To want children close together?

[TH22]

I currently have a 10 week old. Blessed in that she has been a pretty easy baby so far. Has her moments don't get me wrong, but have been pleasantly surprised at how it's been so far. However, fully aware that it could change at any point and she turns into a nightmare.

I've always wanted my children close together. Can't specifically pinpoint the reason; it's just what I imagined. However, (my) age is definitely playing a part in my thinking. I would like to try for number 2 in the new year. I know that it may not be that simple and could take months (if not years) to fall pregnant again. However, if I fall pregnant relatively soon after trying, I could potentially have an 18 month old and a newborn...

My husband is younger and therefor thinks we should wait a few years. He doesn't see any rush.

Am I mad? For those who have kids close together, is it horrific? If so, did you forget about the pain when they got older and appreciate the closeness in age, or forever regret doing it so soon?

I would love to hear the good, the bad and the ugly!

Mine are 11 months apart, both planned, and it’s amazing. A lot of other people we know got to the stage of no sleepless nights, no nappies and then had to go back to it. We just did the whole lot straight through, much easier. They play together a lot, which is really helpful.

I have a just under 2 year age gap. The first few years were a slog OMG. Sometimes I look back and shudder but as PP says it was less of a shock than people who go back into the baby years after getting out of them for a couple of years. Now they’re in primary school and very close.
Personally I have enjoyed the smaller gap but yeah having an newborn and a toddler was bloody hard. And my second child was a textbook easy baby.

It's so much easier and will stay easier.

The larger the gap, the more painful to go back into the baby things, the more difficult it is to pass on everything, and entertaining them as they have different interests.

I have 9 children, and my favourite gaps are the closest ones. I have 16 months between my 2nd and 3rd, just under a year between my 4th and 5th and then 16 months again between 6th and 7th oh and 19 months between 7th and 8th.

As I said, I love close gaps, you’re still in baby mode, thankfully I always had good pregnancies and births so was easy in that respect, and the next baby just sort of slots in and you carry on.

It’s nice when they’re younger because they’ve got someone close in age to play with, obv they’re not going to always get on though but more likely to be interested in similar things/ activities.

Good luck when you do ttc x

I have a 2 year 4 month age gap which is pretty normal and not that close but even that is hard work. 2 year old tantrums and a baby is a lot to deal with. Also sleep is still unpredictable, we are knackered. Unless you have a specific reason why you think it might take a while to fall pregnant then I would leave it longer, maybe 3 years

I have a nearly 3 year age gap between DC1 and 2 and didn’t like that gap. DC1 just started hitting the constant ‘play with me, play with me’ phase as DC2 turned 3 months and started to get past the sleeping all day stage. That made it harder juggling the two of them. Admittedly DC2 was born at the start of lockdown, so there were no toddler groups, family visits or nursery to distract DC1.

I’m 5 months pregnant with DC3 and will have an 18 month gap this time. I know it’ll be a hard slog for the first 12–18 months but then it was the first time round. And at least this time I’m still not completely out of baby mode and used to nappy change and occasional broken sleep so it shouldn’t be such a shock.

18 months between our two and like another poster has said, we didn't have a break between nappies and sleepless nights so when DD2 came home it was easy to slip into the normal routine

Mine are 2.5 years apart. I'd have liked them closer, I think 2 years is the ideal balance between hard work now vs differing interests later

16 months between my two. It is much easier having them both at the same stage, they are more likely to play together, and any outing or day trip will be suitable for both. It must be difficult to amuse an older child at a toddler play area, or keep a toddler quiet during an older child’s film at the cinema.
You get the nappies, toilet training, teething and tantrums all out of the way in one fell swoop, instead of having to go backwards and suffer it all again when you’d just finished with it first time round.
I did find it exhausting, but that was because DH died while they were still babies and I had to earn a living, care for both babies and cope with grief. Had he survived, it would have been a lot easier and happier.

I reckon just over two years (like 2,3) is a LOT easier than just under (1,9) at the start, and not much different later on. So ideally I'd aim for just over two years.

I don't think you're being unreasonable & I have roughly the same plan... (Still waiting for DC1 to arrive, two weeks to go!)

But even before we got pregnant, I decided that - all going well & I'm in good shape physically & mentally - I'll start trying again when DC is about 6-9months for a few reasons; my age, closer together in age (both DH & I have large age gaps with siblings), and also we got pregnant first time round with this one & although it would be brilliant to have that happen again, if it takes longer then I don't want to delay getting started...

I'm aware it may not be a picnic with two very young DCs but that doesn't last forever.

