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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

HG ruining sex life

56 replies

shas19 · 04/06/2021 23:16

Im around 7 weeks and feel awful. Constantly nauseous and fatigue from hell. Im at home with the kids all day so dont really get a break so to say. Dp every night for the past week has been asking for sex but i just can't bring myself to do it. Even the thought of sex atm is making me feel horrible. Im in bed crying right now as im just so drained and feel awful having to keep turning him down atm. Usually we have sex between 2-3 times a week, last time being sunday so not long ago. Aibu to think he he should just wait until i feel ok? I hate feeling like this:(

OP posts:
HerMammy · 04/06/2021 23:17

DP sounds like a thoughtless git, does he not care how unwell you are?

Luzina · 04/06/2021 23:18

You do not want to have sex. That’s all there is to it. You do not owe him sex.

Original poster
shas19 · 04/06/2021 23:22

I think he just thinks its abit of morning sickness, funny coming from a man. Ive got 2 kids already and never had this before so its all nee to me. The nausea is honestly debilitating. We have a good sex life normally but atm i just cant and i feel so guilty

OP posts:
Totallydefeated · 04/06/2021 23:24

Is he pressuring you despite knowing you feel awful?

ChampionOfTheSun · 04/06/2021 23:24

Of course you're not being unreasonable! I wasn't even that poorly in my 1st trimester except in the evening and I couldn't manage sex. The only time we did manage I felt very sick throughout (like the worst motion sickness) and threw up afterwards. We just didn't do it until I felt better, it really isn't that much to ask for him to be patient. Flowers

VimFuego101 · 04/06/2021 23:27

What a dick, knowing how ill you are and continuing to pester you anyway.

Original poster
shas19 · 04/06/2021 23:27

Not pressuring me in the way of going on all day, but as soon as evening comes or we get into bed i know its coming. I hate turning him down as im sure it doesnt make him feel great but its nothing to do with him im just absolutely drained. Nausea always feels worse at night also

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/06/2021 23:28

You know he’s being a dick.

Hope you feel better soon.

minipie · 04/06/2021 23:29

Of course he should wait till you feel like it. Ask him, do you really want to have sex knowing I’m feeling ill and will be hating every minute??

Original poster
shas19 · 04/06/2021 23:29

I hate not feeling like myself, im crying in bed atm and im not even sure why but that's pregnancy for you. I cant wait to feel half normal

OP posts:
Feelingconfused2020 · 04/06/2021 23:32

He sounds like a sex pest to me. Sit him down tomorrow and tell him that the HG is making you feel very poorly and you do not want sex and you are not sure when you will want to again but please could he wait until you initiate something as it's adding to the pressure and making you unhappy having to constantly turn him down.

Totallydefeated · 04/06/2021 23:33

Tell him in advance of bedtime not to even ask or hint, as it pressures you and you need to be supported, not pressured right now.

He can see to himself if he’s really incapable of waiting Hmm

showmethegin · 04/06/2021 23:36

@Feelingconfused2020

He sounds like a sex pest to me. Sit him down tomorrow and tell him that the HG is making you feel very poorly and you do not want sex and you are not sure when you will want to again but please could he wait until you initiate something as it's adding to the pressure and making you unhappy having to constantly turn him down.
This is good advice and exactly what I would do. I obviously don't know your partner but I do think sometimes men can underestimate how fucking awful early pregnancy can make you feel. If you sit him down and say the above and he still hassles you then you have a problem but you need to be honest.

There's probably not a woman in the world that "feels themselves" during that first 12 weeks, I was like a woman possessed!

ThuggeryAffair · 04/06/2021 23:36

This sounds awful, How can he be pestering you selfishly when you're so ill? He should be looking after you, this is shocking behaviour.

Original poster
shas19 · 04/06/2021 23:40

@showmethegin the first 12 weeks are always a shambles for me but this one really takes the cake. I just want to curl up in a ball at night time and read MN ffs:( how sad. I genuinely think he has no idea how hard pregnancy is or how bad i feel as i just get on with it

OP posts:
austrian · 04/06/2021 23:55

I genuinely think he has no idea how hard pregnancy is or how bad i feel as i just get on with it

Then tell him. Communicate the thoughts that are inside your head.

Pinkylemons · 05/06/2021 01:34

He sounds like a knob.

romdowa · 05/06/2021 01:44

I had quite bad hg and I made it very clear to my dp that sex was off the table for the foreseeable. I was barley able to sleep without waking to be sick. So he partially guessed but spelling it out helped me feel less obliged.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 05/06/2021 01:47

Myself and DP have a great sex life. Better than ever but there is no way he would expect it if I even mentioned feeling sick never mind having severe morning sickness and being pregnant. You should never ever feel guilty.

Nancydrawn · 05/06/2021 02:00

I agree: tell him he should assume the answer is no until you initiate. It's a couple months without sex in what seems like a pleasant and active longstanding sex life. He can deal.

Muckingaround · 05/06/2021 05:00

[quote shas19]@showmethegin the first 12 weeks are always a shambles for me but this one really takes the cake. I just want to curl up in a ball at night time and read MN ffs:( how sad. I genuinely think he has no idea how hard pregnancy is or how bad i feel as i just get on with it[/quote]
Start sharing with him how you feel Flowers

timeisnotaline · 05/06/2021 05:35

This is awful! My dh was bringing me food to try at this point op. And there was that time he cleaned poo off my trousers at about 8 weeks preg. There was no sex for months. Tell yours to pretend you have gastro, to help you; and you will tell him when you feel like sex again. Warn him if he keeps asking that might be never.

BlueDucky · 05/06/2021 05:40

Maybe tell him you'll let him know when you're up for it? But he should already know this not just keep trying it on.

PrincessesRUs · 05/06/2021 06:08

We had sex once in the entire pregnancy! Baby us now 6 months and we're both so tired we haven't gotten around to it. That means we've had sex once in the last YEAR - he understands!

Charliebradbury · 05/06/2021 06:20

You need to tell him exactly how you feel. Why would he even want to have sex with someone that feels sick? My HG went on till about 18 weeks and for some people it lasts the whole pregnancy. You need to make it clear now how you feel.
My dh was waiting on me hand and foot at this stage as he knew how shockingly bad I felt.
If you tell him and he still pesters you for sex then he is a massive tool.