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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at this teacher?

72 replies

addictedtotwopenceslots · 04/06/2021 23:18

My daughter (7) has been having a problem with one of her back teeth ever since her and her dads dog collided a couple of weeks ago. Basically the tooth is dead and an abscess has started to form so she was put on amoxicillin for 5 days and has an appointment to get the tooth removed mid June (baby tooth thankfully).

I had been given her ibrufon in morning and at night which has seemed to keep the pain at bay. However I forgot this morning as was rushing.

This evening she said she had mentioned it to the teacher and had said, 'my tooth is really sore and I didn't get my medicine this morning as my mum forgot' and the teacher replied, 'well that's for your mum to sort out, there's nothing i can do (!)' and daughter said she'd said it rather angrily. I asked daughter if she mentioned her tooth to her teacher quite a lot because if that was the case maybe she's getting fed up of hearing about it but daughter said she had not.

I just feel upset that she was in pain and she didn't get an ounce of sympathy from her teacher Sad she had a breath report card and parents evening and her teacher said she was lovely to be around so I'm not sure why she's suddenly snapping at her. I understand my daughter isn't the only one in class but why didn't she send her to the office to get them to give me a call and I could have came with some medicine?

AIBU and overly sensitive?

OP posts:
SamMil · 05/06/2021 15:54

I seem to be in the minority here but I don't think you are being unreasonable to be upset.

She's your child and having someone else being unsympathetic when they're in pain is obviously going to upset you. I do agree that maybe she was busy or having a bad day so her tone was harsher than she meant to be, but I don't think you are unreasonable to feel bad that she upset your child.

Hope her tooth is feeling better soon Smile

Mydarlingmyhamburger · 05/06/2021 15:58

I’m 100% with you on this op. If a child in school announced to me that their parent had forgotten to give them their medication that morning, I’d make it a priority to make a 30 second phone call to check with mum. We all make mistakes, I can’t believe the replies on here saying it’s acceptable to dismiss your daughter and leave her in pain because you forgot her medication one morning.

Hm2020 · 05/06/2021 16:33

Yanbu. Mumsnet will never believe a child over a teacher which is very scary.

HandfulofDust · 05/06/2021 16:57

I don't think it's a case of believing a teacher over a child so much as keeping an open mind and knowing that children can misinterpret things. If something really terrible had been said I would absolutely listen to my child and pursue it. Yes if your DD was in real pain it's a shame the teacher didn't have a bit more sympathy but I at least at DC's school there will be lots of children coming to the teacher with minor bumps and pains and as long as they can see it doesn't require treatment they tend to send them away at first and 90% of the time the child's happily playing 2 minutes later.

Chillychangchoo · 05/06/2021 17:04

You’re being over the top. The teacher is busy and has children telling her multiple times a day about their “ailments” of which there are many. She didn’t have time and probably didn’t think much to it.

It was your responsibility to give the meds and she probably just presumed if you didn’t then it wasn’t necessary.

Getawaywithit · 05/06/2021 17:07

Not the ideal temperament for someone who (presumably) wants to work with children, is it

Neither you nor the OP know just how brusque the teacher may or may not have been.

The teacher is a human being with all the same shit going on as everyone else. Sometimes, we forget ourselves for a second. Doesn’t make us unfit for the job. Just human.

whyayepetal · 05/06/2021 17:33

IME, teachers who whine about how they are only human beings etcetera are usually the ones who forget that the children they teach are younger human beings who need the adult in loco parentis to show some empathy and care.

You may not be able to provide painkillers but you certainly can provide reassurance and care to a 7 year old, and contact their parent (particularly if said child rarely complains and has approached you for help). Asking a few simple supplementary questions of the child usually sorts out the genuine from the rest I find.

I’m with you OP

modgepodge · 05/06/2021 17:47

I only have 16 in my class and in an average day I’d say I have 5-6 children coming to me with various ailments. Sore throats, headaches, twisted ankles, random pains, a knee injury they did 6 weeks ago but haven’t seen a doctor about. I try to be sympathetic but honestly it’s never ending. 9 times out of 10 they want to go to the office to get an ice pack, which will do no good whatsoever, and we’ve been told not to send them without good reason as the office staff have jobs other than continuously handing out unnecessary ice packs. One girl had a slightly sore throat, for which she had some strepsils. She had had one half an hour ago and told me herself she wasn’t allowed another one for 1-2 hours. She didn’t feel it was bad enough to go home. I honestly have no idea what she wanted me to do or why she told me!!

