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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder how ppl do it...afford it all?

449 replies

wishywashyy · 05/06/2021 11:22

How do ppl (I mean the average joe!) afford everything? I know, I know situations are different BUT in general
Mortgage
Car payments (usually 2!)
Childcare
Savings
And general living

It doesn't add up
Mortgage/council tax on average would be what? 700-800?
Car payments x2 600?
Childcare (let's just say one lot) approx 1000
That's 1400 alone at least!
Saving? I suppose that's depending
General living? Another 800-1k
So That's 2k
Then there's other bills which would be 500ish
That's 2.5k in total

That's a take home of about 40k! Gone! And no savings!

I'm baffled and freaked out at the thoughts!!!

OP posts:
marktayloruk · 06/06/2021 21:42

As someone with neither kids, mortgage nor car, I would surmise - with difficulty!

Supergirl1958 · 06/06/2021 21:48

@wishywashyy

How do ppl (I mean the average joe!) afford everything? I know, I know situations are different BUT in general Mortgage Car payments (usually 2!) Childcare Savings And general living

It doesn't add up
Mortgage/council tax on average would be what? 700-800?
Car payments x2 600?
Childcare (let's just say one lot) approx 1000
That's 1400 alone at least!
Saving? I suppose that's depending
General living? Another 800-1k
So That's 2k
Then there's other bills which would be 500ish
That's 2.5k in total

That's a take home of about 40k! Gone! And no savings!

I'm baffled and freaked out at the thoughts!!!

It more than adds up. Our mortgage is only £600, car payments are £400, one lot of childcare £400. I save £400 a month, when you add up bills and general living it’s approx £800. I bring in 2.3k a month and my partner £2.1k so we aren’t living beyond our means and we still manage to save! If you cut the cloth accordingly it can be done!
DeeleysMum · 06/06/2021 21:53

To put it in perpesctive, when my daughter was born 13 years ago next week, I was on mat leave and my hubby got put on a 3 day week due to the recession. Our household income was 11k or less for the three of us. We managed. We had just the one car, a weekly food budget of £40 or less, no days out, no date nights, no frills, but the bonus was we were on a tracker mortgage so had very low re payments. My hubby knew where ever penny went down to the last. Now we're in a better position but we still don't have all the frills as we're both self employed so know that could end any second, as the last year has proved. Everyones circumstances are different, and some manage better than others even if they are in the same situation. Don't believe all you might see or read, esp on social media, I think even those that say they don't, struggle. x

MrsJBaptiste · 06/06/2021 21:54

@namechange30455 Probably around that to be honest.

We don't buy a lot of clothes (and they're all Primark, H&M, Tesco, etc.) but do like going out and the kids like a takeaway! However our other outgoings are very low which leaves more 'spending' money. We also don't have expensive cars or holidays abroad which some people would prefer to a night in town or in the local bars.

Each to their own but I do get we are very lucky in the we can go out when we want and can afford it at the moment.

HopeValley · 06/06/2021 22:01

@Dnaltocs

When possible, Charity shop clothes, no regular visit to coffee shops, lidl and Aldi shopping. All this means we are now mortgage free. Still had school fees but few holidays. Always second hand cars. The best feeling was when we cleared the mortgage. It’s the old saying you can’t have your cake and eat it.
If you were able to afford school fees, is the reason you're mortgage free really that you forwent take-away coffees? School fees are well, well beyond the reach of the majority. It's a bit like when millennials are advised they could afford a house if only they gave up avocados...
MirandaMarple · 06/06/2021 22:03

Car payments - we have two (one 4 years old and the other 13 year old) we own them outright. Able to upgrade the newest one every 3/4 years with re-sale price and savings. Not everyone is paying lease prices.

Rapunzel91 · 06/06/2021 22:07

My partner has a high income but we dont have loads of cash as a) he is divorce and paying £1000 a mth to ex. B) spent too much on past I.e. the car.

