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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Screaming children

44 replies

Livinthedream84 · 02/06/2021 11:04

Ok I have three children of my own and also have nieces and nephews. I know children make a noise and I’m fine with that. We live next to a primary school which doesn’t bother me too much and when it does I sit in the front of the house where I can’t hear the noise as we live on a (previously) quiet cul-de-sac. Sorted.

About 2 years ago my neighbour became a childminder. This has been fine up until January last year when she got a lot of new children start. All the toddlers do is scream and cry all day. I’m not even kidding. Cry, cry, scream, scream. I can’t sit with my windows open when it’s warm because that’s literally all I can hear. I have a stressful job and last year I actually (jokingly) asked her what she was doing to them all? She replied oh they do cry a lot, sorry.

I know I’m gonna get flamed here and I don’t want to sound like a grumpy old fanny but it’s starting to really irritate me to the point I’m slamming the windows shut or shouting ‘crying again?’ Aibu? Should children be screaming and crying all day??

OP posts:
MaMaD1990 · 02/06/2021 11:07

I mean, yes you're being unreasonable and a bit of a grumpy fanny to start slamming windows shut and making passive aggressive comments. Why can't you go round, have a cuppa with her and see if you can come to some sort of agreement around timings that they're out there or whatever? Your behaviour will not help any sort of neighbourly relations and will most likely hinder them.

Hsjdb7483939 · 02/06/2021 11:10

I get it can be annoying but I would imagine when she became a childminder she didn’t have to think about the fact that a lot of people would be working from home. Your response isn’t particularly helpful though; it’s most likely making her more stressed and won’t be doing any favours with the children crying.

ColaOlaLa · 02/06/2021 11:10

You shout at them?

Faranth · 02/06/2021 11:13

You are being unreasonable and grumpy. But. I would be seriously unhappy if my DC was screaming and crying all day at the childminders. They must be unhappy, I'd be worried she isn't looking after them very well! Confused

Lindy2 · 02/06/2021 11:15

I used to be a childminder. It's perfectly possible to have quite a few children playing without lots of crying and screaming.

Sometimes when 1 is settling in there can be quite a lot of crying. I used to take them all out for a walk if that was happening which usually helped the new one settle (and spread the noise out a bit).

I would be concerned with constant crying and screaming. Is she there in the garden with the children trying to distract and settle them?

ChangePart1 · 02/06/2021 11:17

YANBU, I'd be quite concerned about the kids if there's that degree of screaming and shouting going on. Some crying and tantrumming is normal, especially when settling in, but it's been going on for eighteen months!? That's really not usual. At a proper nursery there would be a plan in place to try help the child adjust and be happy while they're there, not just an acceptance that this particular kid screams nonstop.

I'd be really concerned about the quality of care, though unless you have cause to think they're being neglected or abused I'm not sure there's much you can do about it.

Onceuponatime1818 · 02/06/2021 11:17

I know lots of child minders and the kids don’t cry and scream all day!

Does the CM not take them out to playgrounds ect?

RightYesButNo · 02/06/2021 11:20

I voted YANBU. It sounds like you know what “normal” children’s noises are, you’ve had three, and you know we all have to live together in neighborhoods, and you’ve made accommodations already for being near a primary school. I’m inclined to believe that if you say they’re screaming and crying incessantly, then they are. Yes, she’s a child minder, but she also needs to be a good neighbor. If your neighbor was a musician, it wouldn’t just give them carte blanche to make unlimited levels of noise for their profession. It sounds like maybe she’s taken on too many children at once perhaps? Tough to say the exact problem. But yes, this would absolutely do my head in, even if I wasn’t WFH. And especially since she admitted they “do cry a lot.” So... she’s just not going to do anything about it? I don’t know what to recommend, but I don’t think you’re in the wrong for being annoyed.

x2boys · 02/06/2021 11:38

They are kids what do you suggest she does with them ,lock them in a shed in the garden🙄Maybe if you were not so agressive yourself they wouldn't be crying so much?

ilovesooty · 02/06/2021 11:43

It's not the kids ' fault but I think you know that and you sound at the end of your tether.

I'd be concerned about the quality of care.

Perhaps have one further attempt to address it with her and if that's unsuccessful consider some kind of reporting or complaint.

Pinkblueberry · 02/06/2021 12:19

I don’t think yabu as long as you’re not exaggerating - my son goes to a childminder I wouldn’t be happy to know he the other mindees were screaming and crying all day Confused as far as I’m aware they have a good time. Yes toddlers obviously get upset for various reasons throughout the day but it shouldn’t be constant to the point it’s causing such a disturbance.

