I'm at a loss with a man I really really like. I love him. He loves me. We met probably at a bad time for him. Although he claimed it was the exact perfect time to meet me. He had been in an awful place about 6 months before he met me. Suicidal and unhappy after moving out of the home he had lived in with his ex for the best part of a decade. They clearly had their problems. Argued alot. They started doing things seperately. Sounds like he had a fling after they split. Then he realised he wanted his ex. So he begged for her back. Obviously it didn't happen. So he moved out. Got really depressed. Tried to kill himself. Only survived as he was found by someone in the nick of time dying on the floor.
6 months later he is back working. He meets me through work. We got talking. We realised how much we liked eachother. We built up a really lovely friendship and eventually that turned into love. Which got to the stage of wow we could go further and eventually have it all.
Throughout this time his ex was popping in and out his life. Although at first he said it was just messages. They were friends. I remember he actually had a chat with her to say he was seeing someone and she said she was happy for him. But at that stage she seemed to get even more intense with him. He would tell me things she was telling him about her work or life. She would send him pictures of their old dogs. Plants. Tell him about family stuff.
He was sometimes nostalgic. Sometimes seemed cross. I remember him actually saying looking back he didn't like her very much at all. But then he would go so soft about her and say l, he just liked looking out for her now, she was like a friend.
It kind of ruined what we built up as it was becoming quite irritating for me. I was sick of her being mentioned. It felt like everything he liked was linked to her. The places they ate. The places they went.
Three months we ended up apart. In that time I struggled. I missed him terribly. We ended it on an angry note. We bumped into eachother last month. It was abit emotional. We didn't talk much. But after a week he suddenly ramped up the contact. We've talked out some of the things that happened. He wants us to meet and I would love to but he's not giving me the same sort of affection and love from before. He messages me like a friend. Rings me and we just chat. There have been conversations when he's talked about stuff he wants us to do. Like beaches. Zoos. He said he'd like to buy me a piece of jewellery and then explained he had done similar with his ex and got her charms for all the places they went. He hasn't bought me it yet. I'm realising he wants to go to places he took her. But that might not be all bad.
Anyway yesterday I told him my new sandals had torn my feet to shreds. He told me about a brand women wore when he lived in Germany. I googled them to see and it's the exact sandals his ex has on in half his pictures.
I have asked him about his feelings and he's very much no! Would never go back to her. But I truly feel she is the reason we can't progress.
It's been 3 years in December and they are still constantly in touch. It's very off putting.
I know full well they don't want to be together now. But they both clearly have not accepted to move on with other people they need to give the other alot more space than they are giving. It's definitely affecting him. He has an unhealthy obsession with her still I'd say.
I don't want to give him up as we do get on so well. But I fear that she's not going to move on anytime soon. She's 38 and he's 46. She's an attractive woman. So I cant see why she's still alone unless she wants to be.
I don't know what to do. I feel like her moving on is the only way he will let go.