Mortgage £1050 a month, council tax about £250

I car £550 a month which will be paid off in a couple months

Childcare £900 a month

Other joint bills about £1000 including food

Then we have separate bills. Really looking forward to paying off the car this year as that will massively help. We also spend any spare cash and bonuses on our house that constantly needs work.

stayathomer · 06/06/2021 23:14

You could argue that getting to live in a great place your whole life just because you lucked into being born there would be even more unfair.
In Ireland and I can only afford to live an hour and a half away from my mother and brother. I see people getting council houses close by to them and I'm so jealous and I think 'why do they get to live there?' (Not proud of it but I do) so swings and roundabouts, life isn't fair sometimes

Earthling1994 · 06/06/2021 23:18

I work part time and pay £150 a month to our childminder for 3.5 days of childcare a week.
1 car which costs £100 finance, £35 insurance and about £50 fuel each month.
Rent is £575 for a 2 bed house and council tax is £98 a month.
Food shopping is around £120 a month.
Gas and electric are £35 a month combined
Water £22 a month.
I live within my means and budget well :)

stayathomer · 06/06/2021 23:20

I honestly don't know how some people manage to squeeze it all out apparently effortlessly when they seem to be on average wages. I must be a crap money manager because I really have to pick and choose.
I'd say most people don't and definitely not effortlessly. You see that they have it like that because you feel you can'tdo any of it. People get things in sales, they pick and choose what they can/can't do, they go in with friends for presents, they go to charity shops or Pennys, they save in jars, shop in aldi etc

PrincessAnnaOfArundale · 07/06/2021 01:12

I think it depends where you live and when you bought your house etc. I bought my house at 19 and only pay £350 a month mortgage. I also didn’t work when the kids were young so didn’t pay for childcare but Dh was on a good wage. I then started working when each of our kids were about age 3 and were in free childcare which meant my wages could either go into savings or go on holidays. Also your car payments in op are huge, we own both our cars (old nissans but still perfectly fine haha) with no debt. I think everyone has different priorities and it depends if both people work full time, how many kids you have, what lifestyle you have, where you buy a house etc.

L3andlosingit · 07/06/2021 06:59

Some of us don’t.

Mortgage £900
Loans £710 (always struggled financially - any unexpected outgoing became a debt but have avoided adding to this over the last four years. It’s finally decreasing)
Bills £650

OH salary of £23k (not many hopes of earning more)
Me PT self employed to keep childcare costs down and cope with autoimmune disease I developed 6 years ago. Average annual income £11k

After tax we bring in £2100pcm plus child benefit. There is nothing for food and clothes etc. We are not eligible for any gov suppprt as we bought our home seven years ago. They’d help pay someone else’s mortgage in the form of rent, but not our own.

We used to take in language students but I’m high risk so that door has closed. That uses to bring in around £5k per year. Right now we are slowly sinking unless I magically start earning another £500 a month or more.

I have applied for remote positions with the skill set I have but they are never truly remote or flexible. I am truly despairing at the moment.

Yorkshiretolondon · 07/06/2021 07:01

Depending on where you live- mortgage payments are higher than this and even more so if you pay rent privately not council!

BarbaraofSeville · 07/06/2021 07:16

@L3andlosingit. Have you sought advice about your debts? If you're in a position where you don't have enough for food and other essentials and your debts, you need to seek help, talk to your lenders and look at your options. No-one is expected to do without food and other essentials to pay unsecured debts, so you need to rearrange your priorities and only pay what you have left after paying for essentials, not the other way round. Have a look on the Moneysavingexpert debt help section for advice on this.

@Supergirl1958 It more than adds up. Our mortgage is only £600, car payments are £400, one lot of childcare £400. I save £400 a month, when you add up bills and general living it’s approx £800. I bring in 2.3k a month and my partner £2.1k so we aren’t living beyond our means and we still manage to save! If you cut the cloth accordingly it can be done

So you have two above average salaries and fairly low mortgage and childcare costs? Of course you can save and you're doing an awful lot less 'cloth cutting' than most people have to do.

But I also agree with the PP who says that most people have to pick and choose what they buy and do. Very few people have enough money to do and buy everything. Of course some people don't have enough for the basics. But most of us are somewhere in the middle where we can cover the basics and have some money for extras, but not everything.

So you have to prioritise according to what's important to you, whether it's nice holidays, day to day luxuries like food and drink out of the home instead of home cooking and packed lunches, more clothes, expensive hair cuts etc etc, gadgets, a more expensive home than is strictly necessary, a newer car, etc etc.

FedNlanders · 07/06/2021 07:16

Living costs have gone up but not income.

