To feel uncomfortable at work?

[callmemaybee]

I work in a building which requires authorised access and speaking to security guards to sign in/out.

There’s a security guard whom makes me feel uncomfortable. He constantly talks about my appearance, what he thinks my ethnicity apparently is, what I’m wearing, how he hasn’t seen me in a while, how “fit” he thinks I am. I can’t stress enough that his attention is unwanted - he’s old enough to be my grandad as I’m early 20s.

I feel creeped out, especially if I’m by myself. With colleagues, he keeps it professional and the signing in/out exchange is essentially done in 30 seconds. If I’m by myself, he’ll incessantly speak to me for over 10 minutes before allowing me to sign in/out.

I’m scared to broach the subject with my manager as we don’t have the best relationship. She’s worked with the man in question for decades so will likely side with him regardless.

YANBU to not want frequent unwelcome attention about your appearance. Can you speak to HR instead of your manager?

The fit comment alone deserves reporting to HR.
He knows he's making you uncomfortable, they always do. Report the creep.

HR

The fact that he only makes such comments when you're alone and not when you're with colleagues speaks volumes.

If you have an HR dept, speak to them - if not, go directly to the building management.

In the short term, as a coping strategy, wear headphones and grey rock to the max. Don't let him take up ten minutes of your time with his creepiness.

Also - and I appreciate this is easier said than done - I'm a big fan of the blank / Paddington Bear hard stare.

When Creepo says something creepy, don't reply, or smile - just very slowly make very deliberate eye contact, in silence. Wait until he looks away.

Most people find this DEEPLY uncomfortable and will give up after being on the receiving end of a few goes.

Write down everything you can recollect about what this man has said to you. From tomorrow start keeping a diary of dates, times, and exactly what was said. Also note down times that you were with colleagues and these conversations did not happen.

When you have built up a cache of evidence over a few weeks, take it to HR or your manager. It's blatant sexual harassment and discrimination on the grounds of race/ethnicity.

I would be tempted to audio record a few of these conversations because I strongly suspect the man in question will deny everything, will suggest that you've embellished things, or accuse you of being over-emotional and not being able to take a 'compliment'. Audio recordings will give you irrefutable evidence.

PP is right, he knows he's making you uncomfortable which is why he's doing it more.

What happens if you address the time aspect with him? Have you tried to say ‘got to go, I’ll be late’? Not that you should have to, I know.

I had a customer do this to me at work. Every time he came in it was comments about my appearance and hair. And how lovely he thought I was. Bloke gave me the creeps. Also old enough to be my grandfather.

He made comments to me one day when I was off shift and shopping with my son. Started to blank him from then on. Took him a week or 2 before he stopped. He avoids me now!

I'd definitely go to HR on this one OP.

I would suggest hr. similar happened to me at a supermarket. I was really struggling one day and in a lot of pain. It was a hot day and I had a short skirt on. As I tend to dress over the top to cover the fact I'm in pain.
But instead of offering help, he followed me out with his fag, looked me up and down for ages, as well as this he wasn't wearing a mask and started coughing. I'm still wondering whether to complain even though it was weeks ago. Still makes me shudder!!!!!!

The comments could be just friendly chit chat but the ‘fit’ comment is completely unacceptable and I’d definitely speak to your boss about it.
You need to have something to say ready like can I have the book now as I am running late and don’t let it get into a conversation.

he’ll incessantly speak to me for over 10 minutes before allowing me to sign in/out.

Grow some balls; 1. Report him to HR. 2. Cut off any inappropriate comments by standing up for yourself and calling him out on it. 3. Do not allow him to "incessantly speak" to you for over 10 minutes.

He is taking the piss, creepy slimeball.

Ugh. I cannot abide dirty old men who make personal, sexual remarks towards young women. Every workplace I’ve ever been in has had one of these horrible creeps.

Report to HR.

REcord it.
You're ethnicity?????
It's so sneaky when people do this only when you are alone.
B***d

Email HR. Explain why you don’t feel you can speak to your manager. You should not made to feel uncomfortable. What a creepy fucker.

Speak with someone from HR.
You need to get the situation resolved before you end up working late one day, or being the only one in the office on weekend.

Thank you all very much, brilliant advice

Since posting I have grown some balls () and will definitely run in and out and keep any conversation to a bare minimum. Unfortunately HR is set up where everything has to go through a line manager first and HR only deal with more serious enquiries. It’s a government office so lots of bureaucracy

The ethnicity thing is weird, I’m white British (and look it) but he’s got it in his head that I’m the same ethnicity as him (south Asian). So he keeps asking me what countries my parents and grandparents are from, where I was born, am I sure I’m not from X country etc. I could pass for Y or Z. It’s very, very annoying.

It’s like, I’m a grown adult, yes I’m sure I know what my ethnicity is

Given what your line manager's like, I think you need to put it in writing. She can't brush it off. Head it "Complaint against Security Guard - Name" and say what you've said here.

It's wrong on so many counts and if she can't see that and deal with it, then you need to go higher.

I had something similar but unfortunately the old pervert was married to the HR director so not much recourse…some men are just wankers and think that we all want them. I am bloody happily married thank you man old enough to be my dad.

YANBU at all. The has made me really mad. Who the hell does he think he is? Report it to HR.

I work for the government too. Report it to HR if you have to, but give it a week or so where you don't pander to him. Don't chat, don't smile, tell him you need to go straight through and you're in a hurry. You might not need to go to HR then.

I had this at work whilst in my 20s. He was always chatting and making comments. He was about thirty years older than me. I just put him down as a dirty old man, but one day he got me alone and made a pass at me. He lurched at me and tried to kiss me. It was awful. Definitely report this.

I think he knows yours ethnicity, but uses this to extend time. I would simply say next time, "can I sign the form?" and reach for it. Cut the 'pleasantries' as they are all about him being a creep. It's better if you do not chat back as if you go to HR now he could say that you two always chat and you always enjoyed it.

He does sound like a creep who fancies you and as the PP said could be using your ethnicity as an excuse to keep you talking.
But it’s odd he’s so adamant you’re the same ethnicity as him and he’s so invested in that and wondering where you were born etc - i know it’s a leap but there’s no way that he thinks you could be his daughter/granddaughter is there?

@toocold54 that made me laugh haha

There’s no possibility we’re related