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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I shouldn't need to apologise over this joke?

49 replies

678d · 06/06/2021 20:08

In my houseshare, there is a running joke about someone always leaving a mess in the kitchen but nobody admitting to it. Every single person denies it's them but obviously it is one of us. It's only one person making a mess.

Yesterday when it was just me and this other person at home they made a mess and left it and I joked afterwards to them that I had finally found the culprit. I was laughing when saying this and obviously joking. I don't really care about the mess or who makes it, it's kinda frustrating but not a big deal. However, they went ballistic at me.

They started shouting saying how they had to leave the mess as they had an important call to take and it wasn't even their mess completely as housemates had also made a mess before and left x, y and z on the kitchen all whilst swearing and ranting. I just said "I was just joking, it's fine, it's ok, it's no big deal, etc" they then went and called all of our housemates to get proof that certain things left on the side in the kitchen weren't them.

That was yesterday and today they are still bringing it up and completely angry over it. They won't talk to me. Door slamming, ranting about it. Saying I'm making them out to be a liar and accusing them of something they didn't do, etc. I keep saying I was joking.

WIBU and AIBU? I regret saying it but at the same time I think this response is completely over-the-top.

OP posts:
Lavender201 · 06/06/2021 20:10

Sounds like it is always them then.

No don’t apologise, just ignore them til they get over it. They’ve shown themselves to be a nob from their reaction.

Immunetypegoblin · 06/06/2021 20:11

You weren't BU. Continue to explain that you were joking. Act bemused, which I'm sure you are! They are massively overreacting, which shows you've hit a nerve.

LucindaJane · 06/06/2021 20:11

Their reaction was OTT.

Hellocatshome · 06/06/2021 20:11

Sounds like you found your culprit

Oneandanotherone · 06/06/2021 20:11

They’ve been caught and they don’t like it.

SnarkyBag · 06/06/2021 20:11

Sounds like maybe you have found the actual culprit!

woodhill · 06/06/2021 20:12

They should apologise for making such a mess and deflection of the issue

FeckTheMagicDragon · 06/06/2021 20:13

I agree, it looks like you found the culprit. What do your other housemates think?

DeathStare · 06/06/2021 20:17

How do you know it's only one person if you don't know who it is? The idea that several people are leaving bits of mess at different times so nobody actually thinks they've made THE mess sounds likely. The reaction was very immature though. Is your housemate rather young?

vampirethriller · 06/06/2021 20:17

It's them.

678d · 06/06/2021 20:17

I changed some details as I didn't want your initial thoughts and perceptions affected but it isn't a house share, it's my family home and it isn't a housemate, it's one of my parents who I live with.

OP posts:
Jennyfromtheculdesac · 06/06/2021 20:18

They sound completely unhinged.

Hellocatshome · 06/06/2021 20:19

Well thats why they are pissed off, you are living with your parents and criticising them. If you dont like it move out its their house.

Propagandalf · 06/06/2021 20:23

@vampirethriller

It's them.
Pronouns and all that.
HeddaGarbled · 06/06/2021 20:25

It’s not a very funny ‘joke’ though. It’s passive aggressive to disguise criticism as ‘jokes’.

TimeForTeaAndG · 06/06/2021 20:26

OP said it was one of the parents. No pronoun available so vampirethriller was correct to say "them".

Oneandanotherone · 06/06/2021 20:27

I’m going to wild guess that it’s your father.

Foodroofandfamily · 06/06/2021 20:33

Me thinks that person doth protest too much.. totally them

partyatthepalace · 06/06/2021 20:37

It is totally OTT. Probably it is them or partly them?

Continue to act bewildered. Don’t apologise. If the sulking goes on beyond a few days add in some mild irritation.

DeciduousPerennial · 06/06/2021 20:48

Rumbled.

678d · 06/06/2021 21:03

@Hellocatshome

Well thats why they are pissed off, you are living with your parents and criticising them. If you dont like it move out its their house.
My parents are happy to have me living there. I wasn't criticising them, it's a long-running family joke about the phantom mess that apparently just appears that everyone denies making. I used a tone that was really obvious it was meant as a joke. The parent that I so-called criticised is the one who is always complaining about the mess in the first place so I thought it was funny they did what they are always complaining about. It was said very tongue in cheek.
OP posts:
678d · 06/06/2021 21:05

I actually don't think it is this parent who makes the mess (I think it's my sister), it's just they are the ones who complain about it the most so I found it funny and bemusing to see them be a little bit of a hypocrite.

I just went "ooh, we have our culprit!" and laughed and they got really angry, I was a little scared by the reaction to be honest.

OP posts:
678d · 06/06/2021 21:08

To be honest, the issue isn't really the mess or me living with my parents or anything but rather was I rude or was their reaction completely OTT? I genuinely don't know whether I need to apologise or brazen it out.

This parent can be quite difficult, I have written about them before on Mumsnet under another username on the Relationships board and people suspected they may have NPD.

Also yes I'm using they/them just because I'm trying not to be too revealing.

OP posts:
Mamette · 06/06/2021 21:09

Time to get your own place I think.

5foot5 · 06/06/2021 21:10

It’s not a very funny ‘joke’ though. It’s passive aggressive to disguise criticism as ‘jokes’.

Yes this was my thought too. Be honest OP, is this "joke" something that everyone joins in with or is it mainly you. Perhaps you have pushed it too far, they have got utterly fed up of you harping on with this "joke" and hence the explosion

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