FedNlanders · 07/06/2021 07:19

We went out for dinner for daughters birthday yesterday. We made it work by having water to drink (free) and choosing carefully from menu (OH and Injust had a bowl of chips so the kids could have what they wanted) so yes we did go out but we did have to be careful to stay in budget and not go mad.

bigbaggyeyes · 07/06/2021 07:21

It gets a whole lot easier when the dc don't have to use childcare. I was crippled with childcare costs (£800 per month) and contemplated giving up work. But I kept at it and it's paid dividends now they don't need it any longer. My career has been good to me and I'm now £800 a month better off. Some goes into a pension fund and some I pay additional off the mortgage and I keep £200 back for holidays and treats for me and the dc.

Newmumatlast · 07/06/2021 07:30

@User135792468

Those who say they have a mortgage of £300-400, where do you live and how much was your house? I just don’t understand how it could possibly be so low. The people’s whose mortgages I know about are all between £1200-2000. We’re in the southeast and house prices are high.
South East here and our mortgage is under £400. Bought in 2010, overpaid from a few months in to now in the theory that if we could get used to paying higher sum we could afford an increase in interest or renting if circumstances changed, and that reduced mortgage down
jentinquarantino20 · 07/06/2021 07:43

Some people live off credit for some things, like car bills etc. I personally don’t live how I want to, single mum of 2 with benefits to pay for childcare and my mum helps. I always wonder how even on these benefits shows they always have a reasonably nice house with a car on the drive.

starlight13 · 07/06/2021 09:14

We have always bought properties to add value and moved up every 5/6 years. We put the hard work in by doing a great deal ourselves and have done this 3 times so far. Currently living in a £900k house on a £415 mortgage.
We always buy second hand cars, so all in the car costs for both of us are probably £300 max.
No childcare costs as I work full time from home and take care of the children.
We keep bills as low as possible - heating very low in the winter, save bath water etc. We don't buy meat and we mostly shop in Lidl/ Aldi etc.
It may sound extreme to some but we still have £2k spare each month to go into savings.
I am baffled by the opposite to you op, as I don't understand why people are happy with high monthly car payments and wasting money on jobs/ childcare which they could (or should?) be doing themselves.

starlight13 · 07/06/2021 09:16

Forgot to say, we are in the South East so property prices are high. It's just a case of getting on the ladder as soon as you can and don't buy a new house - you'll make so little equity from it!

name7852 · 07/06/2021 09:24

childcare which they could (or should?) be doing themselves

Excuse me? Care to elaborate on this?

PattyPan · 07/06/2021 09:43

@starlight13

We have always bought properties to add value and moved up every 5/6 years. We put the hard work in by doing a great deal ourselves and have done this 3 times so far. Currently living in a £900k house on a £415 mortgage. We always buy second hand cars, so all in the car costs for both of us are probably £300 max. No childcare costs as I work full time from home and take care of the children. We keep bills as low as possible - heating very low in the winter, save bath water etc. We don't buy meat and we mostly shop in Lidl/ Aldi etc. It may sound extreme to some but we still have £2k spare each month to go into savings. I am baffled by the opposite to you op, as I don't understand why people are happy with high monthly car payments and wasting money on jobs/ childcare which they could (or should?) be doing themselves.
Aside from the special circumstances when childcare was shut in the earlier lockdowns, most people’s jobs don’t allow them to look after children at the same time. Unless you’re talking about a 10 year old who doesn’t need direct supervision.
SMaCM · 07/06/2021 09:49

We had 1 car and one of us just got to work really early and was picked up late.

Snowpaw · 07/06/2021 10:20

@starlight13

We have always bought properties to add value and moved up every 5/6 years. We put the hard work in by doing a great deal ourselves and have done this 3 times so far. Currently living in a £900k house on a £415 mortgage. We always buy second hand cars, so all in the car costs for both of us are probably £300 max. No childcare costs as I work full time from home and take care of the children. We keep bills as low as possible - heating very low in the winter, save bath water etc. We don't buy meat and we mostly shop in Lidl/ Aldi etc. It may sound extreme to some but we still have £2k spare each month to go into savings. I am baffled by the opposite to you op, as I don't understand why people are happy with high monthly car payments and wasting money on jobs/ childcare which they could (or should?) be doing themselves.
I am struggling to think of many jobs that you can do full time from home whilst caring for multiple children.