Panic attacks driving on the motorway - how do I get past this?

[CarPanic]

I've had general anxiety basically forever, including as a child. It's been very bad at times but is just who I am/how my body works. I take anti-anxiety medication every day and have had two rounds of very successful CBT, which means I can live a pretty normal life. I have a good job, great kids, nice husband, friends etc. I've been quite 'well' for years now, though as I said I am on betablockers and I 'manage' situations with CBT strategies/self talk and am often aware of internally defusing triggers etc.

The situations I find hardest to manage are ones where I feel trapped - either because I can't leave without embarrassing myself (e.g. speaking in a meeting, sitting somewhere 'fenced in' by others, being at a dinner party with a small number of people) or because I physically can't leave, e.g. being on a fairground ride or driving on the motorway. The first category, with hard work I can manage. The second category I also work hard to deal with but I bloody CANNOT drive on the motorway. I really need to, as I can't go and visit my mum without my husband driving me. He's very supportive and understands, but I want to be able to do it.

But how can you get past doing something when it's actually really dangerous to be fighting a panic attack or even having a panic attack at 70 miles per hour?! No matter how good I feel I've become at dealing with my anxiety, as soon as I turn onto a road (even a dual carriageway) where there's nowhere to pull over, I absolutely spiral. I hate it and am so annoyed with myself for it but can't seem to stop it. I've tried doing busier roads/one junction on the motorway and it's really scary and frankly dangerous. I've had a driving licence for 12 years and drive every day locally though I don't really enjoy it. People don't understand why this 'trapped/can't pull over' thing scares me as they say 'just drive in a straight line, why would you need to pull over?' and they're right, but the feeling that I can't stop genuinely terrifies me.

Help! Any strategies or any advice would be so welcome. Or maybe people think that this is just my limit and I'll never be able to do it?

'Some terrible advice on this thread to avoid situations which make anxiety worse, the exact opposite of what you should do. '

It isn't terrible advice at all. I'm all for facing fears but not when it puts others in danger. It has been 12 years. If she'd just passed her test fine but after 12 years the op needs to accept her limitations and use other routes or other drivers.

'Sounds like you've had loads of panics on the motorway. You've not crashed. It's fine.'

She hadn't crashed yet. It really isn't fine to 'have loads of panics' on motorways. I want other drivers to be calm and competent thanks very much.

@Babygotblueyes

Find a sympathetic driving instructor with a dual control car. Some specialize in anxious drivers. You will know from your previous CBT, the only way to overcome a fear is to do it, but this way you would have someone who could take over from you.

This is what I did and we started at quite times like middle of the day. The right driving instructor made a big difference to how manageable my panic was.

I have anxiety issues and have had my whole life. The only way to get over these fears is by doing them. I don't agree at all at those saying sorry these are your limitations you obviously can't drive on a motorway so don't.

I have similar driving fears, but about driving with other people in the car as opposed to driving on the motorway. I did however also have a fear of driving on a motorway incase I had a panic attack. I can now drive on motorways without a second thought and with zero anxiety. It's a matter of practice.

My suggestion as someone who's had many anxieties about particular situations: start by doing small trips to no where and back that are planned out. E.g one motorway junction, at a time where the traffic is little to nothing like at night and choose a stretch of motorway where there is a hard shoulder. Take your partner with you if you need to pull over on a hard shoulder and switch driver. You just got to keep doing it and keep practicing. Do it in situations that are completely within your control by planning these short journeys with low traffic and in a place you can stop if you need to or feel like you're becoming a danger. You'll find it gets easier and easier. If you keep doing it you'll eventually be able to make the drive to see your mum.

I know it's scary but I promise you can do it if you take little steps. Just be sensible about it and practice at times and in situations you can get out of of you need to. Push yourself a little further each time. If you only manage half a junction before you need to pull over and switch driver then so be it. Next time try to get 3/4 of the way, then the next a whole junction.

You can do it!

Some terrible advice on this thread to avoid situations which make anxiety worse, the exact opposite of what you should do.

And this! The worst thing you can do is not face your fears. The fact you've been driving for 12 years is completely irrelevant. If you've avoided driving on motorways for 12 years then you're going to fear them just as much as 12 years ago.

You can absolutely face your fears in a sensible way that avoids putting others in danger with a bit of planning and preparation as I've explained in my post above. The best way to conquer this is to face it little by little and the more you do the more confident you'll be and less anxiety you'll feel.

Good luck!

Could you plan to do the trip several times in relatively quick succession? Once a month or something? And take your DH with you. Drive as long as your comfortable and then swap with him if it gets too much. On most motorways there is a services every 20 miles or so and there will most likely be junctions between them. Build up your confidence gradually. This is how my sister overcame her fear of driving.
The other thing I would recommend is listening to podcasts whilst driving. It just takes your attention away enough to give you something other than your anxieties to be thinking about. It makes the time go smoothly too.

If the above don't work could you stop in a travel lodge half way? So do 4hours on day one then 3 the next so you can avoid the motorway?

I had to drive on the M25 /M1 four times over this past week . I've not done that particular drive since the start of the pandemic . I was a nervous wreck each time . The volume of traffic was truly awful so many lorry's changing lanes and not safely . Must admit it's put me off abit . They just don't feel safe .

Hi its been a while since you posted this, but I am suffering with the exact same thing and it's driving me insane.

Did you figure out how to manage this?

I put radio on and sing as it forces me to breathe in the right places so ie not over breathe

I've had this for 20 years. I had labyrinthitis come on gradually. I started with a dizzy spell whilst driving on the m5 & had to be rescued by the motorway police. I tried to overcome it but failed. Now, I just accept i can't do it & drive the long way round to avoid motorways; or I get the train if it's a city centre, as I can't cope with them either. Would rather spend more on the train than put myself or others in danger.

Can you book a series of motorway driving lessons to get yourself comfortable again? You'll know it's safe because the instructor has joint control.

... as soon as I turn onto a road (even a dual carriageway) where there's nowhere to pull over, I absolutely spiral. I hate it and am so annoyed with myself for it but can't seem to stop it. I've tried doing busier roads/one junction on the motorway and it's really scary and frankly dangerous.

I'm the same. I used to work on it - graded exposures, driving (very) short distances on the highway in non-busy times - but it was too stressful to persist. Would not dream of trying a motorway.

If you can use slower roads, do that. Perhaps you will get your calm and confidence back. But you do have to work at it, in a slow and staged way, while doing your long outbreaths and calm self-talk, etc, and it takes time.

Other people will never get it, I have come to realise.