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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge my partner rent?

73 replies

roomfulloflove · 04/06/2021 23:25

My partner and I would like to live together. I've found a house in a location suitable to both of us. From my divorce I'm able to buy the house by myself, and my brain (rather than my heart) knows that's the sensible thing to do.

We've talked about him living with me there and he said he'd pay rent.

It certainly seems the right thing to do, but I feel really uncomfortable about it, like it will change the whole dynamic between us.

Is anyone in a similar situation where they've done something similar?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/06/2021 23:27

He should save the rent to buy somewhere for himself. He should pay half the bills.

Are your earnings similar? Will you have a mortgage?

HollowTalk · 04/06/2021 23:28

I think it's right that he should contribute. An extra person living there will add to the wear and tear, especially with white goods.

Why not charge him 1/2 what he paid when he was in his own place, so that he's getting a bargain but you're getting something, too. After all, there will be days when you've had an argument and if he's living there at no cost, it'll make you really resentful!

Halve the bills, too.

Mind you, MN is full of people thinking the guy should live rent free. There was one the other day where he paid 1/4 of the bills (because she had children) and no rent.

Northernsoullover · 04/06/2021 23:31

I don't think its because women want to subsidise men. It's just concern over them making a claim on the house if the relationship goes tits up. This is why women are told to avoid charging 'rent'

BlueButtercups · 04/06/2021 23:36

@roomfulloflove

Credit to you for sorting this out FIRST ...

smart thinking 🌸

PlanDeRaccordement · 04/06/2021 23:38

I haven’t. But I’ve seen it work in a few couples.

So the fairest thing in my opinion, if this is a committed long term relationship was adding the partner paying rent as a tenant in common on the house deeds at a % that reflects the financial contribution they are making. So say you put a 50% deposit down and then you each pay 50% of the mortgage, then you basically have yourself as tenant in common with minimum of 75% ownership for you and the partner for a maximum of 25%. So this way your deposit is protected and you get 75% of any gains in house value. Before doing this, I’d get legal advice as well.

However, the couples that did the above were all in long term, committed, happy relationships.

If your partner is fairly new then I would not charge rent but instead have him cover utilities or the food shop. Financial contributions that do not give him any arguable in court financial stake in your house in the event of a split.

GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy · 04/06/2021 23:44

This is how me and DP do things. I'm older and earn three times his salary and he gives me £450 a month. Works perfectly for us as I put it all into savings and he still has enough left over each month to buy nice things and save a decent amount.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 04/06/2021 23:49

Buy it for yourself but let him pay the bills and for the majority of the food. See how it goes living together and if it's all good and you stay together then what's yours is his and what's his (including savings on rent) is yours.

FortniteBoysMum · 04/06/2021 23:53

Paying rent could be seen as buying into the house. I suggest he pays half bills shopping etc. Personally I would seek legal advice as you may need some form of contract to ensure he does not later try to make claim on the house due to having proof his paid towards its upkeep etc.

Original poster
roomfulloflove · 04/06/2021 23:54

Thanks for your quick replies. Our salaries are the same. He doesn't have any savings so would never be able to to buy anything on his own where we live, and had pretty much accepted that.

Yes, I could just specify a general amount that kind of went towards rent and bills combined.

Yes I don't think I want to do is as the tenants in common at this stage- but that does seem a fair and upfront way to deal with it all.

Hmm it is a difficult one. I want to live with him one zillion percent- he's such a supportive, loving, calming and wonderful partner to me.

But talk of the practicalities make me feel really awkward.

OP posts:
violetbunny · 05/06/2021 00:02

I think it depends on where you are in your relationship.

When I first moved in with DP, he owned his own house. He had lodgers at the time, so for me to move in meant he had to get rid of one and lost some of his income. I then paid slightly below market rent. My reasoning is that it was way too soon in our relationship to blend our finances, but if we weren't living together I would have had to rent somewhere. All bills were shared.

Fast forward another 8 years, he has since sold that property and we have bought somewhere together 50/50.

user1471528245 · 05/06/2021 00:07

My son owns a house and his girlfriend moved in, we worked out that the cost of her being there was very small, think about being there on your own and then work out the additional cost, you would still have the heating and the lights on so in reality your additions are only food, water, council tax, (you won’t t get single person supplement) when we worked it out we found that if she purchased all the food he would not be any worse off so that’s what he does, she has no claim on the house and there are no issues with charging rent or them saying they cover bills so have some entitlement, so far this has worked well, for this to work you just need to make sure they are not abusing this by leaving the lights burning, having 5 showers a day etc

user1471528245 · 05/06/2021 00:16

@FortniteBoysMum

Paying rent could be seen as buying into the house. I suggest he pays half bills shopping etc. Personally I would seek legal advice as you may need some form of contract to ensure he does not later try to make claim on the house due to having proof his paid towards its upkeep etc.
Not necessarily, if you give the person a rent book and any payments received are clearly listed on bank statements etc as rent payment, these cannot then be claimed to be payments on a mortgage or contributions to ownership
osbertthesyrianhamster · 05/06/2021 00:32

You have no business at all living together is you see talking about money and such as awkward.

