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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you'd approach this?

30 replies

Papayn · 03/06/2021 20:13

I've name changed as I don't want this to be linked with my other posts

Last night DS1 (16) was on my iPad as his phone is broken. DS2 uses it to watch youtube. Today, DS2 wanted to use it but it wouldn't turn on so he gave it to me and when it turned on, porn was up. I was shocked and showed my DP and he said if I wanted he’d speak to DS1 (DP isn't ds1s biological father). I'm not sure though as I don't want him to be embarrassed.

How would you approach this?

OP posts:
Aprilwasverywet · 03/06/2021 20:14

You mind your own business...

Plump82 · 03/06/2021 20:16

@Aprilwasverywet

You mind your own business...
She doesn't need to mind her own business when it was watched on her ipad.
TheCanyon · 03/06/2021 20:18

Just remind him to clear shared devices.

whiteroseredrose · 03/06/2021 20:18

I'd mention it and say that I'm OK with him borrowing my iPad but not to watch porn thanks. Sod his embarrassment, he's embarrassed you.

nokidshere · 03/06/2021 20:18

You mind your own business

Don't be ridiculous. At the very least a conversation about closing the sites down before other family members use the tablet.

Bluntness100 · 03/06/2021 20:19

I’d not mention it. Sixteen year old lads have been known to disappear into a vortex of porn. 😂

It will just cause a cringe worthy memory for life. No one wants their mum to know they were wanking.

KurtWilde · 03/06/2021 20:22

@Bluntness100

I’d not mention it. Sixteen year old lads have been known to disappear into a vortex of porn. 😂

It will just cause a cringe worthy memory for life. No one wants their mum to know they were wanking.

Agree.
Whyhello · 03/06/2021 20:24

I’d remind him not to watch it on shared devices and if he really feels he has to, at least make sure he clears the history and doesn’t leave the page up...

schoolfinder007 · 03/06/2021 20:24

@Bluntness100

I’d not mention it. Sixteen year old lads have been known to disappear into a vortex of porn. 😂

It will just cause a cringe worthy memory for life. No one wants their mum to know they were wanking.

This
BigusBumus · 03/06/2021 20:25

Omg why would you have to "have a chat" about it?!

All 16 year olds look at porn and wank. He made a mistake by leaving the browser open that's all.

EverythingRuined · 03/06/2021 20:26

Firstly I’d sort things out so that no one in the house can watch porn. I had very few rules with my kids but I really disapprove of porn.

I’d have a chat with him and ask him what he would think if he accidentally watched people who were underage being abused or if he watched adults who were being raped.

3scape · 03/06/2021 20:27

This reply has been deleted

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schoolfinder007 · 03/06/2021 20:45

@3scape

Remind someone who is 16 and ought to know by now that people get abused by porn so If you're watching it you're an abusive cuntweaseal and everyone thinks your dick is pretty small. That should traumatised him plenty. But seriously. Boundaries.
Confused
KurtWilde · 03/06/2021 20:49

@EverythingRuined

Firstly I’d sort things out so that no one in the house can watch porn. I had very few rules with my kids but I really disapprove of porn.

I’d have a chat with him and ask him what he would think if he accidentally watched people who were underage being abused or if he watched adults who were being raped.

Good grief Confused
WetWeekends · 03/06/2021 20:54

@EverythingRuined

Firstly I’d sort things out so that no one in the house can watch porn. I had very few rules with my kids but I really disapprove of porn.

I’d have a chat with him and ask him what he would think if he accidentally watched people who were underage being abused or if he watched adults who were being raped.

This is exactly how I feel. Not in my house, and I’d be making sure my DC knew how abusive and awful the porn industry is!
RIPworkingmums · 03/06/2021 21:31

Personally I would have to mention it because it’s unacceptable to leave that page open for other family members to find, especially younger ds. I wouldn’t have a sit down chat but perhaps mention in passing that ‘could you please remember to clear my ipad if you watch it late at night again’ he will know exactly what you’re on about! (I would probably drop in something about the porn industry but expect him at 16 to not listen to a word of that bit!)

LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour · 04/06/2021 00:20

In addition to the above advice I'd probably be giving the iPad a thorough wipe down...

CustardyCreams · 04/06/2021 03:07

I’d be asking if he washed his hands before he handed the iPad back...

Lemmeout · 04/06/2021 07:05

You sort out your broadband so that porn can’t be watched!
I am not the cool mum that would consider this none of my business.
I’d say something, probably along the lines of how degrading it is to women without saying don’t. That never works anyway.

dentydown · 04/06/2021 07:10

Some porn sites are security risks/untrustworthy. So I would definitely have a word about it. Your iPad, your rules!

BestOfABadLot · 04/06/2021 07:10

I'm torn. It's safe to say that almost all 16 year olds watch porn but it obviously shouldn't be left open for anyone else to see. I might leave it on this one occasion but if it happens again make a point about being more considerate and careful.

Rollmopsrule · 04/06/2021 07:15

Maybe in a few days ask him to remember to close the tabs on the ipad after he's used it without mentioning porn specifically. He'll know actually what you mean. No need to say anything to embarrass him.

Chloemol · 04/06/2021 07:22

@Aprilwasverywet

‘Mind your own business’!

It is her business it’s her iPad that was used, and then a younger child saw it

Op, tell him to clear his history if you want to continue to let him watch it

Personally I wouldn’t be letting him use mine again

myfuckingfreezer · 04/06/2021 07:33

If he and DP have a good relationship, then perhaps DP needs to talk to him about the horrors of the porn industry.

Honeycombskl · 04/06/2021 07:34

I'd talk to him about it and make sure that he understands if he's watching porn that a) he can't do it on family shared devices and leave them open after; and more importantly b) porn isn't a depiction of what normal sex is like. I think b is really important as lots of young men these days are having their understanding of sex informed by porn, including extreme porn, so I'd be having a chat with him about that.