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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell employers I'm pregnant before promotion

40 replies

lboogy · 09/06/2021 12:36

I'm 18 weeks pregnant and have been working at my company for 5 years. I was due a promotion last year but it never happened due to change of manager.

I've got a new manager who is working on my promotion but I've not told him I'm pregnant as I'm worried it will impact my promotion.

Per the company rules and legal rules I don't have to tell them until I'm 15 weeks away from the date I want to start mat leave.

My dad thinks it's not fair to keep the information from my manager particularly if I'm not going to be at work to fulfil the role while on mat leave.

My view is i'm following the law and don't see why I should face the potential of a promotion being withdrawn again

What do you guys think? Morally should I tell my boss?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 09/06/2021 12:37

I think you're fine not to tell. If you choose to and it affects your promotion, you'd have a case for discrimination.
Congratulations on the pregnancy.

stackemhigh · 09/06/2021 12:37

YANBU, absolutely don't tell them. Your dad needs to wind his neck in.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 09/06/2021 12:37

Morally would they still give you the promotion you deserve if they find out you're pregnant?

If the answer to that is no or not confident that's it's a yes then keep quiet.

CanIBeACurlyGirl · 09/06/2021 12:38

No, you don't need to tell them yet. Congratulations on your pregnancy and the promotion.

stackemhigh · 09/06/2021 12:38

Morally would they still give you the promotion you deserve if they find out you're pregnant?

How on earth is supposed to know what they would 'morally' do?

FireworksAndSparklers · 09/06/2021 12:39

If they didn't give you the promotion because of pregnancy, they're breaking the law. I wouldn't bother telling them - it has no bearing at all on whether or not they give you the job legally or professionally. It's an irrelevance.

DeathByWalkies · 09/06/2021 12:41

YANBU

AprilAzpilicueta · 09/06/2021 12:42

I got a promotion whilst pregnant and didn't tell my manager until 22 weeks (although she did work in a different office). I made sure I worked hard and did a great job and gave an excellent handover before mat leave so they wouldn't think they'd made a mistake.

Librariesmakeshhhhappen · 09/06/2021 12:42

So your dad is one of those who thinks women should be held back at work if they have a kid. I think it's fair to say that his opinion is worth absolutely fuck all in this situation.

You've worked there for 5 years. You're committed. You've earned the promotion. You'll be there to get the role started and prepare a handover. You'll be gone for a few months, then you'll be back and you'll work for them for many many years by the sounds of it (as you dont say you're planning to resign).

You deserve the promotion. Taking some time off to have a baby is nothing to do with it. But we all know that sometimes it does play a part in losing a position, so dont tell them until after.

cindarellasbelly · 09/06/2021 12:42

Presumably the promotion is to a roll you'll be coming back to after mat leave? The only time I've agreed it made sense to tell/pull out is a friend who found out she was pregnant just before she was offered a role to project manage a very fixed term project. Basically she would have left at a really awkward time in project planning and not been there to deliver, and I agreed with her that it was the kind of thing that could alienate the employers, even if it was legally 'acceptable' (and in her case, would have meant missing out on mat leave from her employer)

In the case of a company you've worked for for years and plan to go back to, I wouldn't mention it yet, but I do generally think giving as much notice as possible to recruit mat leave cover is ideal.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 09/06/2021 12:44

@stackemhigh

Morally would they still give you the promotion you deserve if they find out you're pregnant?

How on earth is supposed to know what they would 'morally' do?

OP has asked if morally she should share the information.

I am asking if she thinks they will take the moral decision of continuing the promotion or if they would pull back from it if they know about the pregnancy.

If she thinks they are likely to withdraw the promotion then she should keep her news quiet until after the promotion decision has been made.

ChangePart1 · 09/06/2021 12:44

Tricky one. I'm not sure whether there's a universal 'moral' answer, everyone's morals and ethics are different, and businesses would get rid of you without a second thought if they needed to.

If you don't want to tell them, don't. You are legally entitled to do that. So YANBU.

I'll get flamed for this, so I'll say in advance this is how I feel if I were in this situation, not what I think other should necessarily do...

