AIBU to not let my dd9 watch 12 films

[gobletsofmadness]

Apparently I'm the only mum in her class who wont let DD9 (nearly 10) watch 12s. They are all also watching programmes like His Dark Materials (which I thought was a bit scary!) Am I alone in this? Do you let your 9/10 year olds watch 12s?

For context DD has active imagination and used to get terrified of lots of PG films/have nightmares etc. To be fair she is much better now than she was, so am happy to be told this is clouding my judgement and I am BU.

Be proud your the only mum who says no. I wear that badge with pride when I get the .. everyone else does/watches ABC

It totally depends on your child and their personality - you know her best, not the other mums at school. You absolutely don't need to be letting her watch things you aren't really comfortable with just because other parents do, trust your own instincts. My DD is sensitive and has anxiety and I've had to be careful what I let her watch, finds sad moments in films unbearable (so no ET or similar). Pretty much no age 12 films until she was nearly 12, and I don't just let her watch any 12 film even now. I watched Mean Girls myself last week to make my mind up if she could watch it, and no, she won't be watching it, way too bitchy. But other 12s she's watched this week, Miss Congeniality and The Devil Wears Prada, were okay. The Deathly Hallows has some grim moments but she's alright with that, but if I sat her down to watch Jaws she'd have nightmares. When you consider how many movies there actually are there is plenty to watch, no rush, they'll get round to older films when they're ready.

It's funny how differently people percieve things, like the PP who doesn't feel Jurassic Park is overly violent, whereas I wouldn't describe it as 'non-violent', what with the bloke who gets eaten off the toilet by the T-Rex and the scene with the severed arm etc it's a bit gruesome. Having said that, I can't wait to watch it with DD as I think it's a brilliant film, just not sure how she would react. She has sleep issues so I don't want her getting nightmares - I just hold off until I'm sure she'll be alright with it.

A great deal of 12 certificates would have been 12a in the cinema, so its really down to the parent to decide based on the content.

DS is 10 and I generally allow it. There isn't much that's ok for a 12yo child but horribly inappropriate for a 9yo child as far as films go, imo.

I would allow my 9 year old to watch that. He’s pretty hardy tbh.

Agree it depends on the film. There’s a website which talks about appropriateness which I find helpful.

www.commonsensemedia.org/

Just search whichever film.

I have let my 8-year-old watch a Spider-Man 12, and he was fine, but I don’t think I would have let him any younger and I think he’d have got more out of it if he’d waited - but maybe not as the Spider-Man phase is a certain age, so I don’t know. No regrets about it though! He loved it and had no nightmares!

@gobletsofmadness

Thanks for the responses - agreeing and disagreeing. I do feel a bit mean now . As it is Harry Potter 4 and upwards she wants to watch. I think previous bad experiences of nightmares and sleepless nights have clouded my judgement a bit (though she does still get easily spooked!) But sounds like I need to lighten up a bit - I don't want her to be left out at school.

I would probably say no to Harry Potter 4. Anything above 2 is so scary!

My DS aged 12 has watched Stranger Things which I think is a 15. I wouldn't let him watch a 15 rated horror though or anything overly sexual but I think some mild sex scenes are OK. It depends on the child and the rating is intended as a guide only. I wouldn't watch an 18 film and I'm 33, because they are usually full of gore.

like others have said at the end of the day its your choice and you know your child best I've allways followed the rule that no film/tv is banned outright but I have to watch it first or we watch together. There will always be one kid whos seen everything though my 7yo came home in yr1 telling me about the scary clown game his classmate had made up saying and X was pennywise and had to chase us.

It's interesting that people have such different ideas of what is or isn't okay/scary.
It's funny people saying His dark materials is aimed at 9 year olds. I read His dark materials as a child and really enjoyed it and the first series on TV I liked. But there's something about series 2 that I find v difficult to watch - I've stopped half way through as I find it unsettling (I'm in my 40s !).

Sounds like you could be projecting a bit as you seem quite sensitive to films yourself?

Just to add, I looked at Common Sense Media to see what it thinks about The Goblet of Fire (it’s an American site so it’s officially a PG-13). It thinks it’s appropriate for children aged 12+, and parents who use the site say 10+, and kids on the site say 10+:

www.commonsensemedia.org/movie-reviews/harry-potter-and-the-goblet-of-fire

It’s such a useful site. I use it a lot if I’m unsure if a film is really ok or not (especially since DS is desperate to watch Marvel!).

