why am i so hungry?

[neroforte]

hi.
today i have eaten:
2 slices of peanut butter on toast
2 large pieces of haddock and 2 slices of bread
a grilled cheese sandwich and 1/2 tin of soup
a tin of rice pudding and loads of jam
3/4 big bar of cadbury's

and i'm still hungry!!!
i have been eating weird amounts/binging the last few days, i've struggled with disordered eating for so many years that i am exhausted, i wouldn't mind eating so much if i wasn't so scared that i'd gain weight.
i'm 16, 5'5 and weigh about 10 stone.
the last few days have been a mix of binging and genuine hunger, and i just feel so shit about it.
people tell me i'm not fat but i feel it, and i'm scared that if i'm not right now, i will be in the future.
both my parents are severely obese.

Aw dear it’s okay to eat loads of shit some days!
Everyone has greedy days and it’s 100% normal, your body and mind need food to grow. Like another PP said listen to your body, it’ll tell you when you’re not hungry and when you are, I’m not gonna tell you to replace your yumyums with fruit or something healthy because right now it’s not what you need.

First and foremost you need to talk to someone about your relationship with food and your body image, don’t spend the most carefree years of your life being hung up on food, especially whilst you’re still growing.

i feel like crying reading your post @OrangeSharked. not because you have done anything wrong but it's just what i needed to hear to remind myself that i am still so young.
it is just painful, it's like a weight on my chest.
anytime i think of food i feel dread.
i have tried being so controlling over it, i used to write out exactly what i would eat the next day, and no variations, and it would be very strict amounts.
one day a few weeks ago i decided fuck it and ate whatever i wanted, i had a few 'relapses' of controlling it and now i've stopped that again i have gone mad with food.
god i would do anything to make it stop.
the only thing that works is eating more and it doesn't make sense because this is what causes me the issues.
i feel so hungry again and just want to eat pasta but i know i can't, i know i should just go to bed, i know i can't keep eating whatever i want whenever i want, but as soon as i tell myself that i feel almost like i want to rebel.
i feel so guilty over eating what i have today, but the idea of eating more doesn't make me feel bad, it doesn't make sense.

Granted its not the best at present. Thing is, annoyingly, sweet food and all the bad stuff is quite addictive. There was a fascinating programme on I player recently about how processed food messes you brain up so you crave it more. You can retrain your taste buds.

@bethmc93 i feel so carefree when i'm out with my friends. i was at my boyfriends house overnight the other night, we cooked a lot of food but i didn't even feel the urge to eat more than i needed. i ate until i wasn't hungry anymore, put my plate down and forgot about it.
i think that was the first time in years that i did that. that i just ate like a normal person.
i crave that feeling of not caring about food. i would honestly do anything.

Very simple- your diet is laden with ultra processed foods

Watch That Sugar Show on YouTube. Read Why we Eat. These explain why you are so hungry ...

I don't think 16 year old children should be on here being given advice by adults tbh. It's also an unusual place for a 16 year old to seek out

Anyway, my advise is to speak to your parents or a trusted adult you know in real life

please understand that i know my diet is shit. i know all about processed foods etc.
i know i titled this asking why i'm so hungry.
i think i know why. i just need to get it all off of my chest because with my friends and family i seem carefree, they comment that they don't know where i put it (in reference to the food), i laugh and say i'm just hungry.
no one knows that i struggle with it everyday and would do anything to be the carefree girl i pretend to be everyday.

i am a legitimate poster and if you have any concerns mnhq can check out my account.

I have had ARFID for 14 years and it has been a burden to carry. It’s draining. And if you were my daughter I would tell you that life is too short. You’re 16, eat whatever you like. If you’re craving some pasta go and make some, if several snacky type meals a day stop you from the cycle of restrict and binge then so be it for now.

I used to do this, I’d eat a normal amount when with friends or a boyfriend but home was a different story, especially at night. It’s not something I’d wish on anyone, especially someone so young.

Would your parents be understanding if you confided in them?

I never said you weren't a legitimate poster. Merely said i felt it was an unusual place for a child to seek out.

And random adults with just usernames should not be giving you advice, bar to say to talk to people in real life that you know.

@bethmc93

I have had ARFID for 14 years and it has been a burden to carry. It’s draining. And if you were my daughter I would tell you that life is too short. You’re 16, eat whatever you like. If you’re craving some pasta go and make some, if several snacky type meals a day stop you from the cycle of restrict and binge then so be it for now.

I used to do this, I’d eat a normal amount when with friends or a boyfriend but home was a different story, especially at night. It’s not something I’d wish on anyone, especially someone so young.

Would your parents be understanding if you confided in them?

thank you so much. yes with my bf or my friends i can eat and genuinely stop when i'm not hungry anymore and not even think about it, but at home i will push and push until my stomach is sticking out and feels like it's about to burst.

