you have no idea if they are coming or not, so really difficult re catering.

I read a good suggestion on here. Don't put the venue on the invitation - text the venue on receipt of a reply so those who don't bother replying can't turn up.

I once did a party, prepared specific food for a set of siblings with dietary restrictions, who didn't turn up (after rsvping yes) and never even bothered to contact me apologising or explaining. Kids parties are a ball ache. Going forward I world put on invitations "if rsvp isn't received by x date I shall take it as you are unable to attend and unfortunately no place will be available on the day" or something similar that maybe sounds a bit nicer. Doesn't help with now of course but hopefully it will with future invites. This would be on all my invites not just kids parties. Apparently people struggle to rsvp for weddings etc too 🙄

Depends what type of party. If it's a pay per child book in advance thing (eg go ape) then it's rude. If it's a church hall pass the parcel type thing totally normal.

That said it's rude to RSVP at the last minute if you expect allergies or special requirements to be catered for.

Perhaps you should reply, 'Sorry you haven't had a better offer - but your place has been filled.'
As for the CF with allergies - I hope they're bringing their own rice cakes.

It is rude. Just text back and say 'sorry, all the places are filled now' and press SEND.

It's a common thing to happen but it's rude.

I've had people accept and not turn up or text or anything. Annoying when it's a pay per place in advance party.

One mum brought a younger (uninvited, obviously) sibling to a paid-place party. She left them both for the duration of the party, then on return at the end had the cheek to ask for a party bag (there were none because although I'd paid extra for a place for the sibling to join in, more fool me but she put me on the spot and guilt-tripped me about it, I had only brought the exact number of party bags required for the invited party attendees). The mum was well miffed about no party bag for the uninvited sibling. How cheeky can you get.

It happens quite often unfortunately, definitely rude though.

YANBU. So much easier to get the invite, check the date, reply yes and keep invite or reply no and bin it. Done. But it seems to be the norm that people like to leave it, no wonder they get forgotten till the last minute! Always chase up a week before and get a few extras just in case.

It's rude yes. Luckily you can tell her Covid regulations mean you can't accommodate her.

Hope your child has a lovely party

I actually found the most stressful bit just waiting to see if anyone would turn up since I'd had so few RSVPs. It always so far turned out ok but it would have been so much less stressful to just know. I've also had people say yes then take up a better last minute offer which is annoying.