To think eating nicely is worth persisting with

[Lollipopbubblegum]

DS (10) has difficulty with fine motor skills and co ordination. He finds cutlery tricky and often has food on/around his lips. So all in all eating nicely is trickier than for most. However when he slows down he can manage very well. The main thing being taking smaller fork/spoonfuls and getting it actually in his mouth.

Despite reminding him constantly he never seems to remember.

With everything I try to not dent his confidence or shame him but find myself repeatedly reminding him. I try back off when he having a treat etc but otherwise I am reminding him.

I feel like it will be worth it long term so he can enjoy eating with others/restaurants etc.

Is this something you would prioritise? I'm wondering if I am making an error as it must be annoying for him.

Proper table manners are very important. I would persist.

I am a bastard for manners, however I would never make someone feel uncomfortable because of their inability

I would certainly keep doing what you're doing. Good luck!

It sounds like you are getting frustrated having to remind him continuously.

Don’t give up. Table manners are important.

I have a 12yo ds and he isn't great with cutlery either but I persist. I put napkins out at each meal too, and keep reinforcing the message. It'll stick eventually, I hope

Because your child has difficulty would this, I would persevere. As an adult, he won't want to be seen as a messy eater.

I'd persist too, but kindly.
It is really important.

Yanbu. Non-negotiable in this house. I think it's particularly important if it's something he has difficulty with.

Definitely continue. As other have said they are important.

Maybe telling him when he's managing well and lots of compliments might be easier on both of you.

If it's making meal times unpleasant, maybe back off a bit. I'd rather upset the "table manners police" than bring on an eating disorder!

I say that as someone with a similar 9 Yr old and as someone who was brought up with an endless list of table dos and don'ts . It was very important to my family. We never went anywhere so I'm not sure quite why!

You can find all sorts of exercises online to help improve fine motor skills. I have two with hypermobility and this is a real issue with them. Playdough disco was brilliant for the younger one and the older one finds cross stitching very helpful.

That way you're improving skills without the nagging :)

Is he receiving OT input for the motor skills? Lots of other work can be done to improve these skills that will aid with feeding without being directly linked. My son is similar but his difficulties with motor planning mean he cannot plan the activity of eating in terms of skills required so is effectively having to learn it every time. Whilst it’s important to find ways to improve these skills where possible, like you I’d be cautious around how frequently to avoid any complex around eating. A difficulty with learning / developing motor skills is very different to learning generalised table manners and shouldn’t be treated as such < I know you didn’t say poor manners I’m just using a phrase others might >

Personally, no, I wouldn't and I dont. My son is almost 9 and is exactly the same, but I let him eat with his hands and make a mess because I really feel like this isn't something he will do forever and he will get it eventually. Also, I have a just turned 2 year old who is amazing with cutlery and very rarely makes a mess, so I feel like constantly drawing attention to him being a messy eater would be a bit degrading and highlight the fact that his sister can do something that he can't.

In terms of fine motor skills, I have other areas that we're constantly having to work on that I feel are much more vital (toilet issues and teeth brushing etc), so I focus on those and let the eating slide. If it was eating in isolation then I'd probably be more bothered, but it isn't, and I dont want to constantly be picking at him for everything!

I think my frustration is because I thought persistent but kind would work but it hasn't - not yet anyway. I'm never cross about it or with him, it's more i feel sorry for him that I remind him often. It's balancing protecting his self esteem now and thinking long term - as it is in many areas. But yes as some of you point out, I certainly don't want to make food an issue.

(Has done occupational therapy and physio exercises over the years)

Ordinary cutlery can have slim handles and if stainless steel, it's slippery to hold for someone with poor hand praxis.

Get him some Kuracare caring cutlery. The effect was absolutely amazing in our house.

The child size may be a bit small,
www.nrshealthcare.co.uk/eating-drinking-aids/cutlery-aids/kura-care-childrens-cutlery-set-2

Adult size www.nrshealthcare.co.uk/eating-drinking-aids/cutlery-aids/kura-care-adult-cutlery-set

Check prices online as all items for disability can vary a huge amount when sold by different sites.

If he's under an NHS OT, you MAY be able to get a set from them, do ask. they should recommend aids like that for him.

Ds1 found that caring cutlery made the job much harder for him. Chunky plastic handled bistro cutlery made it much less of a battle.

This sort of thing www.marksandspencer.com/16-piece-tribeca-cutlery-set/p/hbp60428960

Keep going (in a gentle way), he will thank you for it in later life.

They have easy grip cutlery available on Amazon, op. Perhaps that would help the little chap.

We had different cutlery when he was younger but he would definitely not want to use different cutlery at friend's or eating out. I appreciate the suggestions though. I know for some children that would be the answer.

I think my frustration is because I thought persistent but kind would work but it hasn't - not yet anyway

It's so hard when it's a physio and neuro problem together, I just usually go for anything that might help not just strengthen but to teach correct hand positioning for the task.

Sometimes hand-strengthening things like theraputty or squeezy balls, sometimes co-ordination exercises, sometimes adding easygrip tubing, whatever will work for the problem.

My step daughter eats like a savage. She has no special needs and is plenty old enough to know better. I can’t bear it.

My sister in law eats like an actual pig, there is food spraying everywhere out of her open chewing mouth and she is 40 so I don’t think it gets better without someone pushing the importance of eating nicely.

Have a look at therapeutic putty, doing the exercises with that might help with fine motor skills.

The tubs come with an explanatory leaflet, but I'm sure there will be extra info on YT as well.

I used it after an accident, to help get my hand working properly again, and it really helped me to get those delicate precision movements back.

It’s important, especially if he goes to a good uni or gets a good job etc where first impressions are important.

Keep doing what you’re doing; praise him lots when he eats nicely, rather than saying “no” and “don’t” a lot, but it is good to do, and you’ll know you tried.

My two BILs (very intelligent men with good jobs) can barely hold their cutlery and it just looks so sloppy.