Collecting funds for deceased Neighbour [Edited by MNHQ at OP'S request]

[Pinky1952]

AIBU to be reluctant to contribute to a collection for someone's child. I live with my hubby in an apartment block consisting of 66 private flats. The ages vary but most are older people with no children. There are one or two younger people but single. One young man aged 29 has been found dead in his flat which is very sad. Apparently he has a young son who doesn't live with him. We didn't know the young man. There have been many people passing in the flats but there have never been any collections before. Now on Saturday one of the residents committee members is coming round all the flats for a donation to go towards his child. I know a lot of people like to donate to charity and that's their choice but previous experience with my hubby and I make us reluctant to donate to anything. I feel uncomfortable about answering the door only to refuse. What are your thoughts?

Tbh I'd ask them to send me a link to the fundraising and then ignore it if i didn't want to donate. I don't give in the street or at the door.

I always remember a serious tragedy which befell a family at my Father's work. It was a multiple tragedy involving several children and the company owner take it upon himself to personally visit every employee at home to fundraise. Employees were put in a terrible situation and many were donating up to a week's salary.
Why not give a small token amount like a fiver rather than nothing. I personally wouldn't like the idea of the visit being made to me.

* but previous experience with my hubby and I make us reluctant to donate to anything.*

What do you mean?

Eh, I would probably just give a tenner or something, is there an expected amount?

I don’t understand what the problem is?

Your title is misleading!

If you don't want to give something then don't. It's not compulsory, I wouldn't ignore the door, the person may just think 'oh number XX was out, I will get them after' - just answer the door and say no.

I wouldn't open the door. You don't have to donate if you don't want to; nor do you owe anyone an explanation as to why you don't wish to. If you bump into the person collecting while you're coming/going and they put you on the spot, just say no, you don't give donations.

Never give money if you don't want to. No reasons or excuses necessary. It really is that simple.

“Contributing to a death” makes it sound like you killed him...

Your title suggested something different entirely!!

Up to you if you donate or not.

@Shoppingwithmother

“Contributing to a death” makes it sound like you killed him...

Indeed. Did you?!

Goodness, your title sounds like you were partly responsible for causing someone’s death! Very misleading.

You can just say no, we only donate to charities rather than individuals, so will make a donation to x charity in memory of the deceased - cancer research, heart foundation etc depending on how he sadly died. It’s a perfectly reasonable stance to take.

Just say no!

At the same time, stop saying hubby.

I thought this was going to be a legal question about cause of death!

So don’t donate. You don’t have to.

@Sometimesfraught82

* but previous experience with my hubby and I make us reluctant to donate to anything.*

What do you mean?

I don't think op needs to explain why she's reluctant to donate to charity.

@Pinky1952 I'd either not answer the door, or if you do answer just say you are not in a position to donate.

I understand where you are coming from. This man was a stranger to you. You dont know his family so why should you feel obliged to donate. For all anyone knows his mother could be well off, have lots of financial support from family, whatever . Unless the child has been left orphaned I don't see why his father's stranger neighbours should feel the need to have a collection. I donate to chosen charities each year and I never feel guilty for not donating to anything else, regardless of who is collecting.

@Shoppingwithmother

“Contributing to a death” makes it sound like you killed him...

I totally thought this was going to be about causing someone to die too

What was the previous experience?

I thought this was going to be about Boris Johnson.

@Orf1abc Mr Johnson has killed thousands by his actions and inactions.

I think the response to ask if you could donate online seems an appropriate one.

Just say no. I wouldn’t give under these circumstances. You have no idea what the money will be spent on. They could just have a big party.

I understand your reluctance. Not only did you not know the person in question, but if people are handing over lots of cash to strangers on the doorstep, there is a chance the supposed recipients may not actually receive it

You can say no to any collections that are being made, and don't feel guilty about anything. You don't know all the circumstances surrounding this sad situation of the persons death.or his family circumstances. It would be different if you personally knew the person who has died, or any of his family.

Don't open the door or say you forgot to get cash if it's a problem for you

If you contributed to his death, you should be making rather a large contribution.

Thought this was going to be a legal question.