To ask my friend not to come?

[justusplease]

Hoping I'm worrying in advance....

Boyfriend and I have decided to take a weekend together to a theme park with all our kids. It's our first 'holiday' together. His mum lives nearby too so we'll even have the chance to have a dinner just the two of us while the kids visit her (yes...she offered and yes my kids do know her). We won't stay in the same room (for those wondering) - we've got a room for me and my kids and a room for him and his son.

I have a strong feeling my closest friend will ask to come too. Or just book herself a hotel room and be there. It's one of her favourite places and we've taken the kids together pre-COVID and had planned to do the same over the holidays. She doesn't have a partner.

For obvious reasons (I.e, it being our first trip together), I really don't want that. She's a very big personality too and a bit exhausting if you aren't used to her. The whole dynamic would change.

How do I navigate this? What do I do if she asks? I don't want to hurt her feelings!

@justusplease

Thanks all. Not telling her is definitely not an option. She lives a couple of doors down and we see each other daily (by choice - she's like my second sister).

We usually get together for a jog at the weekends too so there's definitely no chance of sneaking off.

Okay. So you're going to see his mum. When you come back you can talk abbot how you spent both days at the theme park.

If you really can't get away with not telling her, lay it on thick about looking forward to your first trip away just the two of you.

Could you frame it as her granting you a favour? Ie rather than tell her not to come, say you'd love to go with just family and you were worried about her feelings but would lover her blessing?

Rather than feel rejected, it gives her some sense of control and space to be gracious and then you can thank her for being so understanding?

Frame is as you're mainly visiting BFs DM.

And that as part of that visit you're going to the theme park.

Then just tell her that you are going away on a surprise weekend with your dp and kids and you will tell her all about it when you come back. Perhaps it is time to introduce healthy boundaries.

Agreed with saying it's to visit bfs mum. Or could still not tell her and wait until a day or two before and say you decided to go that weekend. So less time for her to try and decide to go etc

Be direct with her - "It's our first holiday together so I want it to be just the two of us" - surely, as your closest friend, she'll understand that.

I would just tell her it's a family weekend, visiting his mum and going to the theme park. If she says anything, say you will plan something with her soon.

@HollowTalk

I would just tell her it's a family weekend, visiting his mum and going to the theme park. If she says anything, say you will plan something with her soon.

Perfect.

your relationship sounds suffocating to me.

I'd tell her last minute that bf has booked a surprise trip away, you don't have to say where or pretend you don't know. Then when you come back you can tell her all the details.