HG ruining sex life

[shas19]

Im around 7 weeks and feel awful. Constantly nauseous and fatigue from hell. Im at home with the kids all day so dont really get a break so to say. Dp every night for the past week has been asking for sex but i just can't bring myself to do it. Even the thought of sex atm is making me feel horrible. Im in bed crying right now as im just so drained and feel awful having to keep turning him down atm. Usually we have sex between 2-3 times a week, last time being sunday so not long ago. Aibu to think he he should just wait until i feel ok? I hate feeling like this:(

Tell him very clearly the anxiety you’re facing. He’s treating you like a sex doll. This man doesn’t know how lucky he is if this is the first time you’ve not been able to regularly have sex with him despite having 2 children.

Your comment about how he must feel bad being turned down should not be your concern. He chose to have unprotected sex with you resulting in a pregnancy. He doesn’t feel an ounce of remorse for the stress he’s putting you under. You’re the one going through this and the only consequence for him seems to be not getting his end away for a while. If his ego can’t deal with that for a while, then he’s truly a sad person.

There is nothing less attractive than someone making you feel guilty for not wanting to have sex.

OP, be blunt with him. Tell him you feel like shit and the absolute last thing you want right now is to have sex or anything else which will make your nausea feel worse. If he doesn't accept it or moans, point him in the direction of the bathroom - he's more than capable of helping himself out and if he's struggling now, he's in for a shock when you've given birth and doesn't fancy it for a good few months.

You do know that you don't owe him sex, right? It sounds as if you feel obligated to live up to this expectation that he's created, sounds about as unsexy as anything could possibly be to be honest.

Please don't be afraid to clearly communicate how you're feeling. I agree with previous posters who've said you need to say "please stop initiating, I will initiate when I feel up to it". That's a clear instruction, can't possibly be misinterpreted. Then if he ignores it you give him hell.

You didn't get pregnant alone so he should be supporting you and not adding pressure. This is not something you should need to feel grateful for, it's not going above and beyond, it's just normal supportive partner behaviour. I do hope he is helping in other ways, with your existing children etc?

HG can be a nightmare, talk to your doctor about mediation. Some try to fob you off but it can be life changing.

And you already know that he's being unreasonable. You're under no obligation to have sex if you're not in the mood and it's incredibly selfish for him to even imply otherwise and not take into account how you're feeling.

Could you tell him clearly it’s off the table for. While till you feel better?

That way he should stop pestering you.

Nothing worse when you feel ill with pregnancy. If he was floored he would be making out like it was the end of the world.
Tell him you feel horrendous, it's like you've got the worst hangover, jetlag and a bug all together. Explain how bad it is and that's why you can't just now.
I hope you feel better OP. Your drive might come back while pregnant when your hormones change. Mine came back in second trimester in my pregnancies.

I had HG, to the extent I was hospitalised multiple times with dehydration. Was told in there that it used to be the number one cause of death for pregnant women before IV drips were possible. I think people don't understand how serious 'morning sickness' can get. Spell it out to him, OP.

Jesus this would do my head in! If DH pestered me for sex any time I'd hit the roof, let alone when clearly unwell! Tell him to get a grip and stop being so entitled.

I think you know the answer, he should know when you are interested or not.

Wow, what a selfish twat. Hope you feel better soon.

I suffered terrible HG until the end in both my pregnancies. Sex is the last thing I want. DH went without for over a year each time.

He needs to understand this isn't just 'morning sickness'. Head to PSS website, show him the partner stories.

I think the OP knows she doesn't have to have sex if she doesn't want to.

She's also not given any indication that her DP is guilting her, sulking, treating her like a sex doll, and says he's not pressuring/pestering her.

OP you really need to tell him just how ill you're feeling and that until you feel better then sex is off the table.

OP, you're not the one who should feel guilty here, he is. Do you genuinely believe he doesn't understand how ill you feel?

Fucking sex pest. I can't stand men like this who think their penises come before all else. If my partner was feeling ill there is no way I'd be pestering him for sex it would make me come across as selfish, uncaring and hateful.
Sex pests put you right off sex too, Tell him to fuck off and stay away from you until you feel better.

I was sick every day up until my son was born and after that I breastfed, after a C section, and was the only person available to take on the load of the house.

We had sex about 4 times in 2 years before we split up because he amped up his abuse to choking. And yes, it started with the mememe dance about how he was being denied sex and I don't make time for him.

So do not feel bad about this. You need less shit to feel bad about.

He needs to accept sex may be off the cards for a long ass time.

He sounds selfish. Tell him you will let him know when you’re ready. That way he won’t be constantly trying and then being knocked back.

Hope you feel better soon.

OP, you shouldn't feel bad about turning him down, it's totally ok. You might find that he's totally ok with it too, if you talk to him. If you've previously been fine having sex in early pregnancy and you've just got on with things this time, maybe he actually doesn't know that this time is different. If he's not an abusive dick, I'm sure he'd be horrified to think he was making things worse for you. Talk to him. Tell him you feel like shit. Tell him you expect to feel like shit for the next few months at least, and you won't want sex until you feel better. That you'll let him know when things are better.

It's not at all unreasonable to not want sex, for any reason but especially when you're ill, but it is a tiny bit unreasonable to not communicate with your partner. He isn't in your head and doesn't necessarily know how you feel, so tell him. If he sulks afterwards, he can fuck right off because you're doing the best you can and, unless both his hands have been lost in a tragic accident, he can always take care of himself...

Wow thank you for all the replies. I think i may have come across as if i havent told him i feel unwell which i have, i actually feel like a broken record with the amount of times i say i feel like shit or i feel sick. When i say he doesnt get it i mean, i think that he thinks i feel a little queezy and as im pregnant its normal. I just spoke to him as hes at work and he was sympathetic but just said just drink some water? I dont think hes doing it to be nasty. Im going to speak to him tonight and explain on depth as i think thats the only way. Hes at work all day so doesnt see the worst of it.

That’s why I said tell him to pretend it’s gastro. And if he can’t manage that , tell him that the next time he’s in bed with gastro or a migraine or anything then he can get up and clean the house.

Would showing him the NHS pages on HG help him understand that you're not just feeling a bit sick? Specifically all the bits that say you might need hospital treatment at points, to help emphasise that this is serious?

www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/related-conditions/complications/severe-vomiting/

I don’t understand why people are saying tell him it’s serious. Even if it is ‘only morning sickness’ you feel sick!!! You’re getting sick!if I even feel slightly off I am not in the mood. He shouldn’t be pressuring you. Tell him consider it off the table until you initiate it and as you’re feeling so lousy you’ll have him step up more with kids/house/minding you. I can’t stand entitled men.

@alwayswithhope

I don’t understand why people are saying tell him it’s serious. Even if it is ‘only morning sickness’ you feel sick!!! You’re getting sick!if I even feel slightly off I am not in the mood. He shouldn’t be pressuring you. Tell him consider it off the table until you initiate it and as you’re feeling so lousy you’ll have him step up more with kids/house/minding you. I can’t stand entitled men.

Because he is unable to comprehend that ‘morning sickness’ can be serious and debilitating. Never mind it’s historically a major cause of maternal death.

This is shocking.
I had HG all the way through my pregnancies. DH looked after me and did everything he could to allow me to rest.
It is the most debilitating and distressing condition.

@timeisnotaline I think that’s rubbish. If I see someone puke up I know they’re unwell and therefore unlikely to want to do anything bar lie on the couch. It’s not rocket science. He just sounds like a total dick who wants what he wants.