How long have you been together than you're looking at living together but haven't yet bought a place with your divorce settlement?

Do you have kids?

What you don't want is a third party having a claim on your property. You need legal advice about this and also to make sure your will is up to date.

You also don't want to do the Pick Me Dance where you fall over yourself making it easy for him to live with you because you're so lovef up - such as not setting up a standing order for money to be paid for bills, bills all your name, not having serious conversations about division of labour/chores/lifework and clear boundaries about these and who pays for what.

PlanDeRaccordement · 05/06/2021 00:37

@user1471528245
But if OP did get a rent book and so on, wouldnt that also be proof of a oral lease agreement which then means the partner gets statutory tenant rights and OP landlord responsibilities? And would that not then affect her right to evict him if need be?

SD1978 · 05/06/2021 00:38

Are you buying the house outright or will you have a mortgage? Of course he needs to contribute- same as anyone does. You juts need to make sure that by contributing there is no legal claim to the property. He would have to pay wherever he lived. So a share of the mortgage or rent, which will help wi try future repairs and a fair share of the bills. Anything else I couldn't agree to as it would be an uneven relationship.

Brown76 · 05/06/2021 00:47

You could:

A) Pay for the house and house maintenance yourself, he pays 50% of bills. Your asset will be the house, his will be the money he saves up. If you split you keep your house and he has his nest egg to put towards rent.

B) have him as a lodger, he pays market rent to cover the accommodation and bills, you share food costs, you give him receipts for the rent. I feel like this gives too much of the upper hand to one partner though, he should try and build up some savings of his own too.

C) you could buy together, splitting the equity depending on how much you each put in. I put down 60% of the purchase price of our house as I owned a home previously, so I started with 100% of the equity. We have floating shares so that over the years as the mortgage gets paid off my partner starts to build up equity. If we owned together for 20 years he’d end up with 20% and me with 80%, on the basis that we’d paid off half the mortgage, but I had also put in the deposit. It does mean id have to buy him out or sell up if he wanted out, but right now he only owns 5% so it wouldn’t cost that much.

D) rent together first, buy later.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/06/2021 00:50

Why doesn't he have any savings? That might possibly be a red flag.

HollowTalk · 05/06/2021 01:23

How much does he currently pay?

ClaryFairchild · 05/06/2021 01:23

Why not, to protect yourself and him legally and financially, you do the 50% deposit ring fence thing, and share they mortgage,/each mortgage for 25%!separately, but ALSO include in the agreement that should the relationship breakdown irretrievably you have the right to buy him out of his 25%, getting 3 professional valuations and paying a mid value valuation.

It covers you financially, he gets on the property ladder, and perhaps might even leave you enough to buy a buy to let in your own name.

IAmDaveTheSerialShagger · 05/06/2021 01:33

It's not his house and I would question where this leaves him ongoing in this relationship. You found the house and now want to buy it, but what about your DP, do you not think you Both should of chosen somewhere together?

BlueButtercups · 05/06/2021 01:35

is anyones reading OP's posts..

he has no savings and unlikely to ever have any due to the area.

He doesn't want to purchase with OP.

LemonTT · 05/06/2021 06:44

@FortniteBoysMum

Paying rent could be seen as buying into the house. I suggest he pays half bills shopping etc. Personally I would seek legal advice as you may need some form of contract to ensure he does not later try to make claim on the house due to having proof his paid towards its upkeep etc.
A lot of people confuse paying rent with buying a home on here or paying off a mortgage. It’s not the same thing. Rent is a payment to occupy a house not buy it. That can easily be established and agreed in advance.

Nothing wrong with the arrangement but I wouldn’t live with someone if I didn’t trust them to be part of a joint mortgage.

timeisnotaline · 05/06/2021 06:45

Everybody should win by sharing.

BlueDucky · 05/06/2021 06:49

If he pays rent wouldn’t he get Tennant's rights? So you'd need a rental agreement? Could he not just pay towards food and bills?

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 05/06/2021 07:21

If he pays rent to a landlord who lives in the property, that makes him a lodger only which means OP could boot him out very easily if she ever wished to do so.