Did you get help when you were anorexic and bulimia? That could be a way to access more support now.

no, like i said i've never told anyone. my parents must have known but never did anything about it. even when school found out i was taking diet pills at age 11 and told my parents they only removed them and never spoke to anyone about it.
i have been to camhs for unrelated reasons but stopped going, and was going through another height of anorexia at the time so never said anything.

i have never been underweight or properly skinny so no one has suspected anything.

I would honestly give your doctors a bell on Monday and just see if there’s anything, body image issues are absolutely horrible. And by the way you describe yourself it sounds like BDD. I have been exactly the same. Nip it in the bud before it affects other parts of your life, you’re way too young for all of this to be happening and it’s not something any 16 year old needs

like i said i've been. to camhs before but i remember going to a different therapy appointment (i can't remember the name) and i just had a panic attack in the office at the thought of telling anyone anything about what goes on in my head.
it's like o have so much built up in there that i just can't get myself to talk about it.
i'm so scared if i get to the doctors that the same will happen.
i just clam up completely, i can only talk about it when it's online to strangers because i know no one can judge me then because they don't have any idea who i am.

sorry i'm rambling but i just don't know if i can go, like many things i'd rather try to sort it out myself than have to talk to anyone about it and get help. but i've tried for years on and off to help myself and it's not working so maybe soon i'll have to accept it and get some proper help.

People can’t fix eating disorders on their own. You absolutely have to talk to someone about this.

@3Britnee

Too many carbs. It interferes with leptin receptors.

This ^

No one in real life will judge you, most people at this age go through body image issues, but for some it just gets a little out of hand. You can’t carry this on your own forever, don’t let it ruin your life OP

i wish i could tell my boyfriend but i don't want to burden him with it and i don't know how he would help.
i just desperately need to tell someone and it's been building up for years that's why i'm venting here so thank you so much for people responding.

Are there any other medical people in your life?

Once you’ve told someone it will feel better. Then things can start to improve.

You poor poor thing. My heart breaks for you. You sound lovely and stuck in a really difficult cycle. Please do reach out to your parents, GP or BEAT charity.

I suffered from disordered eating between 20-25 and it is exhausting, disheartening and utterly consuming. I had CBT which took me some way to recovery. The rest was slow gains, kindness to myself and a daily reset - hot holding tight onto yesterday’s binges / thoughts etc. Slowly things changed, I refocused on what I had / offered other than my body and I have recovered (as much as you ever do). I also remember someone telling my not to believe everything I told myself. Sending love to you xx

near period times it is normal to feel hungrier.

a hobby or something can take your mind of thinking about it.

or CBT. you might have obsessional thoughts about it. gp would be good path then.

i think i do have obsessional thoughts about it.
my mum has diagnosed ocd from about my age and i get so obsessive over different things that have no impact of my life at all.
this wouldn't surprise me.

You are putting yourself under a huge amount of pressure. It sounds as though your eating is related to your emotions.

If you're worried about going to the drs, write down what you would like to say and give it to them. I have done this before when really feeling really anxious. Your boyfriend can help by just being there for you.

In the meantime sometimes writing things down in general can help when you have a lot of pent up feelings. It may sound cliche and of course it doesn't work for everyone

First thing’s first, darling...take a big deep breath. You have not done anything wrong. There is nothing inherently “wrong” with you. You have been dealt a shitty and complicated hand. You are a young person in a world that has gone extra loopy lately. You are doing what you feel you’ve needed to do to survive. Dear one, we are all doing that, even though our coping mechanisms may not look like yours. You are obviously someone who has been through more than anybody should, and at such a young age. Please take a moment to acknowledge how resilient and brave you have been. I know all too well the feelings, thoughts, fears and desperate desires you have experienced/are you experiencing. It is torturous and exhausting. And yet...you keep getting up everyday and trying again! You have a level of self-awareness that zooms out above the crap and says, “this is not good enough!”, and that proves that somewhere deep inside you, you know there is joy and peace and calm to be had in your life. Things can and will get better. You will not always be a slave to this horrible disease. You are worthy, valuable, obviously intelligent and no doubt talented and capable in so many unique and irreplaceable ways. I just wish I could reach through the phone and give you a big hug. I’d love to take this burden from you and let you REST! All I can promise you is this: there is healing, recovery and release. You’ve probably convinced yourself that it can never happen for you...but NO ONE was more convinced of that lie than I was about my life...and here I am, living a simple but beautiful, surprising, everyday-magical life...please keep going, growing, trying, failing, trying again and taking each day as a stepping stone to the wonderful life you so obviously (to everyone else at least)deserve. There is an army of (especially) women cheering you on and wanting only for you to thrive...you can’t see us, but we are here ❤️