Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

University halls for my DS this year

84 replies

Lurcherloves · 05/06/2021 07:43

We went to look at the accommodation yesterday and I had mixed feeling about my DS staying away this coming academic year. He could drive from where we live.
Whilst I would like to experience university life, I’m concerned about winter lock downs and halls would be a pretty grim place to be locked down. The accommodation is not exactly great.
I also have the usual concerns about hedonistic lifestyle etc.
AIBU to dissuade him from staying away for the first year?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lurcherloves · 05/06/2021 09:48

He also doesn’t want too much debt so we would be funding it

OP posts:
Pedalpushers · 05/06/2021 09:49

At my uni there was only one small car park for students and it cost about 20 pounds a day to park there, just a consideration re. driving.

If I hadn't lived in halls I wouldn't have the best friends I still have 15 years later. It was one of the best years of my life and frankly first year of uni living with parents sounds awful.

Whinge · 05/06/2021 09:50

@Lurcherloves

He also doesn’t want too much debt so we would be funding it
Why would you be funding it? Confused If he wants to reduce the debt he could get a part time job.
Original poster
Lurcherloves · 05/06/2021 09:56

@Whinge he does have a part time job. He doesn’t want to take the living part of the loan just the loan for the fees

OP posts:
Original poster
Lurcherloves · 05/06/2021 09:58

I’m regretting posting on here. There is so many background details that are too much to go into. Personal remarks are unfounded on little info.
Simple experiences about halls would be useful.

OP posts:
Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 05/06/2021 10:02

Has anyone made personal comments?

He can't just decide not to take the maintenance loan! How does he think it will be paid for?
Mine gets the basic loan and we give a monthly allowance. He also does paid work on an ad hoc basis.
It helps to think of the loan as a graduate tax rather than a debt.

Whinge · 05/06/2021 10:03

Simple experiences about halls would be useful.

The vast majority of posters have posted about how beneficial living away from home was. At the end of the day it's his choice, but the person he'll be in 3 or 4 years from now will be very different from who he is now. I think making a decision based on a 4 year old teenage romance and trying to do uni on the cheap will be a decision he is likely to regret in the future.

Sparklesocks · 05/06/2021 10:06

It’s his choice to make

Strugglingtodomybest · 05/06/2021 10:10

It's not your choice to make OP, it's his. Let him make his own choices in life otherwise how does he grow into a confident adult?

crimsonlake · 05/06/2021 10:12

It is not about what you want though is it? Your son gets to choose.

MayIDestroyYou · 05/06/2021 10:14

[quote Lurcherloves]@Whinge he does have a part time job. He doesn’t want to take the living part of the loan just the loan for the fees[/quote]
And what about any means-tested parental contribution to his maintenance?

I know there are parents who control their university aged children via their financial contribution. It's not a good look.

DoesSheDoesntShe · 05/06/2021 10:19

It’s all a matter of luck and chance. He may meet people he connects with, he may meet a bunch of idiots.
Some people love it, some people hate it.

MrsPatrickDempsey · 05/06/2021 10:20

Slightly different perspective here. My DD started at uni in our home town last sept. Before covid she decided to stay at home for the first year. Obviously the uni experience has been very compromised for her first year but she has taken every opportunity she could to meet others and make friends, some of which she is now really close to. She just didn't feel ready to move out last year but has secured a student house for sept.
It has worked really well for her. Not everyone has to go into halls - let him decide.

Needanewhat · 05/06/2021 10:24

Just tell him to take the loan. It's essentially meaningless. Gets taken off your salary at a pittance once you earn over a certain amount and gets written off after 25 years anyway.

I left uni in 2011 with 27k of debt and it hasn't affected me financially at all. Don't even know how much I've got left to pay tbh.

Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 05/06/2021 10:31

Ds2 is just coming to the end of his first year.

He’s had a great time - loves the course and the city. He’s actually around 4 hrs drive from us, but he wanted to push himself to be more independent rather than going to a Uni less than 2 hrs drive.

Everyone’s different. One of his flat mates isn’t v social, but that’s her choice. One of his mates found it very difficult and has gone home and is going to do his first year again (very academic course work heavy subject).