Personally? I would tell them. I wouldn't want them to make decisions about who'd be doing what role in the coming year without them knowing that I'd actually be absent for a year. I would only want the promotion based on them wanting me despite the pregnancy. And I wouldn't want to take the job over someone who'd actually be there to do it.

I also think it could harm your reputation at the company in the long term if you take it and then tell them later you're so far gone, even though you have the legal right not to tell them I think it would seem a bit dishonest and make things difficult for them.

NavigatingAdolescence · 09/06/2021 12:44

Per the company rules and legal rules I don't have to tell them until I'm 15 weeks away from the date I want to start mat leave.

It’s 15 weeks before your expected date of confinement (delivery), not when you want to start your leave.

I’m interested to know what your dad did in the same situation. Oh, hang on…..

Aprilx · 09/06/2021 12:46

I have known plenty of people get promotion whilst pregnant, do you seriously have reason to believe that your promotion would be blocked in this scenario? If so, well a matter for another day would be finding a new employer.

Many employers actually try to be good employers and I think some would actually relish having an example of their family friendly workplace practices.

It is very disappointing that your dad, or anyone, thinks it is not right to keep this information from an employer. I am sure they would not consider it wrong for a man to keep quiet about his partners pregnancy in the run up to promotion - well we have laws in place to ensure that you are in the exact same position as anyone else. So whilst I don’t think you should have to keep quiet, I also don’t agree that you have a moral obligation to say anything, any more than a man should have to.

DysmalRadius · 09/06/2021 12:49

When I'm hiring, I'd rather not know. I wasn't too make a decision on the candidate's merits and it's harder to do when you have information like this about them that you don't need to know. The only way to avoid discrimination from both sides is not to say anything.

DysmalRadius · 09/06/2021 12:49

*want to make a decision

Goostacean · 09/06/2021 12:51

Obviously don’t tell them. You have no idea how the pregnancy will play out, how the promotion will play out, how long you’ll take off work (some women get bored and go back sooner, or quit to become SAHPs).... Why gamble on their “morality”? Just carry on doing your best, and then see.

musthavebeenlove · 09/06/2021 12:56

Your dad doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Ofcourse you shouldn’t tell them.
So many women face pregnancy discrimination, it’s just not worth the risk.
It shouldn’t matter if you’re pregnant or not if they want to promote you so only think about your own interests. That’s what companies mostly do as well.

Original poster
lboogy · 09/06/2021 12:58

Thanks everybody.

I did eventually get through to my dad on pregnancy discrimination etc - he's not a complete dinosaur lol

I will keep the pregnancy to myself until I have to tell them. Deep down I don't think it will impact my promotion but you never know for sure.

OP posts:
Original poster
lboogy · 09/06/2021 12:59

Oh and I do intend to return to work. I can't afford not to go back, all the more reason for needing the promotion and th extra money!

OP posts:
BlueDucky · 09/06/2021 12:59

Don't tell them. I'd also wait a couple of weeks after you've got the promotion to tell them so it doesn't seem like it's linked in your mind in any way.

notacooldad · 09/06/2021 13:03

So your dad is one of those who thinks women should be held back at work if they have a kid. I think it's fair to say that his opinion is worth absolutely fuck all in this situation.
My mum would think the same and still believes that men should be paid more because a family need ' a man's wage' I'm over this battle, its groundhog day!
Op i would keep quiet about it. Tell them what they need to know when you need to tell them!

shouldistop · 09/06/2021 13:05

Funny that your dad has that opinion when something like this has ever and would never affect him.

Yanbu op, don't tell them. Why would you look out for your employers more than yourself and your family?

WindyWindsor · 09/06/2021 13:07

I love how your dad thinks it's not fair. What's not fair is women being held back in careers because they're pregnant which absolutely does happen. I personally wouldn't tell them OP. It's not by law allowed to have any effect on your promotion anyway so why even give them the opportunity to be biased.

hellywelly3 · 09/06/2021 13:09

Tell them because your pregnancy rights don’t come into effect until you notify them. You could just casually say “ Obviously I’m guessing this won’t prejudice my promotion” just as a little reminder that they can’t prejudice against you.

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