To stop training upper body because of PT comments

[Roundtumble]

So I was training upper body with my new PT yesterday and mentioned that I don't want to bulk up or build my arms/shoulders/trapeziums too much but I do want to push myself to my limits and see what my body can do if I stay consistent. I really do enjoy working out and lifting heavy weights and only want to build on my strength and technique over time. My problem is that I'll go hard at it for a good few months, get to a good place and then get complacent and I'm back to square one all over again. It's a never ending cycle- hence the investment in a personal trainer.

He mentioned that my traps( the muscles on either side of your neck joining the neck to the shoulders) are already pretty developed in a "sorry to say" type way I guess seeing as it's more of a manly trait to have developed traps and if I lift too heavy I am going to get too big. It made me feel very self conscious and got me looking on IG to see if I could find other women into fitness with developed traps. They are not huge by any stretch but you can notice them.
Body wise I am a definite endomorph with an hourglass shape ( when it's not covered in fat) so I can gain muscle quite easily.
Do I stop training upper body so as to prohibit my traps from growing any further or ignore the comment and carry on?

I'm very conflicted now. I want to challenge myself and get fitter and stronger but I also don't want a bulky upper body.

Anyone out there with advice?

Thanks in advance

I don't think developed traps on a woman are an unattractive trait. It's really not something you should worry about even if you care about aesthetics. You can maintain feminine aesthetic with developed traps.

Endomorph? You could start by ignoring that bullshit

How do you imagine being stronger with building muscle?

Stop doing shrugs etc if you don't want to build traps

*without building muscle

If I were in this situation I'd look for a new PT. They're already made you feel uncomfortable and don't sound like they're helping to get you to your goals

If your PT has made you doubt yourself to this level I'd suggest a different personal trainer.

They should be talking to you about your goals and helping you to achieve them. Or if your traps really are overdeveloped (does this actually happen?) they should be helping you balance your development and keep a proportionate physique.

Whatever, they're not helping your self esteem, so bin them.

No. I'd love to be like that - strong and functional. I think it's a good look too. Why can't women look strong? It's a really positive, healthy, attractive thing. It sounds like he has a silly attitude. He sounds sexist. Ignore the comment. I find it sad that he views strong developed muscles as a 'sorry to say' type of thing. That isn't the attitude I'd want from a PT at all.

I’d love more muscle. You need a new PT, and you can tell your new pt you’re keen to train for lean muscle.

Thanks everyone. I've never actually done shrugs before so not sure where they have come from, maybe the shoulder press or lat pull downs? Anyway I see now that I may need to find someone not so hung up on 'men should look/train like this and women look/train like that'

Pilates (and former PT) teacher here! The trapezius is a large muscle. I would be concerned from a functional/injury viewpoint if you have overdeveloped upper traps (either side of the neck). You need to make sure you’re getting a good balanced upper body workout. Over developed upper traps can lead to poor shoulder function and joint issues. Focus on low rows and posterior chain work, scapular stability and strength, triceps, medial/posterior deltoid work. Nothing wrong with a strong, defined muscular body, but make sure you’re getting a well balanced muscle development or as you get older you’ll get shoulder issues, been there, got the t- shirt and it’s not fun! Enjoy your workouts

Bodybuilder here (competing etc).
I say ignore your PT and find a proper coach who has knowledge and can train you properly.
Plenty of exercises do not engage your traps (or they do but in limitation) and will give you a nice, muscly but very feminine upper body. You can train isolated muscle groups rather than compound ones. My suggestion is: when you train shoulders / back / lats go with “light” weight (as in, not so light you swing them around, you have to feel a bit of effort but not so much you struggle) and do 10 reps of whichever upper body exercise very slowly, focusing on the muscle you want to work: for example, if I am doing front raises, I want to feel my front delt burn, not my back or my biceps. This way if you engage your traps you’ll know (cause you’ll feel it) and you can either change the angle or ditch the exercise for something else.
It’s more common than you think of, lot of people have more dominant muscles than the others, it takes time and a good coach that can help you “disengage” then in favour of your “weak” ones

Seems like you've got some good advice re: whether his comment might actually indicate some functional/form issues.

But in general, never stop doing something because you think strong/muscular isn't feminine. Have you seen Gina Carano's arms and shoulders in The Mandalorian? Strong and sexy as hell. I love them.

Like how bulky can you possibly be? Also define bulky PT. It's incredibly hard for a woman to get 'bulky'. Qudos to you if you have amazing well defined musculature. I would focus on function and balance of muscles. Personally I look like Golem and decent posture looks fabulous on everyone!

It's incredibly hard for a woman to get 'bulky'.

This reinforces the message that it's not womanly to have muscles. It's hard for some women to gain muscle, less so for others.

Buy Strong Curves and sack the PT?

(Strong Curves has good fitness and body strength, but priorities the glutes - important for us as we grow old).

@YellowScallion

It's incredibly hard for a woman to get 'bulky'.

This reinforces the message that it's not womanly to have muscles. It's hard for some women to gain muscle, less so for others.

That’s bullshit it’s incredibly difficult for woman to gain a lot of muscle, and anyone who does puts in a shit load of effort to get it.

It's incredibly hard for a woman to get 'bulky'.

Amazingly enough, people are different. I get bulky really easily. I don't lift any weights, but do a physical job and I can't fit my arms into women's t shirts and have very obvious traps.

Sometimes it's just genetic. If you Google 'sloped shoulders' that's my body shape. I have traps whether I lift weights or not, though they're more pronounced these days. If you're a similar shape you'll have them regardless so you may as well just train!

Agree I'd find a new PT. My sister has very broad shoulders and is very into exercise - but she has a great PT who had an open conversation with her on what she'd like to work on both physically and aesthetically, and came up with a plan that still allowed her to do a hard arm/shoulder workout without bulking out her shoulders/neck too much. It's pretty basic and very common for women to want this.

Maybe he was just trying to warn you that it might be something you don't want to bulk out further, but sounds like he didn't do it in a sensitive way, and he should have followed it by a suggestion of 'if that's OK with you, then we can do this kind of work, if you'd rather avoid building it up further, we can do this kind of thing'.

You said you didn’t want to be bulky so he has listened to you and said let’s not work on traps anymore then. He is doing what you asked?

Bottom line is if you choose to do lots of work on your traps the will look bulky, if you don't want them to look bulky don't target them. Your choice, you know the outcome.

Another Pilates teacher here and I totally agree with what @FVFrog says. Your focus should be on building balanced strength.

Fun check to do in front of the mirror to see if you use your traps too much:- face the mirror with hands by your sides, palms facing inwards. Slowly (very slowly!) lift one arm up to the side whilst looking in the mirror at what's happening to your traps. Can you lift your arm to should height whilst keeping your neck long and not engaging your traps?

Also, get a different PT!

@YellowScallion

It's incredibly hard for a woman to get 'bulky'.

This reinforces the message that it's not womanly to have muscles. It's hard for some women to gain muscle, less so for others.

It’s hard for many women to gain muscle!! I’ve trained 10 hours a week kayaking, weights and running to compete in marathon kayaking, muscliest I’ve ever been and the massage therapist said it was tricky to massage such small muscles (in context he was in a room full of kayakers which is a sport that does wonders for men’s physiques. Not so much women’s. (Yes it was a long time ago and yes I’m still bitter)

Damn your PT sounds awful!!!

If you're London area let me know if you'd like a reccomendation for a lovely female PT

@timeisnotaline I'd happily donate you some muscle if I could, I seem to have a surplus :-)