I had mine a year apart. It was brilliant.
Change one nappy and same to change two. Bath them together. I had two high chairs on the go.
Now they are older. Same age for groups (activities)
Toys are age appropriate and when I read a bedtime story they like the same ones. Similar friends
Clothes - once eldest grows out of them the younger one fits straight into them.

I had my second baby when my first was 20 months old and my third baby when my second was 2.5. So I had three aged 4 and under at one point.

All were planned and actually would have been closer together if it didn't take a bit of time to get pregnant! Having 2 under 2 was hard though and way harder than having my third after a gap of 2.5 years. I wouldn't change anything though and if I was younger and had more money I would probably have had another.

Just plebe prepared for it to be hard work, lower your expectations about a lot of things (how much time you'll have to yourself, how tidy your house will be...) and it will be fine.

Mine are 6 years apart and that's bloody close enough.

Seriously, second baby was tough and the only thing that got me through it was having an older child who didn't need me as much as a baby/toddler would.

I think just over 2 years is far easier - thats the age gap between my younger DDs and its piss easy. Dd2 was potty trained and night weaned already, old enough to understand so no jealousy or anything like that. Its still not a big gap at all. My friend and my stepsister both have 18 / 23 month gaps respectively and both really struggled - one them still is tbh and her youngest is nearly 8 months now. That may be nothing to do with the age gap though - maybe I'm just lucky with my easy babies! But I really feel 2 years is the perfect gap

Sorry to hear of your loss babdoc

Mine are two and five months. I'm still in the fog but it's getting a little easier. I think as pp said just over two years might have been easier. I feel for me, it's like two babies. Older did not understand, is in nappies, cot, was jealous, was not talking etc.

Now she's potty training, in a bed, chattering like a monkey and I suppose has no pre baby memories.

January and February were brutal. But DH was lambing and lockdown and snow....so it was everything against me.

To be honest I still sometimes think shit there are two of you. So I am certainly still in the fog stage!

Has anyone got a 3.5-4 year age gap between siblings? What’s that like?
(Could potentially be mine) is it too large a gap?

I had 19 months between DS1 and DD and then 28 months between DD and DS2

The pros for me were

• still in little child mode
• I wanted to stay home with them before starting school so I was home with one I might as well be home with more!
• they have always been into similar things and activities so easy to do days out that appeal to all of them.
• pass stuff down and it’s still relevant/ not had to be stored
• all at the same school for majority of it
• bedtimes has always been around the same time, when they were little they all went in the bath together or one after the other

Cons

• harder to find cars that fit the 3 car seats
• need a double buggy
• childcare so expensive for more than 1 it does limit your choice
• hard to split attention eg at park when they all need help

There is 18m between mine.. honestly if I'd hit the terrible 2s before having my second he'd be an only child 😂.. but honestly I love it, it's challenging at times but it's always going to be challenging no matter what age gap you have, just different challenges. Being pregnant with the second was the hardest part I think but it's worth every second.

If anything I'd of had them slightly closer.. but they're both ivf babies so I'm so unbelievably lucky to have them both!

The first year is very busy but the school years are really good. Particularly school holidays as days out are easy and holidays are lovely too.

I originally wanted a small gap but when I had my first he was such a pfb I wanted to give him as much attention and time to be “the baby” as possible. I’ve seen friends with small gaps where the older one kind of loses out on their babyhood when the new sibling comes along. I had a 2.5 year gap which was great as the older one was potty trained, in a bed, not using a highchair and old enough to go on a buggy board so we didn’t need to buy anything new for the baby. He could speak really well which made everything a lot easier. They are still close enough in age that they will be able to play together really well. I think 2-3 years is the ideal gap to balance being easier for you but still close enough to have things in common. Under 2 is so much work and over 3 and the gap is more of an issue.

I have 364 days between ds1 and ds2 and then 8 years between ds2 and ds3. Both age gaps were hard for different reasons but I do feel iv enjoyed ds3 more as the first 3 years with 1and2 were a complete blur!!

My DD is 9 months old and we've just started TTC number 2. Time isn't on my side as I'm 40, but I think I would have wanted them close together regardless. I like the idea of DD never knowing life without a sibling.

I have a 13 month gap, they’re now tweenagers.
It was brilliant, the first two years were hard, both in nappies, both having different naps, both needing total attention re food, bedtime, playing etc.
But since the youngest turned 2 they’ve been a dream. Best friends, do everything together, like the same things. Have separate mates and classes and bedrooms but otherwise- pretty much like twins.
It seems so much easier than our sisters/ friends/ cousins who have 2-7 year gaps. They seem to just turn a corner with sleep, independence, talkings etc & then they start again.
Do it!!