As pp have said, 12 ratings are slightly different as in the cinema they are 12A, meaning ok for under 12 with an adult. It does vary. Da has watched all the Marvel films this year and only just turned 11 but he's also watched Dr Who for years whereas his older sister could watch Dr W at that age without being terrified. I'm that mum who wouldn't let them watch HP until they had read the book, because the film's miss sooo much out and also, if they know what will happen, it takes some of the fear away. That kept my husband busy for years as ds doesn't have much reading stamina and had the books read to him in the end 😁

Agree depends on the child & the film. I remember my DSD 9 asking to watch Bring it On - I've watched it plenty of times and it's a seemingly innocent cheerleading film...when watching it with her I became far more aware of the reference to sex and was mortified when I was asked what a virgin was 😳
90% of the time I've found 12s are mild but we tried to stick to the certifications until they got into early teens and understood more - DSD2 is now 13 and we'd let her watch a 15 if we've seen it before and think it's ok.

We also got the "everyone I know is allowed to watch older stuff" - but we brush it off.

Dd was the only child in her class without the latest iphone
She was the only child not allowed to watch love island
All of her friends had brand new white minis when they passed their driving tests

I don’t trust her in the slightest on these things 😀

They weren’t allowed to watch out of age films unless id seen them and knew they were fine for my children...and they all differed, ds2 had nightmares the other day watching films that ds1 wouldn’t bat an eye at

Let me guess, your DD is first-born or only child? It kind easy to overthink things with them, but with subsequent kids - these rules just go out of the window.
Also kids are much less squemish than adults.

We watched Spiderman Far from Home last night with our 9 and 7 year olds and that had a 12 rating, they've also watched all of the Harry Potter films. I am careful with the 7yr old as he doesn't like anything scary especially involving animals! The 9 year old is desperate to get started on grown-up horror movies, we started off with The Mummy and she lasted right up until she saw the flesh eating scarabs and we had to turn it off so obviously not as ready as she thinks she is!

@gobletsofmadness

It's interesting that people have such different ideas of what is or isn't okay/scary. It's funny people saying His dark materials is aimed at 9 year olds. I read His dark materials as a child and really enjoyed it and the first series on TV I liked. But there's something about series 2 that I find v difficult to watch - I've stopped half way through as I find it unsettling (I'm in my 40s !).

HDM books are more 11-16 than 9.

I can’t imagine most 9 year olds understanding the concept that the Voice of God is the powerful adversary while God just dissolves into nothing. It’s Paradise Lost from the devil’s perspective and it’s got a lot of hefty stuff going on.

As all cinema 12s are 12A - meaning it’s up to the accompanying adult - we took a relatively laid back view. 15, on the other hand, is a much more distinct category.

I'd prefer they watched Saw over Love Island.

My kids 8 and 10 have seen quite a lot of 12s. Quite like marvel films and tbh stuff like Ironman/ avengers doesn’t seem scary/ nightmare inducing. Similar aged friends watch it and and it does seem part of the pop culture for thier age group.

Some films I’ve said no to like Rampage which is a King Kong film that seemed overly dark. Reasonable to look at films first and decide if appropriate.

@Margotshypotheticaldog

I'd prefer they watched Saw over Love Island.

Amen to that

Some 12s have quite vivid sex scenes in. Some are just a bit dark, like the later Harry Potters. Tread carefully, but don't dismiss them entirely.

but maybe not as the Spider-Man phase is a certain age really?? DH is 46 and it's still going...

DH and I were discussing ages for things like Star Wars and Harry Potter but DS is quite delicate around scary stuff and will demand we turn it off so well Def be extra cautious with him. I'm more concerned about the violence tbh in those.

Dark Materials I'd watch with her with the agreement we turn it off if it gets too much, and it's watched earlier in the day

12's I'd say yes to depending on your child.

15's are a no film wise (Deadpool is a 15 and would have been an 18 all day long not that long ago) but I happily let DS1 play PEGI 16 games because the games rating system is judged by different criteria (Star Wars Battlefront 2 is a 16 whereas the original trilogy films with exactly the same content are U's)