To hate myself so much for oversharing when drunk?

[Broodylou16]

For some reason, when I drink around people I don't normally socialise with (neighbours for example, whom we may socialise with once a year), I have a tendency to drastically overshare once I've had a few wines. I'll talk about any amount of shit from relationships to the struggles i have with motherhood and drag the mood down, in particular with one neighbour who I seem to have a strange need to feel validated by (no idea why).

I dont have many close friends who I share things with and I tend to keep any issues between me and DH to myself normally.

Why am I only doing this with certain people? How can I stop the intense feelings of shame and embarrassment over this?

@omgthepain

One solution Stop drinking!

100%

@MRex that's true, I certainly can't change it now. The part that's actually upsetting me somewhat is that we have just bought our dream home, very close to our current one (walking distance, so will still see same neighbours about!) and neighbours were full of congrats and delighted for us etc. and now I feel like it's all bloody tainted because of the silly personal historical stuff I shared regarding my relationship. They're probably thinking we are the most dysfunctional people on the block when in actual fact myself and DH are in a very good place now and finally reaching some of the goals we have been working so hard and stressing over for such a long time. Then I go and ruin it.
I always end up feeling very undeserving of things in general, even when I have worked for them, so this recent overshare is absolutely magnifying that for me right now!

@Broodylou16 - the booze itself is giving you at least half of that anxious feeling. How about this, pretend for a moment that it didn't happen and was just a dream. Ok now? Good. Then just keep pretending it didn't happen.

I’ve done this and people have done it to me. It happens. So what. I also rarely drink so my tolerance is low which makes it worse when I have more than three drinks. I’ve learnt to accept I’m not ‘match fit’ with alcohol so I don’t go over three in the company of others other than DH.

Don’t worry about it OP. It’s really not life changing.

DH came home earlier and said that the neighbour in question blanked him when he said hello (which would be a bit unusual as we are always cordial), he couldn't understand why but he didn't really think much of it. Making me feel extra bad now, though I would think it odd that she'd adopt anything I said as her own business or judge us. He has done some shitty things by anyone's standards but much of it has been resolved between us.
Why oh why did I overshare.

@OhSayWhat what about in the company of your DH? Is he OK with the sudden outpouring of past issues? I am almost the opposite where I feel no need to do it in front of my DH but with those I am not as familiar with it tends to happen more.

@Broodylou16

DH came home earlier and said that the neighbour in question blanked him when he said hello (which would be a bit unusual as we are always cordial), he couldn't understand why but he didn't really think much of it. Making me feel extra bad now, though I would think it odd that she'd adopt anything I said as her own business or judge us. He has done some shitty things by anyone's standards but much of it has been resolved between us. Why oh why did I overshare.

That's what happens when you tell random people your issues. You can't be surprised surely?

Do this test

alcoholchange.org.uk/alcohol-facts/interactive-tools/check-your-drinking

I'm sorry but if your drinking is negatively affecting your relationships it really is time to reduce or cut it out completely.

It really doesn't matter how much you drink compared to others. If it's making you feel bad and having negative consequences for you, it's too much for YOU.

Most women find their tolerance for alcohol reduces as they get older.

I get really bad beer fear. I've decided over lockdown that I will only drink when in the company of certain people and just have one and drive the rest of the time. Ive never once drank with my husbands friends wives and ot felt awful for days so I'm not going to drink with them again

@ZaraW I am not at all surprised, it fits perfectly with my cycle of self sabotage in life in general. It's the guilt of the things I revealed which I never should have and I am fully aware it was highly inappropriate. It's been years since I've done anything like this but now this has happened. I know I can't change it, and I can tell that there are consequences and it's going to hang over me for a while.