It can be a difficult decision to make as there’s so much choice, finances, etc

gladysp2 · 05/06/2021 10:35

My son started uni last October and could have travelled from home, but he’s been living in halls and bloody loving it. He had to isolate in his grim flat of 6 three weeks after he started, but they all got on so well it was just a big party.
They have all bonded more in his halls because of the COVID restrictions and having to socialise with the same people all the time. He’s honestly having a great time and never wants to come home - do what your son wants to do, don’t let COVID affect his chance of a good uni experience, it’s character building haha

Winkywonkydonkey · 05/06/2021 10:35

I work on a campus and the students who have been on lockdown on the whole seem pretty happy considering the circumstances. I wouldn't worry about lockdowns. When I teach I know who doesn't stay on campus and those people are always on the periphery. They don't have close bonds with people, aren't attending many social events etc.

Dobbyisahouseelf · 05/06/2021 10:35

I will be waving my DD off to uni this September and she will be in halls. A start of a new adventure for lots of year 13's.

EYProvider · 05/06/2021 10:36

You’re not going to get an impartial opinion on here, OP. All the fervent responses thus far are proof of that (unless these posters are really invested in their own opinions about your son’s university experience).

The universities need students to fill their halls. They are massive money-grabbing organisations. They want your son’s money, end of.

Why would anyone in their right mind pay for the privilege of being stuck in university halls with security guards on the door and everything shut around them? We all know what’s coming.

Maybe if you live overseas or miles away and have no choice, but not if you’re just an hour up the road. That’s just common sense.

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 05/06/2021 10:48

Ok, as far as advice goes. Both of mine have enjoyed halls. The younger one only went this year during all this. Even though they all caught covid within first month, they have had a blast and really bonded. Obviously it does depend on who you share with but she has definitely matured. Secondly don’t let him do catered - that’s less social atm. Finally, DD has a boyfriend from home, they went to different unis about 40min apart by train (coincidence) and have continued having a great relationship- they try to spend weekend together twice a month. I know she was a bit worried about that part.
She didn’t want to even come home for lockdown. They cooked, watched films, played daft games etcand yes, drank but nothing drastic.

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 05/06/2021 10:50

My friends daughter who has high functioning autism did struggle though and came home after a couple of months. It’s not for all, but she’s the only one I can think of that didn’t like it.

Abraxan · 05/06/2021 11:04

EyProvider

As dd has been in private halls we haven't given the university a penny for housing and at no point has she ever been locked in her halls.

To be fair none of her student friends in halls either, across the country.

I know there were a small number of high profile cases of this happening, which was awful. As a result of the bad press it wouldn't happen again- and in fact didn't happen again in the following lockdowns.

Whilst I do believe students have been let down this year with continued virtual sessions and no real return to face to face (and sone threatening to be virtual next year too) I still believe Dd benefited massively by being away for her first year. She would totally agree and had loved her new found independence. Everyone who knows Dd well has mentioned the big change in how she has matured so much this year, abd how much her confidence and independence has grown.

MayIDestroyYou · 05/06/2021 11:19

You’re not going to get an impartial opinion on here, OP.

The universities need students to fill their halls. They are massive money-grabbing organisations. They want your son’s money, end of.

How on Earth do these two paragraphs go together? Confused I'm not a university. It doesn't benefit me one iota if the OP's child stays at home or lives in university accommodation ...

But I'm struggling to understand why the responses of over 70 entirely random MN posters (most probably with two generations of experience on this subject) should be judged as 'not impartial'.

Please direct us to the 'impartial' advice on university accommodation (since we all, clearly, know nothing).

TeeniefaeTroon · 05/06/2021 17:28

My daughter is in second year and while not in university halls she is in student accommodation which is basically the same just nicer. She loves it. She did come home for the first lockdown but the last one she just stayed there. At least she had her flat mates for company. She could easily commute to Uni as the city she's in is only 60 miles away and is where her dad commutes to for work, she could get a lift there and back. Where's the fun in that though?

Fernando072020 · 05/06/2021 17:33

Yabu. Living in halls for the first year of university was one of the best years of my life.