To ask my friend not to come?

[justusplease]

Hoping I'm worrying in advance....

Boyfriend and I have decided to take a weekend together to a theme park with all our kids. It's our first 'holiday' together. His mum lives nearby too so we'll even have the chance to have a dinner just the two of us while the kids visit her (yes...she offered and yes my kids do know her). We won't stay in the same room (for those wondering) - we've got a room for me and my kids and a room for him and his son.

I have a strong feeling my closest friend will ask to come too. Or just book herself a hotel room and be there. It's one of her favourite places and we've taken the kids together pre-COVID and had planned to do the same over the holidays. She doesn't have a partner.

For obvious reasons (I.e, it being our first trip together), I really don't want that. She's a very big personality too and a bit exhausting if you aren't used to her. The whole dynamic would change.

How do I navigate this? What do I do if she asks? I don't want to hurt her feelings!

If she asks there you say no, you’re just going with your partner. Maybe you can plan to go with her another day

Just don't tell her!

I was close with a friend like her years ago so understand where you're coming from. Just be honest that it's you and your partner heading away but you can do something together another time.

Do you have to tell her before hand?

She'll only know if you tell her you're going, so tell her after the event.

That said if she's your closest friend I'd hope to be able to be honest with her but if in doubt then trust your instinct.

“Sorry, I don’t think it’d work this time as it’s our first trip away together and we have plans with his family but it’d be lovely to go with you another time”
Can you be vague with her about the dates so she can’t just book it.

I would just drop into conversation that you are excited to have your first break away together and it will be nice to spend some time as a new family....if she doesn't get that then just tell her bluntly!

Don’t tell her you’re going?

don't tell her

what do you mean by "what if she asks"?
what would she ask?
to go with you? say no, it's family only
what your weekend plans are? say not sure

why do you feel you need to pre-empt this situation or owe her an explanation?
worrying about her booking a room to integrate herself into your holiday is extreme - but you can aways lie about where you are going. if she follows you to fake location, unwanted, that's on her.

your relationship doesn't sound healthy or equally reciprocal.

Why do you need to tell her?

Echoing others, why do you have to tell her? If she asks use s o me.of the suggestions above & if she keeps pushing keep saying no.

Also agree.with @ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba that the friendship sounds weird

As others have said, don’t tell her.

Don't tell her you're going/where you're going. IT's not hard.

Don’t tell her!
If you already have/ if she asks....tell her no.

Don't tell her, don't post pictures or check in on social media.

Does she already know you're going?

If not, don't tell her. If it would be very odd for you to go away for the weekend without her knowing, tell her you're going away, but you don't know where as the location is a surprise. You shouldn't have to but if she really has no boundaries it might be your only option.

Does this mean you are no longer going to honour your previous agreement to go this summer?

Don't tell her and say your dp surprised you with this?

Tell her afterwards, say it was on the spur of the moment.

Say it's a trip to see his family. It is. Don't mention the theme park.

Don't tell her in advance. Then if she asks, say you decided on the day/it was a trip to see his family/whatever.

That's much kinder to her than uninviting her if she invites herself...

In this case i'd be the friend as i'm the single one with the kids, but i wouldn't dream of just 'tagging' along to a family trip. I'd fully respect that my friend would want time with her family. I can completely see how dynamics are changed. And it isn't always that fun to be the 'tag along single family.' Are you sure she'd invite herself? When friends of mine do go on trips i go if i've been invited. I'll add that i don't think i have an exhausting personality though

Don’t tell her about it until after the event

Thanks all. Not telling her is definitely not an option. She lives a couple of doors down and we see each other daily (by choice - she's like my second sister).

We usually get together for a jog at the weekends too so there's definitely no chance of sneaking off.