To be honest though, if a child told me she’d missed medicine, I would try to get the office to call home to see if the parent could come in and administer it, as that is actually a fixable issue. Though, as I said above, some days the stream of medical complaints is never ending and if she was the fifth person to bother me I might be running low on patience I’m afraid.

BiggerBoat1 · 05/06/2021 17:53

I can understand why you are upset, but unfortunately I think the only person to blame in this situation is you.

I hope your DD is feeling better soon.

KarmaStar · 05/06/2021 18:01

Why are you more upset with the teachers alleged offhand manner than yourself for not giving a small child in pain her medication?it's not the teacher that doesn't come out of this well.

KingAlex · 05/06/2021 18:07

But how do you know the teacher didn't say "I can't do anything about that" in a sympathetic tone?

Also most working (and non-working!) parents will not thank you for calling them about a toothache and would ask you what you wanted them to do about it.

Birminghambloke · 05/06/2021 18:26

Could you have not called the school office and let them know that you’d forgotten to give medicine? They then are aware from you of what the issue might be to then keep an eye or to ask you to bring the medicine in to administer to the child.

There is nothing a teacher can do than to refer child or situation to office for a check in. If essential medicine, school have ‘administration of medicine’ policy and a clear procedure in place.

Likely the teacher said something sympathetic followed by “but I’m afraid I can’t do anything about it”. Did your daughter stress the pain? If not, and not noticeably in pain, then teachers are not mind readers.

Ultimately it’s your responsibility to give medicine and / or to let the school know of an existing condition you send your child to school with. If it’s that bad, surely the child would be at home?

MissyB1 · 05/06/2021 18:40

I work in a school (TA), and yes there are some grumpy unsympathetic teachers, like their are grumpy unsympathetic people in every workplace. It's possible your dd has one of these. If it went the way dd said then YANBU to be upset. Its actually not that impossible to believe.

babytops · 05/06/2021 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birminghambloke · 05/06/2021 18:52

Wrong thread?!

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 05/06/2021 18:54

What's a breath report card?

MadMadMadamMim · 05/06/2021 18:57

YABU.

The teacher doesn't know your dd has a problem tooth. You do - and it was of so little importance to you, the child's mother, that you forgot about it.

This suggests it's hardly top of your priority list. You were rushing which makes it ok, apparently.

The teacher was attempting to teach 29 other kids at the same time presumably. I don't think saying well that's for your mum to sort out, there's nothing i can do is unkind or unreasonable.

It's simple fact.

Original poster
addictedtotwopenceslots · 05/06/2021 18:59

@MadMadMadamMim oh do one will you! It must be difficult being as perfect as you.

OP posts:
Sumerisicumenin · 05/06/2021 19:05

Your child was in pain, you knew about it and you forgot to give her the meds because you were in a rush? Priorities!
No wonder she was upset if she thought the teacher didn’t care either, even though all she said was the truth.

Sumerisicumenin · 05/06/2021 19:07

[quote addictedtotwopenceslots]@MadMadMadamMim oh do one will you! It must be difficult being as perfect as you. [/quote]
Not perfect.
Did you remember to brush your hair and take your phone before you left the house?

MadMadMadamMim · 05/06/2021 19:08

@addictedtotwopenceslots

I'm certainly not perfect. But I don't blame other people for my mistakes.

You're the kid's mother. You forgot to give her pain relief and want to blame the teacher for not then doing something about it. Teachers aren't allowed to give children ibuprofen.

MustardRose · 05/06/2021 19:10

I think the teacher could have been rather more sympathetic, to be honest. Sounds like she was a bit curt in her response.

Original poster
addictedtotwopenceslots · 05/06/2021 19:10

😂😂 some very, very strange people on mumsnet I must say. We were running late out the door and totally forgot, much like I'd forget anything, shoot me. I didn't do it on purpose. Get a life eh, it's Saturday night, away out and enjoy yourselves.

OP posts:
Original poster
addictedtotwopenceslots · 05/06/2021 19:11

@MadMadMadamMim nope, if you read the OP I said I expected the teacher to show a little sympathy to my 7 year old daughter and send her to the office so the office could call me and I would have given her ibrufon. Read the post before commenting thank you.

OP posts:
TheWaif · 05/06/2021 19:12

I can't believe the responses here. I would expect someone at the school to call me if my child was in pain.