Leaving London - is there a promised land?

[ilkleymoorbartat]

With the mass exodus from London at the moment, aibu to ask whether there is some promised land that people go when they have kids (whatever the location).

Ie, are those of us in London missing out on a life that is lovely and idyllic which if you're in the London bubble it's impossible to imagine?

Do we have Stockholm syndrome basically?!

@MargaretFraggle

I live in a leafy county. Lovely, but a bit boring. I don't completely understand why Londoners with enough money to enjoy it would leave, especially if they have a garden. Pluses for me would be subsidised public transport, huge parks, theatres and free museums. Where I live it can cost £5 to travel a few miles on a bus, which will be late, not turn up, or drive past you!

Because they can afford to have a home that’s an appropriate size for their family and a garden. And live somewhere that it’s safer for their children to walk around.

I do love London but can’t afford to live there at a way I’d want to.

I can totally understand not being able to afford to live in London how you want to - it's one reason I never moved there. I would visit friends and spend a tenner just walking down the street! I do know Londoners with enough money for a nice lifestyle who wanted a larger garden etc, who have moved here and been a bit shocked at the mundanity though. No cafe culture, lack of a lovely high street to wander to (unless you are in an expensive market town). Expensive, not brilliant museums. Rural living can be boring and heavily car based, but village life is what a lot seem to wish for. Well, according to MN

I think it depends on what you’re looking for lifestyle wise and your stage of life. We live in a large city and took the decision to buy “the worst house on the best street” - we compromised on space because we loved the (very expensive) area and the amenities it had. We’ve now had a baby and our priorities have changed - the house is too small and unsuitable for a child. This might lead us to move, but the local schools are excellent so we might just have to suck it up.

I think Londoners also have lower demands when it comes to 'appropriate homes'.

We live in a small 2BR flat with no garden on a council estate, I'm sure a lot of MNers would turn their noses up at it (no bath! no garden! no storage!) but for us it's completely fine. It's cozy and has a lot of character, and the neighbourhood is amazing.

Like a lot of city people (I'm originally from NYC) I would rather have a smaller home in a great area than a big home somewhere boring (to me) where I'd have to drive everywhere.

@WelcometoJam

Of note….all four houses that went up for sale on our road in last 12 mths sold in less than a fortnight. All bought by Londoners moving from flats to houses with under 5’s. Like we did 10 years ago. So no change there then. Everyone I know that has left in my experience are not Londoners - went back home. Of the four new families that have arrived on our road only one couple are English. The other three: Italian/Canadian/Hong kong Chinese - This is why we and people like us couldn’t live anywhere else.

Of course you could live somewhere else. You could live plenty of places if needs be, as I’m sure your new HK expatriate neighbours will be able to elucidate for you, if you ask.

It really does make London and real Londoners look ridiculous when this chirruping about not being able to survive elsewhere gets bandied about.

Millions of people nationally, cannot afford to buy houses or flats anywhere near their home towns and that includes very many Londoners, of all ethnicities.

London is crowded, noisy, busy, ancient, difficult to get into, difficult to get out of, huge and sprawling, mostly unplanned, expensive, dangerous, unpredictable, aggressive, dirty and as diverse as Babel.

Having said that, I feel I ought to balance the list by giving some sort of downside - but there isn't one.

Here's an unabashed celebration of my hometown...

vimeo.com/255057733

I haven't RTWT (cardinal sin, I know), but everyone's 'promised land' will be different. I used to live in London in my 20s - had a ball and loved it and couldn't imagine living anywhere else - but now, in my 40s, I'm very happy that we moved to Herts. It was DH's idea actually, but we have the best of all worlds where we live. Our small city has good amenities, other ones nearby have things our home city doesn't, and we're a short train ride from London. When we first moved out I missed London a lot, but I can honestly say that, 10 years on, I don't miss it at all. I haven't been into central London in over a year and it doesn't bother me a bit. We're not near our families here - we're commuting distance to DH's job - but our quality if life is good and our house and garden are around twice the size the same money could buy in London.

@WelcometoJam ‘people like us couldn’t live anywhere else’ ? How small minded... I say this as a brown person who came here for uni.
Somewhat counterintuitively a place being cultural melting pot doesn’t mean anything. When I went to uni in London loads of people got away with clumping with their own nationality. In fact when I graduated and started work there was still a large number of people who only knew people of other nationalities through work. Outside of work they only spent time with people from their own country.
Meanwhile in my Northern city there isn’t this cliquishness. And my boyfriend’s family (all from a rural village) have been extremely welcoming. I’ve never felt out of place.
Not living in a cosmopolitan city doesn’t make people close minded. And as an aside so much contempt from foreigners for places that have ‘too many British families’...why come to the U.K in the first place if you have no care for its people or culture at all?!?

Cotswolds, the fens, Cornwall are where everyone I know seems to be moving to.

I think it's the promise of less people, more open space etc.

Personally, I'm staying put as I don't think WFH will last forever and I'm happy in my little suburb.

[quote WalkingOnTheCracks]London is crowded, noisy, busy, ancient, difficult to get into, difficult to get out of, huge and sprawling, mostly unplanned, expensive, dangerous, unpredictable, aggressive, dirty and as diverse as Babel.

Having said that, I feel I ought to balance the list by giving some sort of downside - but there isn't one.

Here's an unabashed celebration of my hometown...

vimeo.com/255057733[/quote]
Love the video so much!