Original poster
Livinthedream84 · 02/06/2021 12:31

Haha I don’t shout at her I close the window and rant to myself! Sorry I wasn’t clear, Which is not very helpful either.

It is quite abnormal crying to be honest but I have known this lady for over 20 years and I know it’s nothing to do with her ability to care for children. Her own children are grown up and very lovely and I’d say she was a great mum. I’d say the children were too spoilt if anything.

I have spoken to her about it before but I’m aware of a child is crying then they are crying what can you do? It’s just very annoying having to listen to that all day! When we moved here I signed up for a primary school, we signed up for the shouting, cheering, singing, teachers shouting etc. We didn’t sign up for toddlers screaming and crying all day :(

OP posts:
fashionablefennel · 02/06/2021 12:33

Sounds horrific, I feel sorry for you!

It's not normal, it's not acceptable and even young kids would suffer to have to put up with this all day. So it has nothing to do with disliking children or being a "grumpy old fanny", even a preschooler would struggle.

I am amazed the childminder is keeping the child if they are that bad.
She must be getting mad and I am sure other parents would be really annoyed if they knew what environment their own kids have to be in.

MsTSwift · 02/06/2021 12:36

Not on to have your business adversely affecting neighbors to this extent. This goes above everyday hubbub.

Ozanj · 02/06/2021 12:38

They probably aren’t all crying all day. Just get on with your work - go to your office if you truly have a VIP job.

Stompythedinosaur · 02/06/2021 12:38

Sorry, I think that a crying baby counts as normal noise you get from living near others. Get earplugs or more somewhere more spaced out.

x2boys · 02/06/2021 12:47

We have been in a pandemic for over a year ,schools ,opening and closing ,normal everyday activities opening and closing, do you not think the tming of when things started to get worse may have coincided with the start of the Pandemic,who hasent felt like crying and screaMing🤷

whiteroseredrose · 02/06/2021 12:49

I know what you mean OP.

We have lots of young children around us and we like the sound of them laughing and playing.

However the neighbours who back onto us have their grandchildren round and they are off the scale. Shrieks and tantrums that are really loud. They are a nightmare. Nothing like normal children's noise.

Lorw · 02/06/2021 12:53

Are they NT children OP? I know you probably wouldn’t know that but my autistic SS cries a lot at nursery sometimes because of sensory overload. I feel for you, not sure what the solution is though, may just be hard on them settling in after the shitty year everyone’s had.

stressbandit · 02/06/2021 12:56

You sound like a nightmare 😮. My kids have learning difficulties and spend majority of the day screaming, there's nothing I can do about it as they are in their own worlds and feel scared with real life. If you shouted at my kids I'd be shouting bloody back at you. How do you know she isn't having kids their with the same issue?

MaMaD1990 · 02/06/2021 12:57

@stressbandit

You sound like a nightmare 😮. My kids have learning difficulties and spend majority of the day screaming, there's nothing I can do about it as they are in their own worlds and feel scared with real life. If you shouted at my kids I'd be shouting bloody back at you. How do you know she isn't having kids their with the same issue?
You should probably read her update down thread...she's cleared up that she doesn't actually shout at anyone...
x2boys · 02/06/2021 12:58

@Lorw

Are they NT children OP? I know you probably wouldn’t know that but my autistic SS cries a lot at nursery sometimes because of sensory overload. I feel for you, not sure what the solution is though, may just be hard on them settling in after the shitty year everyone’s had.
My severely autistic son shouts a lot too and he's often happily shutting ,I think it would be very unusual for all the children to be autistic ,and shouting however ,even if the child minder accepts children with special needs and many don't ,they would need a higher level of staff to children
x2boys · 02/06/2021 12:59

Happily shouting

Thefaceofboe · 02/06/2021 13:07

My neighbours are obviously doing childcare this week for their grandchildren and they are SO loud, I’m quite liking it Grin I can think of much worse sounds than children having fun.

Lipz · 02/06/2021 13:14

Nothing worse than a creche opening up right next to you. As you say, you signed up for a school. At least with a school they have a schedule and you are nearly able to time their outside time, with a creche they can be outside all day long.

Kids do shout, scream, cry but sometimes when it's constant and there's no sign of someone trying to calm the situation it can be stressful.

We have screeching neighbours, people constantly telling me to get head phones, yeah, that doesn't work when the screeching can be heard over them, also I need to be able to hear my disabled dd, also I have 4 other kids, we all can't sit in our own home with head phones so the little screechers can scream their lungs out.

People need to be more aware of their surroundings, people need to show more consideration for people living beside them. Kids never screamed like they do now.