To ask what time I should put my kids to bed.

[BedTimeDilema]

Just that really.
We have DC aged 15,12,12,10,7
All have to be awake at 6.30 for the school day.
What is a reasonable time for them to go to bed?

paralysedbyinertia they also need to be well rested for school - it really shows in behaviour, attitude and ability to concentrate when teenagers are not getting enough sleep on an ongoing basis. They can self regulate at weekends and holidays, and they can be given the opportunity to self regulate during the week - but if they're persistently choosing to go to bed at midnight (and then use their phone in their bedrooms til 3am on the basis they need 3+ years to practice self regulating phone and social media use before adulthood too) and functioning on 3 hours sleep per 24 long term, then their school work and ultimately leaving exam grades will be impacted, which has a knock on effect for opportunities after school age.

Some teens self regulate well - the ones putting themselves to bed with enough time to get 8+ hours sleep generally! Others run in a permanent sleep deficit during the week - and sleeping in at weekends doesn't compensate properly for very limited sleep Sunday to Thursday - certainly any benefit of the weekend lie in is exhausted by Thursday and Friday!

Many people develop bad sleep hygiene habits in their teens which stay with them life long or at least until they force themselves to change - which is hard to do.

As adults we additionally have a certain degree of control over our routine and can choose a career to suit us - one allowing later starts if staying up til the early hours is important to/ natural to us. Some adults have a day starting at 5am and long term cannot sustain never going going to bed before 11:30pm any more than teens. Other adults go at midnight and its fine because they don't have to be up until 8am. Teens rarely have the luxury of structuring their term time days around their preferences, so self regulating doesn't always work as well and can be easier for adults.

Teens have to learn to be independent amd self reliant but within boundaries and if a 15 year old who has to be up at 6am for school is "self regulating" an 11:30pm bedtime (especially with their phone by their bed) then its crappy parenting to accept that on an ongoing basis for school nights.

Thanks for the lecture, @UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme. Call it crappy parenting if you like, but as my dd is predicted straight 9s in her GCSEs and wins trophies for her outstanding attitude to learning, I'm not too concerned about the impact of her learning to self regulate. Does she get 8 hours sleep every night? No, she doesn't. Does she sometimes stay up later than she should? Yes, she does. Does she understand that staying up too late at night is likely to impact on her energy levels the next day? Yes, she does. Does she generally ensure that she gets enough rest to be able to function effectively and achieve her goals? Yes, she does. Does she feel that she is respected and treated as a responsible person who is trusted to make sensible decisions? Yes, she does. So far, I'm very happy with the outcomes from my "crappy parenting", so while you may feel it necessary to put your almost adult children to bed at a fixed time, I'll just carry on as I am thanks.

@Cocopogo

Wow so late?

My 12 yo goes to bed at 8pm, my 16 yo at 9:30

My 10 year old has been in bed at 8pm maybe 5 times in her life. She’d have to be ill.

She doesn’t have to get up till 7:45am and is fine with a 9:30pm bedtime, asleep by 10:15-10:30pm.

@Cocopogo

Wow so late?

My 12 yo goes to bed at 8pm, my 16 yo at 9:30

8pm is very early for a 12 year old to go to bed. I'd say most 12 year olds go to bed later than that.

[quote WeWantAMackerelNotASprat]@paralysedbyinertia my 15 yr old still asks me to turn her light off and kiss her goodnight! I always say that she can read for longer etc but she likes me to kiss and 'put her to bed'

This is usually around 10 unless she asks for a different time. I get into bed around 1015 so if she wants to read later she has to do it herself!

I now need to turn my light off 🤣😴[/quote]
My 15 year old comes to my bed for a hug goodnight and often turns my light out if I'm tired and ready to sleep.

19 year old, not our problem.

14 year old, whenever he decides o'clock. He's in his room most of the evening anyway.

Me (49), asleep in the chair by 8pm.

My 11 year old goes to bed at 9pm, my 8 year old 8.30. I wake them up at 7am