@Liverbird77 A lot of people do live in Trafford for the grammar schools. I know a couple of people with teenagers at Parrs Wood, they seem happy, I need to ask them more about their experiences.

I also love how friendly it is here.

@treetimes

I can see why you wouldn't move. Friends who have moved didn't want to, they couldn't get a bigger house and garden in the same area within their budget. You get more space out into Chesire. I don't have the budget for a bigger house here unfortunately, a bigger garden would mean a smaller house.

I imagine the equivalent area in London would be incredibly expensive?

After ten years in NYC, I returned to London and spent eight years there. Left in 2016 and have been living on an island with my 2 DDs ever since. We walk on the beach after school (it has sixteen kids), they go to the shop on their own. We go back to London for the Summers and some holiday as DH still lives and works there. We’ve found our promised land. It’s safe, clean, peaceful and there’s a real sense of community ❤️

Derbyshire! Best of both city and country life!

Londoners, moving to the country, ousting the locals from where they want to be and now can't afford it. There's no freedom for us, thanks.

I LOVED London when I lived there and was very sad to leave. I love my life in the countryside now (particularly my big garden which I could never have afforded in the Big Smoke). To be honest I can’t imagine living there with kids again and I do find it crowded and busy. I like being in a close community and knowing all my neighbours. But London will always have a special place in my heart and the culture, food and historical sites are unparalleled in the UK. I’m from Manchester and I’d be even less inclined to move there to be honest. There are less green spaces and it’s just as busy in the middle bit. Having said that, I do think you can make a great life for your kids wherever you are - it’s a question of taking advantage of the opportunities in that location. Whether that is surfing on the coast, cycling in the countryside or visiting epic museums and galleries.

there will definitely be a cheaper alternative 😉

Edinburgh is a fantastic place to live, mild summers and never too rainy but the winters could be difficult to get used to. It's bitterly cold and icy from the start of December to the start of February. The winters are the only part I dislike, it feels safer than other cities too and great for families.

We live in London and didn’t think I would ever move. We have recently been looking to move and was only looking around our area.
Then we started looking further a field and we have settled on moving to a completely different location. Have checked schools out etc, still easy for me to work and the house
Has triple the bedrooms, and acres of land for less than I paid for my 3 bed terraced house.

It's lovely out in the suburbs but it's sad that people moving out of London are contributing to house prices going up. I don't blame them at all but I do feel sad for my friend. She saved up for her dream detached house near her mum and now can only afford a terraced house in a crap area.

I went to Spain. Much better for DD, but I still miss London after more than 4 years here.

We raised our three children in Herefordshire, where you would certainly get a great house for your money in comparison with London. Our children had the freedom to play outside, walk every day on the Malvern Hills, had pets and grew up with relative freedom. It's a beautiful county and I don't regret it, but life has different stages and we change. The downsides include village life (cliques are everywhere and it takes a while to learn how to navigate them as an outsider), a lack of coffee shops, cinemas, clubs, etc. on your doorstep and you therefore have to spend half of your day in your car. As the children get older, you'll become a taxi service and once they've decided they need to escape altogether, life can suddenly seem a little quiet. My husband and I dreamt of moving to the coast once the children left (2 are now in London) but are now looking at moving back to a busy town so that we can enjoy all the benefits of a bustling environment. If you leave London it's very possible your children will end up back there but doubtful you'll be able to afford to follow. How about Bath? It's expensive but a great small city, with good links to London and surrounded by beautiful countryside.

So I'm the opposite. I've spent years watching all my friends and acquaintances move out of London one by one.

We've stayed and lasted out house prices rocketing. We live in a modest period house in a suburb, small garden, small rooms. It's not the prettiest, but nor is it urban hell to be fair. Decent schools, low crime.

I desperately wanted to move to the country at times. However, we've now started to discover how many layers of interest there are in and around London. Everything changes so often you could never get bored. New trends hit here first, then filter outwards. I love the way that stuff is so lovely here - coffee shops do GREAT coffee, supermarkets are huge, selling a vast range of goods. It's so convenient. If I want enormous tiger prawns I head off to the local Asian supermarket, if I need something from IKEA I just drive there. I'm in reach of anything imaginable within 30.mins.

Plys the people are endlessly changing. The flipsude of people moving out is people moving in. Endless opportunities to make new friends, start new activities.

For someone like me who loves novelty it's heaven.

Then there are my kids. Having got through primary school and almost finished secondary, they are energised for life. Their friends are all super ambitious and motivated to do well. They have endless opportunities to grow and have new experiences. Neither of them drink or do drugs, which I put down to the ethnic diversity here which has thankfully diluted the toxic teenage culture that white communities can fall victim to.

At the weekends we can go to countless different parks or commons. In terms of accessibility green space, London has loads more than when we lived in picturesque countryside which was all locked off as farmland.

I'm now happier than ever that we stayed, although there were a few rough years when the kids were small.

I think you did the right thing staying put Anon. We love London and my one son is always trying to get us to move there but we'd have to downsize considerably and not sure we could afford the life we'd really want moving forward (we're in our mid 50's). We will probably move closer however.

Don't go to Edinburgh... Im from there... Super boring!

I live in London, grew up in Scotland.... London is amazing for kids to gore up in, hense why I'm still here. Once they reach age 10 or 11, then I may think about heading back north for a different life, bigger house, stable home, etc etc.... But London has loads more for kids.

Harpenden, Hertfordshire. Best schools in the country, beautiful countryside and 30 mins by train to Central London.