What to take a bereaved friend?

[candle18]

AIBU not to take flowers? I’m visiting at the weekend and I know she’s had lots of flowers. I was wondering about making up a little pamper pack with candle, bath bomb, wine, chocolates, magazine etc but DH wasn’t sure that would be appropriate.

Any ideas of what would be nice to take to visit.

When my mum died we got loads of mail order flowers. Lots of them arrived dead. Nowone has enough vases.

Best gifts I’ve had after bereavement were a whole freshly roasted chicken and fresh bakery bread. From a great aunt who knew us well enough to know we wouldn’t be eating properly

When my dad died, I really appreciated when people brought me food. I was his NOK and had little time to do anything between grieving and organising the funeral/his home being cleaned up ready to give back to the landlord, etc, and I forgot to eat so much. One friend made 5 freezer meals and that meant so much more to me than flowers.

I agree food. I was not really in the mood to pamper myself when newly bereaved, but I would have really appreciated some simple home cooked food I could freeze and have on hand.

It was hard to put one foot in front of the other, and I often wasn't hungry at regular times. Some nice soup or lasagna ready to go was great.

An outdoor plant or planter or some homemade food or baking.

I took my friend food for her and the children and wine.

Food things that are nice but keep - like biscuits and packaged cake. Even if the recipient doesn't want to eat them themselves, they are useful to serve for the endless stream of visitors.

Homemade cake as she will probably have a lot of visitors that she can share it with.

My friend baked me a cake and bought me a really nice tree/bush/plant thing to plant in the garden as a memorial thing. I really appreciated her just caring though

For me - easy to go to food was such a help. 'Cook ' meals for my kids , abs also a friend came every night for a week and helped put my kids to bed. That made such a difference as I'm a single mum. The stress points for me were when with my kids on my own as I broke down a lot.

Bath stuff, lavender to help you sleep and wine was also amazing! I'm so sorry your friend is going through this. As a previous poster said - a text to say thinking of you, no need to rely, you know where I am is lovely too

Food and practical help. When my mum’s sister died, I spent a week doing housework and running errands for her.

Meal vouchers or a home cooked meal that she can put in her freezer.

Perhaps a diary so she can write down her thoughts.

I got so plants for the garden when my mum died. Genuinely think of her each time l pass them now. Now much use if she has no garden but there are lovely rose bushes in garden centres now all ready to bloom for the Summer and might lift her heart a bit as the weeks go on.
But really l just totally appreciated anyone who gave me that time and acknowledged my mums death. I have never forgotten.

Definitely food gifts and if you do prefer to take flowers take an arrangement ready to sit on the side not a bunch/bouquet.
Mostly importantly speaking from experience, people who have been bereaved usually want to talk at you not to you, so just be there and listen.

We would have appreciated cake or biscuits, to feed all the visitors.
We did like all the flowers that came, we love them. Dad would have liked them. I wouldn’t take home made dinners as they might not be to the recipient’s taste. A lovely lady brought my Mum three home made shepherds pies and I eventually threw them away as she didn’t like them.
It’s so important to keep in touch in the weeks and months after the funeral so invitations to coffee, lunch or dinner if allowed, may be greatly appreciated.
Bless you, Op for being so thoughtful.

I agree, a plant rather than flowers.
I gave away all my flowers when I had a recent bereavement. I couldn’t cope with the visual reminder in the house
I really valued the pack of seeds of my mum’s favourite outdoor flowers though.
What helped most though were people acknowledging what had happened and checking in on me. Your friend will appreciate the thought whatever you take x

Ask her?

My friend recently lost her DH and when I went to visit I asked if there was anything specific she wanted. She'd had lots of visitors and (we live outside the UK) she'd run out of tea. I quickly ordered a huge box of Yorkshire tea on Amazon and took that and naive biscuits. And a gift each for her kids. They all went down well.

We got given a ton of flowers and food when my mum died unexpectedly. We appreciated every bit of it. My mum loved flowers so it was beautiful that the house was full of them (14 bunches at one point!), the freezer was full of food, and I was also sent a bottle of Prosecco (she loved prosecco) and a pamper pack. Like others, I was touched by the gestures of love and thoughtfulness, rather than the actual stuff.

I remember a neighbour bringing round a home baked cake after my dad died and it was lovely.

My sibling, my closest relative, died last year. I honestly wouldn’t want the bath bomb, chocolates etc as pampering myself was not on the agenda. Flowers would be nice, unless you think she has already been inundated. But to be perfectly honest, your visit is enough.

I took my friend a wooden tray filled with things to try to comfort her and help her to sleep etc, Bach’s rescue remedy, pukka night time herbal tea, softest face flannel I could buy in M&S, candles etc. My local florist displayed it all with tissue paper & cellophane. It looked really lovely & she did appreciate the gift. I also used to take sandwiches and food that was easy to eat & serve etc. So we could just sit, talk & cry.

@Newkitchen123 for you, and yes you are so right there.

Please be there after the funeral for people, so many people step away and that is when your friendship, love & support or needed the most.

Food, I agree drop off and pick up of kids is very helpful . A listening ear I found the most helpful , someone who can just listen and let them talk or not talk .

A listening ear and an open door.

Take nothing. It is ridiculous to have to take a gift to comfort a grieving friend. Presents are not expected.