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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to bring a bottle to a party if I don’t drink?

100 replies

4fingerKitKat · 10/06/2021 18:44

Whenever I went to a party I normally brought a bottle of wine, beers or whatever.

I’ve recently quit drinking and don’t really know what the etiquette is - still bring alcohol? Bring a non alcoholic drink? Bring something else entirely (chocolates, nibbles?).

Help?

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 10/06/2021 19:13

Just take what you'd like to drink.

socalledfriend · 10/06/2021 19:13

I take a drink for myself, and a gift for the host, which might be a bottle of wine or similar.

Thatswatshesaid · 10/06/2021 19:16

@ChampagneJam

Aaaaarrrggghh

It's TAKE people, not bring !

If you aren't at the place you take something with you to that place

This really sets my teeth on edge Grin

I don't drink much so would take a soft drink but as I couldn't tell you the last time I was invited to a party it's not something that ever troubles my mind Grin

I wonder why you don’t get invited? Hmm

I would take chocolates for the host and a bottle of presse.

GameSetMatch · 10/06/2021 19:21

I don’t drink but usually take a bottle of wine or similar, I leave the wine for the host but don’t take my own soft drink so drink theirs.

Chihuahuacat · 10/06/2021 19:24

it would depend on the formality of the party. A few friends coming round to watch a movie or catch up - just take what you’d like to drink and maybe some nibbles.

A proper dinner party / garden party I’d take a gift for the host like a bottle of wine or a nice box of chocolates. Then whatever you’d like to drink if you’re particular on what you’d like to drink and the host might not have it.

Iluvfriends · 10/06/2021 19:27

I dont drink, i always take juice for myself and extra for anyone else to use as mixers etc.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 10/06/2021 19:30

soft drinks & a bottle of wine for host

or ask host if they have a preference, depending on party we often take a banoffee pie and some cupckes/popcorn/crisps.

SunscreenCentral · 10/06/2021 19:31

Not drinking at the moment. I'd definitely bring wine for the host if they normally drink wine, and I'd bring some AF beer or lemonade for myself. And maybe a bottle of Perrier or San pellegrino.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 10/06/2021 19:31

@ChampagneJam

Aaaaarrrggghh

It's TAKE people, not bring !

If you aren't at the place you take something with you to that place

This really sets my teeth on edge Grin

I don't drink much so would take a soft drink but as I couldn't tell you the last time I was invited to a party it's not something that ever troubles my mind Grin

It's take if you are not staying there. It's bring if you are remaining there.

I take my son to the school gates every day.
I bring my lunch to work and eat at my desk.

user1493494961 · 10/06/2021 19:34

I don't drink but always take a bottle of wine, it's a gift for the host.

whatausername · 10/06/2021 19:36

@ChampagneJam

Aaaaarrrggghh

It's TAKE people, not bring !

If you aren't at the place you take something with you to that place

This really sets my teeth on edge Grin

I don't drink much so would take a soft drink but as I couldn't tell you the last time I was invited to a party it's not something that ever troubles my mind Grin

:-O So I can never "bring" something?!

Does someone bring me home or take me home? Bring if they live there and are picking me up, but take if they are dropping me off on their way back to theirs?

Do I say, "Abe asked me to bring Tess to him" or "Abe asked me to take Tess to him"?

I have so many questions!

FierceBarrie · 10/06/2021 19:37

It’s really no big deal, OP.

Just take a bottle of kombucha, or whatever non-alcoholic drink you feel like drinking, plus something for the host.

FierceBarrie · 10/06/2021 19:39

@ChampagneJam

Aaaaarrrggghh

It's TAKE people, not bring !

If you aren't at the place you take something with you to that place

This really sets my teeth on edge Grin

I don't drink much so would take a soft drink but as I couldn't tell you the last time I was invited to a party it's not something that ever troubles my mind Grin

I have just said ‘take’ in my own post, but you bring something with you.

Understanding a little more why you’re never invited to parties. Wink

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 10/06/2021 19:40

@FierceBarrie
grrr miaow🤣

Ponoka7 · 10/06/2021 19:41

Unless you are a recovering alcoholic, you still take wine etc and something for yourself.

It depends on the party if chocolates are appropriate. Definitely not flowers.

panel · 10/06/2021 19:43

Take wine for the host as a gift. If you don't trust yourself with a wine bottle (e.g. former alcoholic), then take nibbles and flowers. If your host doesn't know that you've stopped drinking then take something non-alcoholic for yourself as well but otherwise assume you will be provided for.

ChampagneJam · 10/06/2021 19:44

I don't know who taught you @GeorgiaGirl52 but that really isn't how to use the words

You both take your son to school and your lunch to work. How long you stay at the place has got nothing to do with which is the correct word. That is is strange notion Smile

@whatausername you need a much better linguist than me to explain it fully, I'm sure there are explanations on line, it's to do with the where the things/people you are talking about are at the time you're talking about them. I'm not saying it's straightforward or easy to explain but in this specific example you take something with you to the party but the host who is at the party location would ask you to bring a bottle with you

Just a very simple example Smile

ChristmasFluff · 10/06/2021 19:46

I'm big on hosting parties, and I would much prefer people who didn't drink to bring soft drinks. How many bottles of wine as 'gifts' do these hosts need?

I have plenty of alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks, and when people bring extra wine it all gets put out to be drunk too - but there's always so much left! When what I really want the next day when I have a banging head is a nice Fevertree tonic!

So I love it when people bring nice soft drinks, or nibbles, or cake or something. It seems so much more htoughtful than another fecking bottle of wine.

purplecorkheart · 10/06/2021 19:47

Bring whatever you like and feel comfortable with bring. Non alcoholic drink, flowers, chocolate, nibbles. Your invited because of you, not what your gift.

Jennyfromtheculdesac · 10/06/2021 19:49

Definitely not flowers

Why not?

DirectionsForUse · 10/06/2021 19:50

Surely I take my lunch to work, if I am at home when I say it and I bring my lunch to work if I am talking about it in the office?

FierceBarrie · 10/06/2021 19:50

you need a much better linguist than me to explain it fully, I'm sure there are explanations on line, it's to do with the where the things/people you are talking about are at the time you're talking about them. I'm not saying it's straightforward or easy to explain but in this specific example you take something with you to the party but the host who is at the party location would ask you to bring a bottle with you

If you need a linguist to explain the rule, then surely you can understand why some people might slip up, and maybe just let it slide?

It’s really not that big a deal within the context of an informal discussion, and is doing nothing but derailing the OP’s thread

ChampagneJam · 10/06/2021 19:51

I didn't say I wasn't invited to parties @FierceBarrie , I said I hadn't been to one for a long time

Not the same thing at all Smile

BackforGood · 10/06/2021 19:54

Does depend on the party.

Some parties are very much a gathering where people take along what they are going to drink.
Others are more formal.

I'd be Hmm if someone turned up at my house for a BBQ or for drinks, with a candle. Confused

However, if someone were going to the trouble of cooking a dinner for me then I might take along some nice flowers, but if it were a house party or Christmas drinks or something, it would be just odd if 20 people all turned up with bunches of flowers.

ChampagneJam · 10/06/2021 19:56

@DirectionsForUse

Surely I take my lunch to work, if I am at home when I say it and I bring my lunch to work if I am talking about it in the office?
No, I'd happily discus it further but I wouldn't want to make Barrie and more Fierce that she/he already is so maybe a conversation for another day Grin